Alright, it’s getting close now. No joke. Less than two weeks to go. Holy shit! It’s starting to get nuts. I’m starting to really feel the anticipation take hold. I haven’t yet let it run away with me yet, but pretty soon I will.

Still working on that whole moving vehicle thingy. Almost there. Almost got that worked out. In the next day or two, I think a shoe will drop which will help me sort it all out nicely. Very very nicely. I’m not worried, cause things like this always work out. You just gotta make them work out somehow. I’ve got a good backup plan if everything else goes awry.

It snowed out today. Wet, horrible, messy slushy smooshy snow. I walked to the store in it. Bought stuff to make chili. The idea being to eat it on and off all week, and thereby eat real cheap. Good chili, but even good chili you can get tired of fast.

I want to remember how it feels right now, right before the storm hits that’s going to take me out of town and on into the next part of my life… It feels like… I don’t know how to describe it. It’s very precise and very very vague and uncertain all at once. I’m listening to David Gray’s White Ladder, and some Bob Seger that I ganked from Drew. The heater just kicked in.

I’ve spent the last few days winnowing down my belongings. Figuring out what things I own are artifacts connected to a life that’s already behind me, and which I won’t ever need (or want) to go back to. It’s fun, this reduction process. It’s like a focusing… Squinting real hard at some sign in the distance until you’re able to make out all the letters…

It’s 3:00am. I find myself completely unable to go to sleep before this time of night anymore. Unless it’s the early evening and I’m laying on my couch, watching TV, drifting in and out of the shows and sleep. That’s what the past month has been for me a lot. Coming home, and that drifting on the couch. Keeping warm in the cold. Staying lit in the dark. It feels good. Everything feels pretty good right now. None of that loneliness of the rest of the year. Replaced with a realy tangible wondering and dreaming and ritual preparation.

Two weeks, then I’m in Baltimore. Relaxing a bit, and then explode across the country. I’ve gone through lots of moments in the past few years, of letting different parts of my life fall away, or having had them stripped away… None of them have felt like this though. So grand & so purposeful & so freeing, with no fear. No wondering if this is the right thing to do. None of that. Nothing. I can’t wait until the moment when I step out John’s door in Baltimore, with nothing but my bag and the clothes on my back, and then that’s it. Step out into the rest of my life, and just keep going.