If you remain unconvinced about the cancer-healing properties of Kabbalah Water, maybe you should give Reverend Peter Popoff’s Miracle Spring Water a try instead! Just go to his website and you can order some for free!
Of course, when they say free, they mean they will hit you up for donations afterwards. But hey, he’s still giving you something free, right? Yes, that’s right: water! Oh, and I think you get some kind of book or pamphlet too, called “Prosperity Thinking”. Elsewhere, his site claimes you can receive a copy of this or other books “free” with your “Love Gift” of $3.00.
The main focus of Popoff’s ministries seems to be using the magical money-power of Jesus to cure people of financial woes, and physical ailments. Don’t take my word for it though, check out some of the magical testimonials on his site:
I was in need of fast money… the red prayer cloth really did work. I thank God for this ministry.
Oh right, that “fast money” red cloth that Jesus mentions so frequently in the Bible!
Right after I ate the anointed miracle cakes I got a $5,000 bill paid off
Mm, miracle cakes! And here I am wasting my time with regular cake!
I put $76.00 in the mail you asked for.
I swear to God, they actually included that in their testimonials!
The other funny part is, don’t Jesus’ disciples in the Bible tend to actually give away all their possessions, and exist totally outside the realm of money? I mean, maybe I’m totally crazy, I don’t know.
If that’s not enough, you can also read on an independent website about how James Randi went toe-to-toe with Popoff in the late 80’s. Ordinarily I find Randi’s insistence on disproving everything be a bit of a bore. But in this case, I’m willing to make an exception. Seems Randi publicly exposed (on Johnny Carson) research he did with a team of people over several months into Popoff’s mass ministry sessions. Popoff had become well-known for being able to “receive messages from God” during his stadium performances. He would go to somebody in the audience, tell them their name and address, and what ails them, and then heal them of it. Turns out Randi caught him on tape using an electronic surveillance device receiving the “word of God” from his wife, a staff member who had information cards and guided him via radio transmitter to the audience members whom God had chosen for healing.
The team recorded hours of conversations in which Elizabeth Popoff radioed to her husband personal details that she and other aides gathered from the audience in conversations before the service and from prayer request cards filled out there. Elizabeth Popoff and several aides would scout the audience looking for “hot” ones. They would ask them, “Is Jesus going to heal you? And what’s your name, and where do you live? Have you had this condition long?” They would write all this information down on cards, which later on Elizabeth would recite during the service via her concealed transmitter. She carried the power source in a large handbag, and the transmitter and microphone were hidden under her blouse.
Randi staged a series of other events involving a cross-dresser with a fake uterine cancer and some other things to really put the “burn” on Popoff’s ministries. Years later though, the controversy doesn’t seem to have harmed him any. A lot of people don’t even see what Popoff does with his magic water as being bad. Chris Abraham writes about it on his weblog:
Peter Popoff gives away Miracle Spring Water. My parish priest gives away Holy Water. The RC church gives away Holy Water as well.
All for free.
But, usually it is good form to tithe and donate to the fold. Its all good stuff, but as always — whether plecebo or real medicine — one has to have Faith in the stuff you’re drinking in order to influence reality. They forget that Holy Water is like Ramen Noodles: you have to add something to it to make it nutritional. In the case of Ramen Noodles, boiling water. In the case of Holy Miracle Water, its Faith.
My question of course, is why not just fire up some Ramen noodles instead? We could even call them “Faith Noodles” if we’re feely saucy. To be serious again though, this kind of thinking really gets me. Just because something purports to be “free” doesn’t mean it’s not soul-deadening bullshit. You don’t have to give up any money to surrender your dignity or spiritual autonomy. You can even just give it away – free!
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8 Comments
I was watching Popoff’s show the other night. Whew! It would be funny if it weren’t so tragic. Plus, they seem to be VERY stingy with the Miracle Water. It LOOKED like about a thumb-size container! So as to appear even more precious and rare, I suppose.
