I dealt with this issue a lot when I dropped out of art school. I decided that college had an artificialness to it that I didn’t want, because you can choose the classroom, and maybe even the teacher, but you can’t choose what you’re going to learn. So why not give up also on choosing the classroom and the teacher as well? Just let them come to you. It seemed like as much of a crapshoot as anything.

And I’ve been doing that for a while now, I guess. But the negative aspect of it is that it can turn into a kind of aimless floating. Or rather, it feels aimless while it’s happening. But looking back, it’s usually got a pretty consistent direction all on it’s own. But that doesn’t make it feel any better.

I guess the question I’m asking though is not how do you make it feel better… Or wait, maybe that really is the question I’m asking. Now I’m not sure. Hehe. Oh well. Sorry, I think I just cooked part of my brain.

I guess where I’m going with this is just what you suggested: to pray and have faith and purify my desire.

By definition, the student does not know, so how can he recognize the teacher who knows? If one’s knowledge is limited to ordinary states of consciousness, he cannot comprehend a higher state of consciousness. Therefore if he tries to choose a teacher, he will choose one that appeals to his defective, limited knowledge, and thus choose wrongly.

The solution is to have faith in a higher power, and to pray for a teacher, having faith that God will reveal the actual Teacher from the many false ones. “When the student is ready, the Teacher appears.” Thus the success or failure of the esoteric student is dependent on the purity of his desire and faith.