the timboucher experience

Normally, I think these things suck, but Bret did one that I liked, so here’s mine.

1. Bret once said something to the effect that my life didn’t really start until I was 21, which I completely agree with. This means I am essentially a four year old.
2. I’m still into exactly the same things as I was when I was a little kid, so this makes sense in more ways than one.
3. Both my parents work for the Catholic Church and have since they were probably 21 or so.
4. I don’t go to Church nor do I remember the last time I went.
5. I dropped out of college after a year because I found it to be “boring.”
6. Once in a while I think about going back to school, but am mainly worried that I would just be bored again.
7. If I did go back to school, I would go for a religious studies degree, or something totally useless like that - which would not help me get a job, nor pay back all the loans it would take to get that degree.
8. My blog acts as sort of a stand-in for my lack of higher education.
9. I spend probably something like 12 hours a day on average researching and writing.
10. One time I had a dream where Jesus spoke to me. He told me a parable about my life’s mission.
11. I’m not a Christian, per se. I don’t really like to align myself with any one religion or ideology, and have always been more interested in constructing my own personal one.
12. I’ve seen an actual full form ghost four feet away from me in an old apartment in the middle of the night. It was green, glowing and sort of like floating and hazy-looking. I was terrified.
13. When I was in kindergarten in Wisconsin, I saw a skeleton woman wearing an old-fashioned dress standing in the street in front of my house. She beckoned for me to come to her, and I ran inside screaming.
14. I don’t have a history of hallucination, over-active imagination (well, not in this sense) or anything psychological which would explain either of those events.
15. I was engaged when I was like 19 years old or something, which was an enormous mistake. But at least I got to make that mistake sooner, rather than later.
16. One time, my fiancee and I got really really stoned, and we had telepathic conversation that lasted over five minutes. We were not speaking or moving, and I kept being like, “Whoa, we’re talking, but we’re not like… talking!” And then we talked about it after and verified what had been said.
17. I’m very skeptical about ever being engaged again, or married for that matter, but I’m not ruling anything out.
18. One of the more recent times I saw one of my aunts, she said that she had a dream/vision of me in a few years running in a field with my daughter.
19. I right now don’t have any kids, nor do I expect to anytime soon. I suppose some day, who knows. But I have a lot of work I need to figure out before anything like that happens. Occult investigation isn’t the sort of thing that supports a family.
20. My real plan is to get rich off doing books, and possibly the lecture circuit.
21. I’d specifically like to do workshops at sci-fi conventions and stuff, because I think those people would really dig it, plus that sort of nerdy shit is my real background from when I was a kid.
22. I have only ever gone to two science-fiction conventions though, and I generally find them sort of freaky and uncomfortable, so maybe that’s not the best plan after all.
23. I was enormously nerdy in school growing up. I would do things like correct teachers, and finish 1-2 hour long tests in 5-10 minutes, and announce arrogantly that I was already finished. It’s hilarious, but also extremely embarrasing in retrospect.
24. I didn’t have a lot going for me socially at the time though, and my social graces were yet to be polished.
25. They have only in the past four years become anywhere near polished. I used to be really awkward about everything social.
26. I got over that by going to bars, and by the gentle guidance and example of people like Mike, Bret and Doug.
27. I’ve been living in Pittsburgh with my brother since tax day of 2004.
28. I’ve never before this been very close with anybody in my family, either in proximity or in terms of “being friends” and its pretty cool.
29. In addition to an older brother, I have two older sisters, and a younger sister. My parents are Catholic, remember.
30. Ethnically my family is just around 50% French-Canadian, and our roots on this continent go back to like the early 1600’s. Otherwise, it’s a pretty even blend of herbs and spices from Scotland, Ireland and England.
31. If it wasn’t for an adoption several generations back in Canada, my last name would be Trembley.
32. I don’t much like Montreal; I find the French to be strange. But I love city and people of Toronto, and would move there in a second if I had the right opportunity.
33. I am normally pretty reserved with strangers, but for some reason in Toronto, any bar that I walk into, I’m suddenly talking to everyone and telling jokes like we’re old friends within 5-10 minutes.
34. There is a possibility that I will be on a television show about the paranormal over the course of the coming year, which would just be crazy.
35. I really like going on job interviews, and talking to people about renting apartments and stuff like that. I’m not sure why.
36. I’m doing my best never to have a 9-5 job again, especially not an office job.
37. I’m extremely accustomed to living off of no money. Haven’t had more than a hundred dollars (if that much) consistently in the bank account for like maybe 2 years.
38. I like to make huge life decisions based completely on intuition, cause nothing else seems to be very satisfying.
39. I was going to spend this year travelling cross-country, but lost a big check, and then everything got set back and switched around.
40. It’s been a really awesome year anyway though, and so much stuff has happened anyway, it doesn’t matter.
41. I’m a firm believer in the idea that life only gets better - that is when you’re able to stay on the right track, which is admittedly rather hard.
