Maybe a year or so ago, I found what was truly an amazing article on Wired called “Ashes to ashes, dust to diamonds“. It’s all about different cool options for alternative uses of cremated remains. It’s totally cool, check it out.

Anyway, there is one company, LifeGem, which can take your ashes, and somehow magically turn them into diamonds. I just thought this was one of the coolest things I’ve ever heard, and it lead me down the following line of reason, which I will ultimately have written into my real Last Will and Testament, when I get around to writing it, and find a suitably hilarious lawyer to help me turn it into legalese.

The basic gist of it is this:

When I die

I want to be cremated, first of all, and then, have those ashes made into diamonds. There should be seven jewels made, each of a different color, possibly corresponding to a different spiritual quality.

Right, so each one of these jewels will need to be set into the hilt or some other choice spot of either (A) a magic weapon (B) magic piece of armor (C) some other magic artifact. And then, each item is to be stored for safe keeping in the inner sanctum of an (A) ancient temple (B) lost city (C) underground lair, one on each continent of the globe. These locations are in turn, to be guarded by creatures of might and magic, both big and small.

Possibly a thousand years from now, an ancient descendent (through blood, cloning, or perhaps some sort of spiritual/metaphorical descendent), upon the successful completion of some preliminary trials, will be appointed the task to travel the, then surely monster infested globe, and have to battle his/her way through the various secret holding locations, defeating their guardians, and collecting the magical items.

Whereupon, the successful hero, most likely the aid of a small yet trusted group of fellow adventurers, will reunite all 7 of the magic items, and then proceed to the final temple, hidden on the moon, where they will fight, no doubt, whatever dark force has been threatening civilization as it is then known, with an age of great darkness.

right, something like that anyway. someday, i will elaborate on it, and create designs for the magic items, as well as the temples, and the guardian monsters, etc. its basically just lifted from the zelda games and the dragon warrior games on the original NES, which I feel like have had a massive psychological impact on me and my life. i should also say that its a very positive impact. Thinking out all these details is great, cause it makes it not seem bad at all to die, because its going to set in motion such a cool chain of events. And like, once its written in a real official legal will, everyone will have no choice but to carry it out, right? Cause thats how these things work, I think. Its like your last chance to force everyone you know to do something. Hehe.