Ordinarily I hate these blog chain letters which people disguise using the neologism “meme” but this one actually has the potential to be pretty fun. So, from Jeremy’s example, here is my follow-up. I’m not going to officially force this on anybody, but if you want to run with it, feel free. The basic gist is to pick a handful of slogans or sayings that piss you off and explain why.

1. “Wake up!” - When you read a lot of stuff relating to contemporary spirituality and conspiracy and related fields, you invariably run across people who are screeching something like “Wake up, people!” Look, I understand the urge, but simply telling someone to “wake up” does pretty much nothing. That’s like running around and telling people “Jesus is the answer.” I mean, maybe he is… but just you saying that he is doesn’t really help at all. Like nobody is walking around the streets thinking, “Hm, what’s the answer, WHAT is the answer?” Similarly, nobody is sitting there thinking: “Should I wake up or not wake up? I wish I had some numbskull to explicitly tell me which one to choose without giving me any additional help beyond that!”
2. “I’ll try anything once!” - I guarantee everybody who has ever said this line (and there are literally billions of you) will in fact NOT try anything once. And that’s for a simple reason: some things are stupid. Would you stick your bleeding leg into the mouth of a shark? Would you walk up to a cop and try to pull out his gun from his belt just for laughs? Would you pour crazy glue down both of your ear canals? Would you dig up a corpse and dress it up in a tuxedo and take it to meet your girlfriend’s parents? OF COURSE NOT! You can be wild and fun-loving and open to opportunities that come your way without making a ridiculous statement that isn’t true. Anyway, I know that when you said you would “try anything once” what you actually meant was “Yes, I’ll have a shot of tequila. I’ve never had one before, but hey - I’ll try anything once!”
3. “Rock the Vote!” - This can be replaced by any number of similar slogans designed to appeal to a hip young audience to “get us involved in our government” and our “civic duty.” People need to seriously stop trying to convince me that I should pick which corporate-puppet would be a more acceptable face to take away my rights as a human being. I’m just so tired of it that I’m not even going to go further into the argument than this. Just wait until they come up with catchy slogans to force us all into concentration camps. We’ll see who’s laughing then.
4. “I have [insert phony medical-industry concocted ailment] syndrome!” - Look, you don’t have ADD. You don’t have seasonal affective disorder. You’re not bipolar. You’re not all the rest. Or either that, we all are. The fact of the matter is: all these things are normal! There, I said it. Every single fucking person is a complex ball of conflicting emotions and problems and what-have-you. You don’t need to fork out a bunch of money to solve it. And you also don’t need to pump yourself full of mind-numbing poison either. What you need to do is go out there and live life and embrace it. It’s not always easy, but who said it had to be anyway?

Okay, there we go. Oh wait, I just thought of another infuriating one from the “War on Terror.” It goes: “Freedom Isn’t Free!” - Nor is it to be gained through taking away the freedom of other people. It’s like a fucking KKK member having a bumper sticker that says: “Hate Isn’t Hateful!” It’s just all fucking backwards, but people swallow it like it’s nothing. WAKE UP, PEOPLE!

UPDATE!

I thought of one more: it’s not really a slogan. It’s those yellow plastic “Live Strong” armbands.