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Armed Dolphins On the Loose!
This is just screaming to be made into a bad Hollywood thriller. It’s so far out that it would be impossible to believe were it not being reported by the UK’s highly respected Guardian:
It may be the oddest tale to emerge from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.
Experts who have studied the US navy’s cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying ‘toxic dart’ guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet’s smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.
Dolphins have been trained in attack-and-kill missions since the Cold War. The US Atlantic bottlenose dolphins have apparently been taught to shoot terrorists attacking military vessels. Their coastal compound was breached during the storm, sweeping them out to sea. But those who have studied the controversial use of dolphins in the US defence programme claim it is vital they are caught quickly.
And just why is it so vital that they’re found quickly? I’m glad you asked!
‘My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have simulated terrorists in exercises. If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or suicide bomber and if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts, they could fire,’ he said. ‘The darts are designed to put the target to sleep so they can be interrogated later, but what happens if the victim is not found for hours?’ […]
The navy launched the classified Cetacean Intelligence Mission in San Diego in 1989, where dolphins, fitted with harnesses and small electrodes planted under their skin, were taught to patrol and protect Trident submarines in harbour and stationary warships at sea.
Insanity… circuits… over-… loading…
Military dolphins have also been pressed into service evidently in Iraq. The European Cetacian Bycatch Campaign also has a big archive of articles about these military “killer” dolphins.
[Article found via the positively paranoid Cryptogon]
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September 26th, 2005 at 12:27 am
John C. Lilly, where are you?
September 26th, 2005 at 12:33 am
Yeah, seriously. We should be giving dolphins massive amounts of drugs, not guns!
September 26th, 2005 at 12:46 am
What are the mechanics involved with equipping a dolphin with a dart gun? No hands are involved , so I would wonder how they could shoot at a target.
September 26th, 2005 at 1:09 am
This is a relevant link. Lilly actually gave dolphins LSD, and vaguely implies in Programming and Metaprogramming… that he had sex with one. Considering that he oversaw military research with dolphins, I’d only be half-surprised his research led to the gubment training the dolphins used brainwaves to fire darts.
September 26th, 2005 at 1:27 am
[…] to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico. More at Tim’s site. This entry was post […]
September 26th, 2005 at 1:48 am
Google has a couple unhelpful images of military dolphins at play.
Here’s another links collection on military dolphins.
Apparently, they also use sea lions and orcas.
September 26th, 2005 at 2:04 am
That is so awesome. I don’t even know what to think… it’s like the best B-film story ever has just come to life!
September 26th, 2005 at 2:08 am
Anyway, since somebody else brought up the topic of having sex with dolphins, I feel compelled to post this guide to the subject, which I’m really not sure whether it’s real or what. You’ll have to, ah, investigate this one for yourselves.
http://www.zoophile.net/dolphin.php
Maybe we can lure these dolphins back into captivity with the promise (or threat) of cheap sex…
September 26th, 2005 at 12:06 pm
“So long, and thanks . . . . “
September 26th, 2005 at 12:14 pm
“… for all the illicit sex”
September 26th, 2005 at 6:09 pm
Great comment on this at Ran’s site by a reader named Becky:
September 27th, 2005 at 12:06 am
thank god they didn’t train the dolphins to help flood victims.
September 27th, 2005 at 12:09 am
I know, seriously. That would truly be evil!
September 27th, 2005 at 2:50 pm
[…] Sep 2005 11:54 am
Save the Environment: Plant a . . . Landmine?
Right up there with training dolphins to kill? Protecting penguins with minefields! KIDNE […]
September 27th, 2005 at 8:48 pm
Funny thing, I used to know one of the trainers in that program.