I have a bottle of Lourdes Water that someone gave me in the ’80s. Works GREAT on a hangover!
i used to work at ‘the fountain of youth historical park’ in st. augustine, fl. it was supposedly where ponce de leon landed and found a spring that could have been the ‘fountain of youth.’ for seven bucks (i’m sure it’s more by now), tourists could visit the spring and get a plastic shot-glass full of sulphur water from the ‘fountain.’ invariably half of the people who drank the water made utterly stupid and repetitive jokes like ‘where’s the fountain of vodka?’ ‘i’ll bet you’re eighty years old, right?’ then we’d have an historical questions and answers session about st. augustine, when people would ask stuff like ’so, when the pilgrims lived here, did they get here before or after columbus’? like they learned their history from bugs bunny cartoons. the whole thing was a huge bilk. ponce never set foot there. we filled the water bottles out of a tap that led into the same aquifer that supplied the tourists’ hotel bathrooms. we also sold little vials of the water in the gift shop for $5 a pop.
i guess the moral is that some people will do really stupid shit sometimes.
My friend KC was really into Popoff back in college. He sent away for that vial of water ( I think) but instead they sent him a “cloud from heaven” which was really just a piece of cotton. Did they really think they could fool anyone with that shit?
My personal favorite has always been Benny Hinn for some reason.
Did any of you ever recieve that folded map with Jesus’s face on it? It came randomly in the mail one day and you were supposed to pray on it and send it back – I think it had an optical illusion in it also, so that people might go “Holy Shit! His eyes are following me! Then join up for a hefty membership fee.”
Ever seen Through the Eyes of Tammy Faye?
Somewhere I have all these insane prayer requests that I would send off through electronic mail to christian sites that promised to peruse over them and pray for your needs. My point was to make prayers so intelligiable that God couldn’t understand them. Sometimes the people would write back and try to address whatever point they thought I was trying to convey. I should of saved the list of sites because I swear there was one that would transmit your prayers into radio signals and send them to a planet which was supposed to be the last known place god was had resided.
Sorry this is all tangent-y.
My point was to make prayers so intelligiable that God couldn’t understand them.
Brilliant! And not at all tangent-y.
i like to call these 1-800 numbers and ask the operator if the head guy there speaks directly to god,and when the operator goes”uh huh” i say “well ask your boss,next time he`s speaking with god,to tell the man to stop starving whole countries in africa and sending hurricaines up the gulf of mexico.and making wars around the planet.”
well,it makes me feel better,anyway.
I meant “unintelligiable” but intelligiable is funny too.
I love 1800-numbers. I’ve always been a big fan: ever since 9th grade when we found out if you called 1-800-Fat-Lady you could talk to a phone sex operator for free. That didn’t last very long, but…
There is this one number, which I will not disclose, that my friends have been calling for a long time. It was great cause you could push the number 2 and it would replay your message!!!!. Anyplace we were on the planet we would call and leave diary type entries, or play music, or leave wierd messages.
The other day I called some 800 number and got a random old guys private line or something. I asked him if he believed in time travel and he said no. Then I asked him what he thought about being on the planet earth and he told me to read the bible. I said “thanks for talking to me, we’ll probably never meet again, but I hope you have a nice life.” I always get scared when I say that cause it sounds like I’m a serial killer – but I mean it seriously, I hope their life goes well.
One time my friend Jake called a random 800 number and got a directory for a whole office building. WE left messages on everyone’s private voicemail and thought about how crazy it would be the next day in the office. We wondered if anyone would talk about it over the water-cooler. Our messages were things like “why don’t you take the day off today? It’s so nice outside…” etc.
I recommend it. Just find a payphone and dial at random – 1800, or 1888.
holy crap, that thing with leaving messages on the entire office voice mail is amazing!
The Kabbalah Center was giving away little a “free” book for awhile…but the shiping was thirteen dollars.
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[...] ng water. It’s annoying the crap out of me. See, I wrote a post about a fellow named Peter Popoff (real name) who gives away (for a donation) magical [...]