My friend and coworker Aron just came back from vacationing in Maine, where he happened to pick up a strange little book called “How to be a Nigerian.” He found it at the campsite, in some kind of used book shack or something and bought it. Its from 1966. There is a section labelled “Sex” which is of course the first one I read, on page 64, and its so damned strange that I feel compelled to transcribe the whole thing in here for you:

Marriage they say is an institution; sex is incidental.

In Nigeria, sex is an institution and marriage is an incidence.

The ambition of most Nigerian girls is to be the last love of a man. The demand of all Nigerian men is to be the first love of a girl.

The Nigerian is a great lover. If he has a mistress, in spite of a monogamous marriage, everyone will respect it, as long as the woman herself respects the relationship by unquestionable loyalty. This is considered exemplary discipline and evidence of sincerity.

Should she bestow her favours on other men, she will be denounced and her relationship with her lover becomes a dirty affair. For the difference between a healthy relationship and debaucher is in the mistress’s loyalty and not in the marital status of her male partner.

Hence, a Nigerian magistrate once said that “illegitimacy is a European concept”.

Yet sex is sacred.

It is never talked about in public.

The Englishman considers himself ravingly sexy when he takes his girl in a dark alley and kisses her. In America they have to have “purple hearts” to look a girl a girl in the face a second time.

What the Nigerian needs is not idyllic retreats or “pep pills” to achieve ecstatic romance. He needs tranquilisers.

That’s just one of the strangest damn things that I have ever read. Wow! What the hell!