While doing research on empathy, I also remembered/came across information about the practice of “mirroring” somebody’s body language. The two places I’ve always heard about it talked the most are in business and in romance. It basically relates to this whole “monkey see, monkey do” thing (also, “follow the leader”) with empathy and imitation, and how we’re biologically hard-wired to do that. They talk about how in business, subtly copying or adopting aspects of the other person’s body language helps to place the two of you in accord. Typically, they’ll talk about it in sales techniques like this:
- As you talk with a prospect, watch their body language. If they cross their arms, use positive signals and statements that will cause them to unfold their arms and open up to your sales approach. When their arms and legs are uncrossed and their hands are open, a sale is possible. When you notice them “mirroring†your movements and gestures, you’ve got them locked on to your sales presentation. Mirroring indicates maximum communication with the other person. If you move your arms apart opening your palms, and they do the same, you are both in synch. The messages and the words of the sale are being received and accepted by the other.
And in the realm of dating, they talk about it like this:
- This is what separates a good flirt from a great flirt: nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone’s behaviour. This simply means you do whatever it is they do. If they lean forward to tell you something intimate, you lean in to meet them. If they sit back to take a sip of their drink and look you in the eye, you pause then follow suit.
The theory behind mirroring is that we like people who are like us. If someone is doing what we’re doing, we feel they’re on the same level as us and in the same mood as we are.
There are two no-go areas with this one, though: firstly, only mirror positive body language; second, capture the spirit rather than mimicking them. As a general rule, wait around 50 seconds before following their gestures.
I’ve also seen it talked about in the context of clinical psychology, and using subtle mirroring techniques to help establish rapport between a therapist and client. This article, “Mirror, Mirror: Our Brains are Hardwired for Empathy” is the best explanation I’ve seen of it from that angle. I highly recommend it.
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