42. The logo on the upper left corner of this website layour is a tattoo that I have on my left forearm. It has do with a news article I read a year and a half ago about how a statue at the Vatican of St. Peter holding the keys to Heaven was vandalized when the hand and the keys were stolen by unknown perpetrators.
43. When I meet people, I generally prefer not to talk to them about the things I write about or am interested in, because I feel like people are going to think I’m a weirdo. But I guess I actually am, sort of, so I should probably just own up to it.
44. Over the past 6 months, I’ve been able to condition myself into actually enjoying straight whiskey. Now that I have, I can see why all the best alcoholics are into whiskey. I don’t think I’ll ever become one myself though, because I have a natural cut-off switch when I’m drinking which I’m almost never able to pass. And if I do, I just end up throwing up and feeling rather miserable right away.
45. Some people are really afraid of throwing up, but I don’t mind it at all. I do, however, think its disgusting to put your fingers down your throat to make yourself throw up. Vile.
46. I was pretty miserable when I lived in NYC for a year, but see it as kind of a romantic time period in my life in retrospect.
47. I really like Baltimore, but I don’t think I could ever move back there, because I hate feeling like I’m taking steps backward in my life.
48. Pittsburgh is simply wretched. The bars suck, the girls are generally unattractive, and for such a working class city, people are remarkably unfriendly.
49. At a certain point during this past summer, we were going out to clubs here at least 2 times a week.
50. I actually got really “good” at it, and I’m secretly a really good dancer. I think that dancing to anything besides hip hop at a club though is pretty much a gigantic waste of time.
51. I’ve recently mastered the fine art of slapping girls on the ass and getting away with it while we’re dancing. I learned it from this cool black dude named Octavius who we sometimes go out with. Now mind you, I don’t do this to every girl I come across, and I do “respect” girls, and blah blah blah. Yeah, who cares. Anyway, black people know how to party so much better than white people, it’s fucking amazing.
52. People say to me a lot, especially when we go out to clubs, that I could get laid all the time if I wanted to. But I just generally don’t want to. I’d rather be in love than just bang girls indiscrimately.
53. Plus I really dislike one-night stands, and have only ever had one.
54. I’m not especially interested in “being in love” at the moment. I know from past experience that it would basically bring my creative productivity to a stand-still, which is the single-most important thing to me right now. This doesn’t mean I’m not lonely though.
55. I also don’t really like to “date” girls casually because its cheesy. I especially hate being out on a “date” because when you’re on a date, everyone around can tell that you’re on a date, and that just makes it a lot worse.
56. I’m not especially interested in making any new friends. I know this sounds like weird or arrogant or something to some people. But what I mean by that is I’m not interested in going out of my way to meet people or to force friendships to happen. The only people I become friends with now are people who I have an instant rapport with, and this is generally very rare.
57. I’ve never done any psychedelic drugs, but would like to.
58. I never drank or smoked pot in any significant way before I was 21.
59. I only smoke pot very occasionally, because I never buy it. I would if I could though, but this city seems to be yielding me no reliable “hook-ups.”
60. If you think I think about weird shit normally, you should talk to me about the stuff that I’m thinking when I get stoned. It’s a hundred times weirder, but consequently more difficult to describe.
61. When me and my brother go to the movies, for some reason, people seem to mistake us for a gay couple. Teenagers especially will drive by and yell out “Fags!” I’m not especially offended by it so much as I am really shocked that people are so bigoted.
62. I once vowed that the next person who committed this act was going to see me pull out my knife and start chasing them. Unfortunately, it hasn’t happened since. Probably for the best.
63. I’ve never gotten into an actual fight, although one time in French class in highschool, a couple of us were bothering this kid named Brian Galler so badly that he turned around and punched me in the face. I was totally shocked, but it didn’t hurt. The teacher witnessed the whole thing, but class just went on like nothing happened.
64. One time at a friends party in highschool, all these weird asshole guys showed up and were breaking stuff and throwing bottles, and I yelled at them to leave and they kept saying how they were going to take me out in the woods and beat the shit out of me. But then they left. Pussies. I would have liked to see them try.
65. I started wearing motorcycle boots because I worked at a motorcycle shop in Manhattan. Admittedly, I was only working on their website, and I didn’t work that hard. But it’s still cool, and people always compliment me on how “boss” they are.
66. I was going to buy an old bike from one of the guys who worked there, but then I remembered that I didn’t have any money or insurance and wasn’t really ready to die just yet. I will get one someday though, when I’m ready to die.
67. I taught web design and development to adults for a vocational training company for two years.
68. I really like teaching and I think I’m actually really good at it. I’d like to get back into it someday, but don’t want to have to get a degree. So I’ll probably have to wait until I start lecturing at sci-fi conventions.
