the timboucher experience

I hate that Fear Factor show. It’s fucking boring as hell to watch a bunch of idiots trying to eat cow testicles for the millionth time. And if you just watch that show, you might never know that the host of it, Joe Rogan, is actually incredibly funny. He has some absolutely hilarious stand-up stuff, and is an excellent writer, also. His website just recently came back online with a updated design, and access to a bunch of old articles. This means I finally got to come back and read an awesome article from a few years back that Doug showed me, about the “Fuck Dimension.” It’s all about like sex and repression in society. I highly recommend it, although for the squeamish and easily offended, well, you can deal with those problems on your own. Anyway, for posterity, I wanted to save a little snippet of this essay that always really “spoke to me.”

Whatever the case may be, much of our views on sexuality in this society, and much of what is acceptable and unacceptable, is just a bunch of crazy, unhealthy shit we came up with to make other people happy. It’s not based on nature, it’s not based on your happiness, it’s not based on what’s healthy, or on fulfilling your desires. It’s based on shutting other people up, making them happy, and controlling the breeding.

Make no mistake about it, what we call our sexual politics, is nothing more than a very complicated, carefully controlled mating ritual for the human animal. You can trace every element of the predetermined patterns of behavior in our romantic relationships directly to breeding, and controlling access to the supply of females. You may never reproduce, but if you’re living by society’s standards, you’re still walking the walk. The only reason we follow these rules is to keep the peace, and insure more breeding. All that “Be a Lady and be a Gentlemen” bullshit, is just a cleverly concealed way to distribute the sex within the pack. To be a monogamous man in our society is an admired thing only because we know it’s unnatural, and extremely difficult. We make the monogamous man a hero, and we guarantee praise to him, because we hope that other men will see him receive this praise, and strive to behave like that and get their own dose of the proud satisfaction and bragging rights that our society will award you for suffering, and avoiding your instincts… and not fucking my wife.
We will trick you into thinking that’s a desirable thing, because the alternative, you following your DNA and running around trying to fuck every woman you’re attracted to is dangerous. It’s threatening to me. You’re taking more than your share, and I’m afraid eventually you’ll get to my woman, or my daughter. Don’t be a scum bag, be a good man. Be a Norman Rockwell painting. Be an episode of “Walker Texas Ranger.”

The sexually frustrated man goes to bed every night with the satisfaction that even though he could, he never cheats on his wife. He is a good man. He is Russell Crowe in “Gladiator.” He is Nicholas Cage in “Family Man.” He takes satisfaction in knowing that he behaves just like his fake, media created, heroes. Heroes, who in real life, are probably fucking strippers and doing coke.

And also…

Now am I saying that it’s great to sell porn? No, not necessarily, although I argued with myself back and forth for a long time as to whether or not porn harms people. It’s all very tricky to me… I do know that if you’re a dumb guy, and you believe everything you read or see on a tape to be fact, you could get a really fucked up perception of women from watching some porn. But I’m not a dumb guy, and I don’t think we should nerf the hard surfaces, and corners of the world because of idiots. To me, when someone does something fucked up because they were influenced by some cult, or excited by some album, or porn, the problem isn’t what influenced him, the problem is that he is a poorly formed human being. If he looks at a magazine, and then goes out and rapes a woman, but yet when I look at the same magazine I jerk off and take a nap, the problem is obviously not the magazine.

Actually, wait no, there’s another part that I really like too, which is specifically about porno and why SOME girls find it threatening:

Why is porn so fucked up anyway? I mean just plain, straight porn is really offensive to some people, and those same people often have regular sex. I mean, It’s OK to have sex, but seeing it on TV is offensive? Why? If you regularly blow your husband, why does it freak you out to see a woman blowing a man in a magazine? Why is porn offensive to people? And by saying porn, I just mean the regular people having sex type porn, no specialty shit involving ropes, midgets, and urine, (and we’ll get to some of that stuff later) I mean just plain ole’ people having sex in front of a camera. Why is that offensive?

One of my ex-girlfriends used to say that she didn’t like porn because it just made her sick that these girls probably barely even know these guys, and they just fuck them. Unlike her and I, who knew each other deeply, when we fucked 2 hours into our very first date.

I’ll tell you why it’s so offensive to some women, because it shows men footage of hot women that want sex all the time, however the man wants it, and that takes power away from those woman. Before you get your panties in a bunch, please remember, I said SOME women. Some women actually like porn, but women who are manipulative, and withhold sex to get what they want in their relationships DO NOT want you to have access to tapes of chicks 10 times hotter than them BEGGING guys to fuck them in the ass and cum on their face. That completely screws up the programing they’re attempting to install. They will tell you, “that’s not real, and no girls are really like that, you fucking idiot!” but the damage is done, no matter what they do, Pandora’s box is open. It’s very, very difficult to get a guy to marry you before you’ll have sex with him, when just down the corner at Tower Video there’s DVD’s of Jenna Jameson lapping jizz off her nipples like a hungry puppy with a saucer of milk.

Anyway, there’s a ton more good stuff to check out in that article also. Actually, I’ve never read anything on his site that I thought was a waste of time, which is saying a lot. I’m gonna also try to find this one old article about like smoking weed and riding around in jet packs or something. It was totally awesome.

• Joe Rogan on Egyptians and Jetpacks
• In honor of “Marriage Protection Week”
• Stop all tha downloadin’!
• Two things I want to look up tomorrow
• Ding!