The Hot Dog Sacrament

Well, I’m about an hour late, or else I would have begun this post with “Just in time for Maundy Thursday!” Also called Holy Thursday, it’s the day when Jesus supposedly ate the Last Supper with his Apostles.

In honor of that, I’d like to talk about a dream told to me by Garrett Kelly of the Resurrected Insurrection. I’m gonna try and summarize the key points, rather than post the whole thing. It’s pretty long, so forgive me if I mangle it, Garrett. Oh, also, as a bit of background, Garrett was a religious studies major in college once upon a time - which I think will help you understand why he’d be having weird religiously-themed dreams like this.

Anyway, in the dream, Garrett runs into a Pastor who he knew from his religious studies program, who said to him:

    Garrett, why don’t you join the Church, devote yourself to Christ. I know what kind of person you are, I know of your struggle with being genuine and sincere, but I know that you have a kind heart, a compassionate conviction to help people. Why aren’t you using it? Why are you continuing to deny Him?

Garrett replies:

    “Wait a second! It ís not my fault soley! Have you ever considered that it ís a problem with Christianity?! I am ready to be at service, I WANT to work in that capacity; but I can’t connect to this Christianity that has become so stale, devoid of any mystery or awe-filled meaning.

    Then, bursting into tears, I pointed my finger:

    “You don’t know how envious I am that there are people who believe and find real meaning; people that can hear God, and are able to reconcile and work through all of this with a real sense of security. I want desperately to be one of those people!”

After that, a crowd of people suddenly starts to form. They are mocking him and also eating BBQ off styrofoam plates. The rising din prevents any further discussion between the two parties. Suddenly, a little girl begins choking on a piece of the BBQ meat, and then so does Garrett and many others in the crowd. And everybody is throwing up in the bathroom. But the Pastor who started the whole confrontation thinks they are eating it, and he doesn’t find out about the vomiting.

There’s some other stuff too, but those are the points which I want to focus on. Okay, so the immediate thing that this triggered in my mind was an episode in Philip K. Dick’s VALIS, page 208:

    First I had fixed a mug of hot chocolate. Then I had fixed a hot dog on a bun with the usual trimmings; Christopher, young as he was, loved hot dogs and warm chocolate.

    Seated on the floor in Christopher’s room with him, I - or rather VALIS in me, as me - had played a game. First I jokingly held the cup of chocolate up, over my son’s head; then, as if by accident I had splashed warm chocolate on his head, into his hair. Giggling, Christopher had tried to wipe the liquid off; I had of course helped him. Leaning toward him, I had whispered:

    “In the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit.”

    No one heard me except Christopher. Now as I wiped the warm chocolate from his hair, I inscribed the sign of the cross on his forehead. I had now baptised him and now I confirmed him; I did so not by the authority of the church, but by the authority of the living plasmate within me: VALIS himself. Next, I said to my son, “Your secret name, your Christian name is–”. And I told him what it was. Only he and I are ever to know; only he and I and VALIS.

    Next I took a bit of the bread from the hot dog bun and held it forth; my son - still a baby really - opened his mouth like a little bird, and I placed the bit of bread in it. We seemed the two of us to be sharing a meal; an ordinary simple common meal.

    For some reason it seemed essential - quite crucial - that he take no bite of the hot dog meat itself. Pork could not be eaten under these circumstances; VALIS filled me with this urgent knowledge.

    As Christopher started to close his mouth to chew on the bit of bread, I presented him with the warm chocolate. To my surprise - being so young, he still normally drank from his bottle, never from a cup - he reached eagerly to take the mug; as he took it, lifted it to his lips and drank from it, I said:

    “This is my blood and this is my body.”

    My little son drank, and I took the mug back. The greater sacraments had been accomplished. Baptism, then confirmation, then the most holy sacrament of all, the Eucharist: the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper.

As far as I understand it, this was Dick’s initiating his son into the order of the secret gray-robed Christians, who took part in the true mystical tradition.

Seems like Garrett’s dream talks a lot about this whole idea of the church as we know it having been corrupted. And that at its core, there are still esoteric teachings which are real and valuable, but which have been lost. In the dream, where everyone starts throwing up from the BBQ meat, it’s almost like they violated the sacred prohibition against pork which Dick mentions. This, of course, being symbolic of something much greater about the true nature of Christ’s message.

Garrett’s interpretation tended more towards the people’s being unable to “swallow” Christ’s teachings. But I rather like this alternative presented to us through the PKD material. Either way, it’s a really interesting dream, and very timely for this Holy Week we find ourselves in.


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