I just got this weirdo letter through my contact form on my site. I don’t really know what to make of it:

SIR, IAM A LAW STUDENT. JANUARY THIS YEARS, I SENT 18 LETTERS TO 18 DIFFRENT COMPANIES BEGGING THEM TO SEND ME MONEY TO ENABLE ME SET UP MY OWN BUSINESS BUT THEY REFUSED. SIR, AS ASTUDENT I NEED THERE HELP SO THAT I WILL NOT BW BEGGINEG AGAIN. SIR, HELP ME OUT FOR THEM TO ANSWER ME SPEEDILY

The name the sender gave was “HAPPY OJI.” Has anybody else had a run-in with “HAPPY OJI”? I looked online but found nothing. Maybe he’s a new phenomenon. I’m going to email him back and see what his deal is. Here’s what I’ll write, (in all caps, of course):

DEAR HAPPY OJI,

HELLO! THANK YOU FOR VISITING MY SITE; I APPRECIATE IT. AS A FORMER STUDENT, I TOO CAN UNDERSTAND THE CHALLENGES OF PAYING FOR COLLEGE. IT CAN BE VERY FRUSTRATING. THOUGH PERHAPS A NOVEL APPROACH, I WOULD IMAGINE BEGGING COMPANIES FOR MONEY PROBABLY IS NOT A VERY EFFECTIVE MEANS OF FUNDRAISING. JUST HOW WAS IT THAT YOU THOUGHT I COULD HELP YOU RECEIVE A MORE SPEEDY RESPONSE FROM THESE COMPANIES?

AT YOUR SERVICE,

TIM BOUCHER, OCCULT INVESTIGATOR

UPDATE!

Unfortunately, HAPPY OJI, in his begging frenzy, neglected to type in a valid email address when he contacted me. My response to his request for assistance was returned undelivered. I guess we’ll never know the full story of HAPPY OJI. I, for one, am rather disappointed…