What the fuck? Who in hell is getting paid to write these articles on MSNBC? This latest one I found is all about how you should “drink water when you’re thirsty.” Seriously. That is the ENTIRE point of the article. And somehow they manage to go on and on about it. It’s amazing.

I mean, it especially gets me personally, because I sit here day in and day out busting my balls, finding all kinds of cool shit to write about - and some fucking team of jackasses sits in their office somewhere and has a meeting that goes something like this:

“Guys, we need a ‘killer’ new piece for our health section. Let’s brainstorm ideas.”

“Hm, okay, I’ve been kicking around an article idea for the past couple years. It’s titled, ‘How many toes do most people have?’”

“Wow. Wow! Not bad, Charley. Not bad at all. When do you think you could have this piece done by?”

“Oh gosh-golly, it’s a tough one. Could take another six months.”

“Well, don’t rush it. I want you to really flesh this thing out. Put some serious time into it. We could be looking at Pulitzer material here. Anybody have any other ideas?”

“Oh oh! I got one, chief! I think most people want to know when’s the best time to do stuff…”

“Like what kind of stuff?”

“Oh, you know, like when to drink water. Stuff like that.”

“JACKPOT! That’s a great one. People do want to know about that kind of thing. When should you drink water? What’s the answer? What is the answer?”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to look into it.”

“You have 3 weeks. Whatever resources you need, I’ll move heaven and earth to get you them. Now get out there and knock em dead!”

I mean, fucking christ! Drink water when you’re thirsty! What’s next, an article telling you to sleep when you’re tired or eat when you’re hungry or jack-off when you’re horny? Are people sitting out there in computer-land actually reading this article and a little lightbulb flashes over their head? Is that really the state of the world? I absolutely refuse to believe it.