It’s Sunday afternoon. I’m here listening to Van Morrison’s St. Dominick’s Preview, which John made a copy for me, insisting I should listen to it. He’s great like that. Yeah, I was just thinking about songs like that first track, “Jackie Wilson said” and how it’s like all fun and great to have somebody in your life who you can hear songs like that, and be like, “yeah man, i know how he feels.” I mean, shit, I’ve been there, so I know how he feels, but it’s not this imminent thing in the air all around me right now, but you know, I wish it were. Ha! There’s only one solution for this sort of thing - Go down to the river! Soon… soon.

So right, that party last night eventually got really fun. I think all the drinking and marijuana-smoking may have contributed to that actually. It was also weird, because we were in my old neighborhood, with all the same old people, but they were different, but also the same. It was weird as hell, but I’m glad I went, in the end, actually. Really glad. I slept out there at Adam’s house, in his brother Jonathan’s bed, who is away in Nicaragua serving with the Peace Corps and stuff. Jonathan has a water bed, and that was weird, and didn’t feel nice at all to sleep on in the state I was in. Give me a firm futon mattress any day. Those things are the best.

I remember I had some weird dream last night that I was with some girl, and her family, and they were all like rich and disapproving of me, and stuff, and her dad totally was really weird and mean to me and stuff, and I kept trying to like say and do things right, but just none of it worked. It was one of those sucky dreams about not being good enough. But when I woke up, it was gone, as oddly as it had come. I didn’t still feel all weird and bad when I woke up.

Last night, when I was stoned, I thought a lot about monkeys and territoriality. I can’t really remember a lot of the conclusions I came up with, but they all seemed right on at the time. I’m sure they were, actually.

I remember when I used to get stoned, I didn’t really know what to do with it, or how to handle it, and there was such a difference in interior feeling between non-stoned Tim and stoned Tim, and whatever it used to be like, that gap has been closing fast. I’m not saying I feel stoned all the time, cause that’s not it at all. It’s more like, things that were held separate in me are being glued together. And I think that its a really good thing, because it means that I’m getting closer and closer to being all of myself all at once, instead of just like this one side or facet of what I could be.

Alright man, It’s time for my trip down to the river. Later