So last night I played Scrabble for the first time ever. I have to say, I don’t love the game. I find the rules to be limiting and weak. I prefer games that are simultaneously more strategic and more volatile. I kept putting down words that probably weren’t legitimate words, so that Catherine would challenge the word, and then there would be that moment of anticipation while she looked it up, and we waited to see who would lose the points if they were wrong. But then she stopped taking points off when my words weren’t in the dictionary. It was maddening, because I wanted to be able to gamble with my points, and throw it all on the line like that. Plus I kept trying to use the blank square as though it were a space instead of a wildcard. Space makes more sense, I think. If it was gonna be a wildcard, it should have like a star on it or something.

You know what, I think I just don’t like games that are based on points. I just like the battle of a game, and I don’t necessarily care about the technical outcome, as long as the emotional payoff is right.

Oh right, so then I was home sleeping after walking back from way down there, through all the Hasidic communities, and I had a hilarious dream. In this dream, Arnold Schwarzenegger was playing Scrabble with me as part of a publicity stunt for his gubernatorial campaign. Except he was TOTALLY not playing by the rules. He kept taking words off the board, and then those words would turn into big red dice like in Risk. Anyway, that game ended when I was like “Hey, what the hell are you doing?” and I realized that we were being filmed and stuff. I had thought it was just for fun. Then later on, we had a much more publicized and formal rematch which was broadcast on national tv. But first, we asked these guys in a comic book shop what were the real rules, and then we agreed to abide by those.

During the game, some mediator asked us questions about American cultural values, like violence in the media, and shit like that. I remember the question was directed at me, but Arnold tried to jump in, and then I cut him off. Oh, and we were playing inside a dining room at a huge long table like in Bruce Wayne’s mansion, and the walls were a cream color.

Also, I remember meeting these guys who ran an independent movie theatre, and I was trying to convince them to show that Chinese martial arts masterpiece “Hero” in order to promote the upcoming Scrabble match between me and Arnold. I forget where chronologically that fits in with the rest.