69. I’m always really disappointed that people I know don’t write in their blogs more, especially people I don’t get to see too often.
70. I guess I could just call them, but I really only have regular phone relationships with maybe 2 or 3 people.
71. I’m also pretty worried that someday we’re all gonna get cancer from cell phones, and probably from computers. The computer part would place me in an especially high risk category, so I’ll just have to make sure I do everything I need to do before that happens.
72. I only follow politics when I want to argue with other people and start fights about it, which I haven’t wanted to do in months.
73. I didn’t vote, and I think voting is an enormous fraud to fool people into thinking they have a voice so that they keep pumping money and man-hours into the system, rather than rising up in rebellion.
74. I think people choose political parties based on what kind of lies (I mean ideals, whoops!) they like better.
75. I also stopped following politics, because once I get started onto a negative track of thought, I find it really hard to break.
76. An ex-girlfriend once told me I think too much. I think she was right, but that it’s also my greatest strength. Since then, I’ve learned to balance it in a much more useful and more intuitive way.
77. I’ve always firmly believed that one day I would become some sort of wizard or something. It’s always just seemed inevitable to me. I guess a lot of little kids think that, but I’ve really never “let the dream die” so to speak.
78. I’m writing a book right now about stories and religion, and how people live their lives with them.
79. I think it’s actually going to be a really good book, but it’s probably the hardest single thing I’ve ever attempted to do.
80. Since I started it in earnest this past week, I’ve been plagued by self-doubt, and never has procrastination gripped me so ferociously. I take these as signs of being on the right track, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
81. I think that doing this book is somehow essential in my personal and creative development. But I can’t quite articulate why or in what way. I guess that’s just how intuition works though.
82. The hardest thing about following intuition is that you’re so blind during it in other ways. This makes fear an especially force during these times of darkness.
83. I spent almost the entire month of December travelling around the Mid-Atlantic states, staying with and seeing different friends and family.
84. I don’t have a ton of friends, but I know a few very good people who I would put all my weight behind at a moment’s notice, and who I know would do (and have done) the same for me.
85. I tend to be extremely honest with people in a way that makes most people rather uncomfortable, especially when they’re not used to it.
86. It’s especially easy for me to tell when people are lying to me or to themselves, but maybe that’s just arrogance talking.
87. This one English girl in my highschool, who I always had the biggest crush on, but who was never into me, supposedly told one of my friends that she thought I was too arrogant. In highschool, I especially was, but she actually went out with guys who were a thousand times more arrogant than me, so that must have not been the real problem.
88. Last year on New Years Eve, while super drunk, I accidentally shot this same girl in the leg with a bottle rocket. She was really mad, but I secretly enjoyed it as a sort of revenge.
89. I’m able to direct an enormous amount of energy onto the things that I’m really interested in.
90. I’ve not seen a lot of other people who can do this, and am always looking around for them, because I think when you have other people like that, you only fuel each other onward and upward.
91. If I were to fall in love again at some point down the road, it would have to be with somebody like that.
92. I used to play guitar and paint, but I’ve gone through a necessary process of winnowing down my creative outlets in order to maximize the advances I make in an area. If you spread it all out, it’s much harder to get anywhere.
93. I have almost no conception or where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing in five years, but I know it’s going to be something totally awesome.
94. Every once in a while I start to wonder why it is I do any of this stuff, and I start to think that none of it really matters to anybody at the end of the day. But then I tell myself to shut the hell up and get back to work.
95. If I were to become famous, I wouldn’t forget the “little people”. And I’m not talking about leprechauns. I’m talking about how like when the Notorious BIG made it, he brought his “home crew” with them. I think that’s pretty much the way to do it.
96. More than pretty much anything, I like making connections between things. For myself, but also for other people. Anytime I can hook somebody up to something that’s gonna be useful to them somehow, I get an enormous kick out of it.
97. Doug once said that I “talk like a bibliography” which I thought was an enormous compliment, although maybe he meant it as a dig. I’m not sure.
98. “We’ll see what happens,” and “I’m not too worried about it,” are phrases that I find myself saying and meaning all the time. I’m extremely laid back (usually) and am good at exercising “loose control” when it comes to how things play out.
99. I’m a huge proponent of the idea that things work themselves out. Not to say that you shouldn’t expend effort, but I think the real effort goes into making yourself right, rather than focusing on trying to control everything else. When you’re right, nothing else can ever be totally wrong, even shit that goes disastrously bad.
100. Someday, when I have a bunch of money, I’m going to hire Amish people to build me a house on a secluded plot of land. Everyone who’s cool will be welcome to come stay as long as they want in my forest retreat.

Whoo! 100! That took fucking forever to write. God! Good times though. Having done it, I can now see the value of it more, as like a way to take stock of what’s important and where you’re going and stuff. Anyway, bam!

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