Okay everybody. Fucking, enough. This is the third email I’ve gotten like this today. What the fuck? Am I sending out a “Morons Please Contact Me” psychic vibe today or something? The next person who sends me one of these is gonna get a punch in the nuts and I’m going to track you down, come to your house and strangle your dog and then piss on it.

Some weird motherfucker emailed me a couple times last year wanting me to check out some creepy new age site they were affiliated with. They wrote back a month or two later, asking if I’d checked it out yet. I was trying to be nice, and said I’d not had any time. Fact is, I looked at it and thought it was stupid. Now they just sent me this, I mean, what the fuck is this?

well….I see how you are lookin’ these days…! I am out of “the hole.” I see everything alot different now…..Do you remember me from a few months ago? If so…I have one thing to say to you–which I learned–it’s that You are completely wasting your life!!! I am talking to Tim Bouchet directly when I say this! Good luck Tim…complete your life….what you say is absolute bullshit…You are nothing but an X-file soap opera… if you want to know…you! then just give me an e-mail. peace out good buddy!

I feel like this email is so fucking stupid that it deserves to be gone over with a fine tooth comb.

well….I see how you are lookin’ these days…!

What… does that…. mean? Are you stalking me? Are you sitting in the bushes across the street with binoculars whacking off?

I am out of “the hole.”

Were you in “prison?” Were you trapped in a well with that baby, what was her name, Jessica?

I see everything alot different now…..

Oh what a relief. So you have moved on from one moronic approach to a totally new one. Excellent.

Do you remember me from a few months ago?

Unfortunately, yes, and you creeped me out then, but I was trying to be nice (see above). Now, I am no longer interested in maintaining that charade.

If so…I have one thing to say to you–which I learned–it’s that You are completely wasting your life!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AM I???? OH MY GOD!? WHY DIDN’T ANYBODY TELL ME SOONER????? WHYYYYYYYYYY GOD WHY!!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO NOW? IS THERE SOME KIND OF CULT I CAN JOIN, OR PERSON WHO IS GOING TO GIVE ME ALL THE ANSWERS??? CAUSE, SHIT I COULD REALLY USE SOMEBODY LIKE THAT RIGHT NOW

I am talking to Tim Bouchet directly when I say this!

Oh wait… so you’re not actually talking to me at all then? Well, that’s cool. For a second, I thought my entire life was crumbling down around me. Fucking moron.

Good luck Tim…complete your life….what you say is absolute bullshit…You
are nothing but an X-file soap opera…

Thanks, I do plan on “completing my life.” It seems like its going to be awesome. It actually already is. And I don’t need some horseshit jerk to tell me otherwise, thanks! PS. I love the X-Files motherfucker!

if you want to know…you! then just give me an e-mail.

Right. This makes perfect sense. If I want to know ME, then I will ask YOU, a complete stranger, and a creepy stranger, and one who can’t spell or string together a coherent thought. That is exactly what I will do. Oh mighty master! Oh exalted enlightened one! Whatever would you have me do next to rectify my miserable life, which I didn’t know was miserable until you just told me????

peace out good buddy!

I’m not your buddy. Fuck you. Why don’t you crawl back into “the hole” and “complete your life”? Peace out good buddy!