Sometime last night, I realized that a subtle shift had started taking place in my posts. Maybe noone else noticed it, but I was starting to write in such a way as I realized people were reading, cause I’ve been growing increasingly aware of that. That people are reading this. And I love that, cause, well, I don’t know, it just feels right to be sharing what I’m doing with other people. It feels like the most important thing I can do with my time, is talk with people, ask people questions, get them to ask other people questions, instead of just sit around accepting whats given to them, being unhappy etc. But right, so, I have to find some kind of balance now, between being aware that I am talking to real people, who need things put in a certain way, and me just going off on completely rogue crazy tangential journeys into weird topics, so that I can expand my own mind in preparation for the next data dump of what I have uncovered. So, my compromise with myself is to stop worrying about it, and just press ahead. That seems like the best thing to do, even though, I think that means my writing and thinking will necessarily have to go back to being slightly more introverted. Yeah, who knows if anyone else even picked up on this at all though, but it seems important to me.

I also realized somewhere very concretely lately that, I am “going for it”. Thats why I’m doing this. I’m going straight to the top. I’m going to figure “it” out. It feels like the only thing I can do, like I’m on some rocket propelling me towards “it,” and all I can do to keep up with it is to read and read and write and write and think and dream all day and all night long. Who knows where this will stop? It’s all terribly exciting, I have to say. I’ve never felt so alive, or so alone, or so happy. Whoohoo!