DAGBLAMMIT! How did I miss this one? The White House Decreed last week Protection From Pornography Week, 2003. I just discovered this on the SF Gate site, through this pretty decent article. This article has a good ending, which I would happy to ruin for you right now, about how you should tow the government line, and run screaming from the hills the next time someone threatens your heterosexual union with dirty evil pornography:

Be very afraid. This is what they love above all. Be fearful and excessively concerned and vote via your sense of numb dread and knee-jerk reactions and please, above all, do not use common sense, or reason, or spiritual openness, or sexual awareness, and do not question anything. There there now. The government is here. The big bad pornography will not harm you anymore…

What’s next, Protection from Masturbation Week? Or they would probably call it like “Self-Pollution” or “Onanism” or something weird like that. Stupid fake president. Bill Clinton would have never stood for this kind of crap. Instead he would have proclaimed it “National Whack-Off at Work Week.” And THAT is why he was a better president. (Plus, he didn’t illegally steal an election. Plus he didn’t invade a bunch of countries. Plus… you get where this is going.)