Romance didn’t always mean what it does today. I’m talking about the actual word “romance,” that is. From what I understand, it originally referred to texts which were written in the vulgar or vernacular languages (ie, not Latin), such as French. This relates to how people use the term “Romance Languages” to refer to - what are they - French, Italian, Spanish, Portugese, Romanian… I think that’s all of them. European languages which share a common ancestor in Latin.

So, these specifically French vernacular tales, to which the term “romance” originally referred, had to do with chivalrous heroes and nobel quests. One of Dictionary.com’s entries says:

A long fictitious tale of heroes and extraordinary or mysterious events, usually set in a distant time or place.

I’m guessing the reason that the modern usage of “romance” as applying to love affairs stems from the fact that the medieval ideal of “Romantic Love” featured prominently in these stories, much like in the tales told be the minstrels and troubadors. It’s funny though, how appropriate I think that above definition is for what happens to a person when they are actually involved in a romance, such as we use the term today, as being in the throes of love.

It definitely becomes this story that the two of you build together, full of noble heroes, & extraordinary and mysterious events. And it very much becomes this kind of place which seems really distant or almost fictitious in relation to the “real” world which everyone else inhabits. No one else can ever quite fathom or come inside this magical far off world which the two of you co-create. And things that people consider to be the most romantic gestures are usually things which center around moments and elevate monuments to this story which the two of you share.

And it makes sense too, from this perspective why when you’re forcibly ejected from this shared story that it comes as such a striking shock, as you become the lone inhabitant of your fantasy kingdom, watching it crumble back into the mists of fiction. Or, conversely, unrequited love, where you have what to you is a wonderful tale but noone to build it with.

I also like too that this idea of romance as a shared story can be broadened, to anytime you share or build a story out of your connected lives with other people. All of communication becomes a kind of romance, the extraordinary and mysterious workings of heroes.