iPod Dance Line

Wow, I LOVE the internet. Never before have I had the chance to get into so many random fights with people whom I have never, will never, and would never want to meet face to face.

My latest act of digital derring-do occurred today during my daily blogexplosion trawling. I see an enormous number of blogs each day, and I’ve made a habit of replying to anything that catches my eye. I like to interact with people. In today’s episode, I came across a blog entitled “iPod Dance Line“.

As far as I can discern, this weblog was set up for the sole purpose of convincing people to join into this whole “Free iPod” deal that is taking the internet by storm. If you’re unfamiliar with this pyramid scheme, you have to sign up X number of people as referrals, and then you’re rewarded with a free iPod. It’s quite a brilliant marketing strategy, really. Do I think it deserves to be made the subject of an entire weblog? No, in fact, I think the whole practice is rather distasteful and I wrote a rant against it last week.

When I came across this iPod Dance Line (IPL) blog, I posted the following comment:

    i have to admit that i kind of hate all this free ipod mania thats going around online. in fact, i put together my own little post about it, in case youre interested

And that’s it. I didn’t go onto this guy’s website and tell him he was some kind of fuck-up and that I hated him. It was merely a mention that I had my own views on this matter, and he was invited to view them or not at his disgression. At the bottom, I included a link to that post. Feel free to read it yourself for background. The post is, I admit, rather colorful and sensationalized, which is how I like to write. It was not written to or about any particular person. In response to that rant, the owner of IPL, Tony Huddleston posted this lit firecracker of a comment:

    Ok. I read your e-mail to me, and I came and read this uhm, Dribble (with respects to dribble).
    I wanted to post something worth reading here, but obviously you’re too cheap to be able to let people post more than 1000 characters, thus I must post it on My site and let You decide if you want to be a man and link to it or post it for me.
    Thanks,
    Tony Huddleston

First of all Tony, thanks for your comments. I certainly do appreciate your fear that somehow my masculinity may be at stake over this matter. I have indeed noticed both my testicle and penis size decreasing quite steadily ever since I posted my original rant against “Free iPod Mania”. In fact, I’ve grown breasts and a vagina and I’m terribly embarrassed about the whole thing. I’m thrilled that you’ve come to my manly rescue in the spirit of fraternity.

I’m also filled with mirth over the irony that somehow you perceive me to be cheap based on my choice of “blog commenting system,” while your entire blog is focused around roping people into a pyramid scheme so that you will be rewarded with a fashionable and well-marketed piece of plastic. Further, you’re using a free blogging and commenting service to do it, as well as a free traffic referral service to get people to your site. You’re simply a master of comedy, and I salute you for it from the core of my very being.

Now, onto your reply to my post…

    Ok. I read your e-mail to me, and I came and read this uhm, Dribble (with respects to dribble).
    So, all of a sudden it’s a bad thing to be a Capitolist pig? Why don’t you include those who work their asses off to get earn that “almighty” dollar? I’m sure They’d appreciate a good slap to the face to wake them from their apparent stupor long enough to see that their obviously wasting their time trying to fill their fridge with the stuff they clipped those coupons for.
    I’m not really offended that you posted this crap and then offered me to come see it, I’m actually glad that you’ve given people a different side to the coin.
    From reading this garbage, it seems to me that you must have had hard times when you were growing up. You seem to be a very angry person, writing angry words about something you know not much about.
    If you’d taken some time to look around at Who’s making these “Free” offers, you’d be able to tell the Hype from the bullshit, which I’m guessing you obviously missed.
    I went into this over 2 months AFTER hearing about it at kevinrose.com when he posted about a bunch of ppl sending Him e-mails about this. I waited until he did a segment on “The Screen Savers” where he actually Interviewed one of the people that Run Gratisnetworks. I still waited a week or more while I investigated this more on the web on my own.
    But you just saw a bunch of people going apeshit over the possibility of getting something for free. You didn’t mention ANYTHING about doing any research into this matter, just jumped up and said “Wait a minute! People shouldn’t just go sign up for something because they see the word FREE! No!”.
    Get off your soapbox long enough to smell the manure that you’re shovelling and do some research. Yeah, there are people that are miffed about joining up and finding out that they have to complete an offer. Did you know that they can CANCEL if they want to? Probably not.

Tony, I absolutely love the personal attacks; I find them to be simply adorable. And since you’ve also invited me to respond, I would like to address them in full.

Firstly, I don’t give a single shit about capitalism one way or another; I don’t pretend to have any kind of solution to how economic systems should go. Making a living and deciding what your time is worth in this world is a fiendishly complicated matter in which everyone should choose their own way. However, I do feel that when genuine human interaction is replaced with ubiquitous marketing and pathetic hucksterism, myriad problems arise. People stop relating to one another as actual sentient entities, and begin to merely see potential customers. Dollar signs overwhelm hearts, souls, minds and bodies. And I find that to be absolutely regrettable.

I feel like your weblog is a very good illustration of this phenomenon of corporate interests encompassing and devouring real thought and feeling. You have the marvelous opportunity of having a blog, a way potentially to communicate real things with real live human people - and to have them respond in kind - and the only sentiments which you seem to be able to muster up center around begging people to join into your consumerist fetish.

In regards to other specific comments:

    I’m not really offended that you posted this crap and then offered me to come see it, I’m actually glad that you’ve given people a different side to the coin.

I’m glad you’re not offended, although you in fact seem quite offended by your language. It’s true though, that I wasn’t trying to start a fight or make you angry. I was, like you said, attempting to offer a different side to the matter. A new perspective was my only intention. I’m glad that it turned into something more, into an actual expression of something real and human, unseemly as you have chosen to make it.

    If you’d taken some time to look around at Who’s making these “Free” offers, you’d be able to tell the Hype from the bullshit, which I’m guessing you obviously missed.

You have hit the nail on the head right here. I agree that I could not tell, the “hype” from the “bullshit.” In fact, I think it’s ALL hype, and it’s ALL bullshit.

    I went into this over 2 months AFTER hearing about it at kevinrose.com when he posted about a bunch of ppl sending Him e-mails about this. I waited until he did a segment on “The Screen Savers” where he actually Interviewed one of the people that Run Gratisnetworks. I still waited a week or more while I investigated this more on the web on my own.

You described this scenario presumably to indicate how much “research” you did into this deal. Admirable. The way that I perceive what you just described is that you merely waited until you knew, beyond any doubt, that if you joined this program, then you would be assured a “free reward”. You waited until a critical mass of other members of the herd were running in a certain direction, and then you decided it was safe to run as well. Bravo. If waiting and worrying equals research, then you certainly did an excellent job.

    Yeah, there are people that are miffed about joining up and finding out that they have to complete an offer. Did you know that they can CANCEL if they want to? Probably not.

In fact, my friend, I did indeed know they that had a cancel button. Such is the nature of e-commerce, a process which rests on browser-based applications, which can be terminated at any moment before submission by the mere click of a mouse. I correctly assumed that it was not some sort of iron-clad diabolical contract, the mere cogitation of which would land you a guaranteed skiff afloat in the Lake of Fire under the brutal eye of Satan’s Throne. Would that it were, though!

In conclusion, I hope that the sleek plastic gods of success smile down upon you, and that you do recruit so very many people that you may one day build a delightful little house out of Free iPods and spend all your days living luxuriously in a well-designed and cunningly marketed corporate shill’s paradise. If anybody does want join in the fun and get a free iPod, please do visit Tony’s site, iPod Dance Line, and sign up with him. I know he’ll appreciate it. And please, tell him I sent you.


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This entry was written by Tim Boucher, posted on October 22, 2004 at 1:08 am.

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