the timboucher experience

After writing the previous post, I started looking around online at some websites devoted to infomercials. I thought I’d seen some weird ones, like those twin midgets who teach you how to corner the real estate market - John & Greg Rice (official site). But the best one, in my opinion, is one I’ve never had the pleasure to see personally. It came out sometime in 1999.

It’s called Rejuvenique.

And it’s some weird mask that you put on your face, which delivers “energy pulsations” to your face, to help exercise the muscles, and reverse the effects of aging.

 
I don’t think I need to express how vastly creepy this is. If for some reason it seems like a good idea to you though, I found a place you can buy it online.

Here’s some of the official information on it.

The Rejuvenique electrical facial toning system is designed to help combat the stresses of aging, the environment, and our just too-busy lifestyles. Unlike traditional skin care products that cleanse, moisturize, and pamper the skin, the Rejuvenique system is designed to help reduce the appearance of wrinkles and achieve a smooth, toned, radiant look — without harsh chemicals or other time-consuming, expensive measures.

… The Rejuvenique Facial Toning System consists of a facial mask with 24 individual gold-plated contact points that deliver a light energy pulsation to key areas of your face eight times a second. The energy pulsation is controlled by the palm-size Rejuvenique control unit, which is powered by a 9-volt battery. Special toning gel ensures proper contact between the mask and your skin. The mask system works in tandem with a range of lotions and vitamin- and antioxidant-fortified lotions and gels.

… To use the system, you simply apply Rejuvenique gel to the 24 facial contact points, position the mask on your face, turn on the system, and enjoy 15 minutes at your own personal spa.

Seems like the place where they really jack you is on all those lotions and gels which go along with it. This whole thing’s so much creepier than the electronic radiation hair removal wand which I dreamed up for my story. I love it. I wonder if anybody bought this, and what kind of raving mutant they turned into as a side-effect of using it.

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