WAIT! Before I get started on the actual topic of this post, I just remembered the most glorious outrageous commercial I have ever seen in my life. I was flipping past CBN, and they were showing some drawings and photos of the Devil along with some echoing voices reading passages from Scripture. Cool, I thought, so I stayed with it for the next minute.

Do you know what they said? You’ll never in a MILLION YEARS guess what message they were peddling. Right after they finished showing a bunch of fantasy-style paintings, which they probably ripped off from a Magic: The Gathering deck, they actually had the BALLS to say (pardon the all-caps, but this is just crazy to me):

IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN THE LITERAL PHYSICAL EXISTENCE OF DEMONS, IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST.

That’s a paraphrasing, but it’s very nearly word-for-word. I was fucking floored when I saw that. And also kind of impressed me on some odd level. I don’t know, it’s just so far off the deep end that it’s almost admirable.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand, I was once again flipping through CBN and stopped on yet another melodramatic commercial, but this time, it was about a “secret cabal” of un-elected men who “rule the United States from behind closed doors.”

And for a second, I was like, YES! They are FINALLY getting on the right page and coming down against George W. Bush. But no! I knew better than that. What they are actually crying about instead is the Supreme Court. It turns out that Pat “Prayer-Face” Robertson has a new book out called: Courting Disaster: How the Supreme Court is Usurping the Power of Congress and the People.

You know what REALLY GETS ME about this though? Is they go into this big ass thing about how much power the Supreme Court has, and how it’s not elected or accountable to the people, but they fucking IGNORE the fact that this very same Supreme Court is the group of assholes who put their beloved Emperor Bush into office AGAINST the will of the people. Come on, now! You can’t be for them in some circumstances which give you power, and then against them when they do things you don’t like. I mean, I guess you can, but fuck you anyway!

Hmm, apparently, Pat Robertson also has a book entitled “The New World Order“. Who knew he was into crazed conspiracy? Oh wait, we all did! It’s completely evident in everything that he preaches. Oh right! You know what else is crazy? He peddles “Age-Defying Protein Pancakes,” and other nonsensical money-makers right in the middle of everything else. It’s really quite something.

Worse still than him though is this group my friend just sent me a link to, The Chalcedon Foundation. What a mean heartless hate-filled group of people. This website is so over-the-top and infuriating that it seems like a joke. But hey, like they said in that commercial, you have to believe in the literal physical existence of demons if you want to be a REAL Christian, so I guess it all makes sense in the end.