From the weirder side of news:

1. Scott Krause crashed his car into a UPS truck, killing the driver. His defense will revolve around his belief that flesh-eating subterranean aliens called “hemadrones” were chasing him, and were planning to ship him in a cargo box to China where he would be eaten. (If anybody knows of other mentions of “hemadrones” that don’t relate to this guy, let me know)
2. Meanwhile, in Nairobi another man was ordered by the devil to have sex with a sheep (while another man was ordered by god to pull out a leopard’s tongue!)
3. All of this might have been avoided by a short trip to Malcolm Poussaint, one of London’s top Voodoo exorcists.
4. Although who knows if even an exorcist could have prevented Brazil’s 11 recent deaths from vampire bats.
5. While some scientists are busy planning to put a shield of debris around Earth to protect it from global warming, others are hashing out how to grow tulips on the Moon.
6. In a related yet inscrutable bit of pseudo-scientific cultural engineering, NASA has plans to “blow up” a comet on the Fourth of July with a probe hilariously called “Deep Impact” (named after a 1998 movie in which a comet is about to collide with earth in a doomsday event)
7. Philip K. Dick would be proud: a bionic dolphin watercraft has been engineered to swim just like a real dolphin. Now we’re free to kill off all the pesky real ones. What a relief!
8. A “massive crack” has opened up in the earth in Claude, TX - presumably to reclaim George W. Bush into the depths of Hell.
9. A 12 year old Russian boy’s death is being credited to video games, but at least he’s not menstruating!