This is the kind of email I live for… (I’m guessing its based either on this or this - neither of which are very harsh at all, I might point out). Captain Moron writes:

I had a good laugh at what you said about Dr. Wayne Dyers, and his power of intention. Are you familiar with the concept of taking something out of context? Just because something is over your head in understanding, does not mean one should condemn it. You sir are a truely funny guy. You should stay away from things you don’t understand, until you adopt a more intellegent way of looking at things. For example, research something before you judge a mans life time of work and charity on a scrap of dialog you listened to while sick and irritable. C’mon man, people like you started the which hunts with your ignorence….your a joke.

Allow me to do my old game of responding to this line-by-line:

I had a good laugh at what you said about…

Anytime somebody starts an email this way, it’s pretty much a guarantee that they’re about to say something stupid. The only worse word he could have used was “chuckle.” Only assholes chuckle.

Are you familiar with the concept of taking something out of context?

Um… WHAT’S THAT? I’ve never heard of it, jackass.

Just because something is over your head in understanding, does not mean one should condemn it.

What the hell is over my head? I don’t have anything against Wayne Dyer the man, but the shit he’s saying is absolutely the lowest common denominator, say it so everyone can understand it, hit you over the head with it’s obviousness - type of stuff. I mean, one of this guy’s quotes is “If we are to have magical bodies, we must have magical minds.” I mean, not only is this completely silly, it’s just useless. It’s just a spiritual pleasantry to make people feel like they are connecting to something deeper without actually having to do any of the difficult legwork to get there.

You sir are a truely funny guy. You should stay away from things you don’t understand, until you adopt a more intellegent way of looking at things.

Yes, I am a funny guy, unlike your tightwad constrictive narrow-thinking ass. And furthermore, staying away from things you don’t understand is absolutely the worst advice anyone could ever give. The whole point of education, advancement and exploration is to DIVE INTO things you don’t understand. So what if you don’t understand them totally, and you make mistakes. Immersing yourself in them is the only way you’re going to get anywhere or increase your understanding.

At the risk of being overly analytical, I feel like the advice you’re giving me is actually for you yourself - a good bit of projection. You happen to like Wayne Dyer and no doubt find his message inspiring and bone-chilling. The things I’m talking about though, you’re having a hard time grasping. So your initial reaction is an angry condescending one. You think, “This guy sees something I don’t: he must be bad! I’ll email him a nasty letter so I can reconcile this into something I know and understand.” It’s the old cognitive dissonance/knee jerk/cultural immune system kicking in. Your brain is simply trying to sort out my message into your junk mail folder automatically.

For example, research something before you judge a mans life time of work and charity on a scrap of dialog you listened to while sick and irritable.

Again, I’ve never said anything bad about Mr. Dyer. He seems like a great person, I just don’t “jive” with what he said. I don’t need to do a lifetime worth of studying about him in order to know within thirty seconds whether or not what he’s saying is something I can use and enjoy. Being judgemental is not as dangerous as you’ve been indoctrinated to believe. Sure, it can get you into trouble with retarded areas like racism and stuff. But really judgement is one of our most powerful tools as humans. We’re supposed to use and refine our tools.

C’mon man, people like you started the which hunts with your ignorence….your a joke.

I started the which hunts? Don’t you mean witch hunts? Don’t talk to me about ignorance when you’re mixing up homophones, spaz! And furthermore, YES YOU ARE RIGHT! I STARTED THE WITCH HUNTS! I was personally responsible for centuries of oppression under the rigid authoritarian hierarchy of the Catholic Church which was trying to maintain control over it’s story-system, institution and populace. And you know what? I did it ALL OUT OF IGNORANCE, because I didn’t know which witch was which.

I’m officially giving you an “F-” on this email. Your biggest mistake was in criticizing me for something that you yourself are doing in this email. I suggest you go back home, turn off the tv, and get back to me when you’ve actually got an original thought, instead of just spewing back out a lifetime of nonsense that you’ve been told and mistakenly applied to real life.