The other day, I tried my best to watch the Vice-Presidential debate. But when the moderator made some comment about “Osama Bin Laden hiding in a cave,” I just had to turn it off.

This whole thing about hiding in caves… the implications here of this image/story are extremely clear, although nobody ever dares to spell them out. When people suggest that Bin Laden is hiding in a cave somewhere, here is what they are really trying to say:

These people in these countries are savages. They spend their lives squatting in the dirt, eating rocks, rolling around in their own filth. They sleep in caves and hunt woolly mammoths and try to keep T-Rex at bay. By bombing them, we are actually doing them a favor, because we are introducing them to new technologies and modern ways of thinking. It may be painful, but these monkey-men need to be brought into the modern age.

I mean, that sort of thinking is precisely what is really going on behind the scenes here. It’s very simple and very direct, not to mention very ridiculous.

In my opinion, Bin Laden is either one of two places: (1) he is living comfortably in a CIA-operated facility somewhere (since he “was” an agent of the CIA for many years, and quite possibly still is), or (2) he is living in the absolute lap of luxury in the palace of one of his Arab prince friends, watching satellite tv and playing Xbox. I mean, this guy comes from one of the most wealthy well-connected families on earth. There’s virtually no way he’s cowering in some shadowy cave, eating cockroaches and rubbing sticks together.