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Committing Yourself to Christ
Yesterday I got a letter which really sparked a lot of thoughts for me about experiences in my own life, and how everybody deals with religion. The young lady who sent it to me said it was okay if I published an excerpt of it, so here is part of what she wrote:
Both my parents are Christians and they want me to start taking the class that says you want to become a member of the church. You know the one where you say “I believe in christ as my savior”. Well there’s a problem with that cause i don’t believe. I’ve tried telling my parents but it doesn’t always turn out so well. They tell me it would make them so happy if i took the class, but i don’t want to take it unless it’s what i believe. Right now i’m not sure where i stand on Religion, and i want to read about other religions to try and find the one that fits me best, but i think it will scare my parents.When i’m in church i don’t fell like i belong or fit in, everyone there can say how gods been in their life and stuff, but i can’t say that yet (or never will). I’m just having trouble on knowing where i stand
I’m curious as to how many people reading this reached a similar cross-roads growing up. I know I did. Though the exact age escapes me, when I was old enough to receive the sacrament of Confirmation in the Catholic Church (wherein you become a full “adult” member), I told my mom I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t just say I wasn’t ready or that I wasn’t sure. I simply said I didn’t want to. That of course didn’t work. She got mad and basically just gave me the argument that I should “just do it anyway”, and that was the end of it. There may have also been some justification about how if I wanted to someday get married in a Catholic Church, then I’d have to be confirmed then, and it was easier just to do it now rather than when I was older.
I guess it’s sort of like chicken pox, in that respect. Better just to get it over with.
In any event, here’s part of my response to this letter. I feel like I covered some really important ground in it, and I’m glad I had the opportunity to find my own way through this and possibly help somebody else through it.
Well, I’ll tell you a secret. What you’re going through is completely normal. In fact, I think everybody goes through periods of doubt and questioning. Some people just go through it for longer. And some people are better at hiding it when it happens to them. It’s nothing to get stressed out though - I don’t think. Quite the opposite. It’s positive, because it means that you really want to be sure that you’re doing the right thing.
Here’s another secret: for a lot of people, when they say “I believe such and such” what they’re really saying (whether or not they realize it) is “I’ve made a choice about this”. For some people, the choice to commit yourself to something comes first, and then the belief and the experience of it come later on. It doesn’t necessarily mean these people aren’t being sincere - because they are. For them, from that choice to believe comes the faith that their commitment will work out. It may not though - not everybody who says they believe in Jesus will ever necessarily experience him. And some people who don’t make that choice WILL experience it.
It probably all sounds very confusing, I know. But that’s what faith is supposed to be: a struggle. Like a romance combined with an adventure… combined with a big old kick in the ass. It would be kind of funny really if it was just between you and god, but since your parents are involved, you really need to take them into consideration in how you proceed.
I went into some other things about how it sounds like her parents really more than anything want to be sure that they’ve done a good job of instilling their values in her. And it sounds like they have, because she’s so firm in wanting to follow what she believes, and find what’s right for her. These are some of the most excellent gifts parents can give their kids. Unfortunately, for a lot of parents, the only way they are going to recognize that you’ve accepted their values is by saying you commit yourself to Jesus, or else following closely in the pattern your parents laid out for you. It’s a lot harder I think for parents to see that the excellent values they’ve instilled may lead children down different roads than they themselves took.
In any event, what kind of advice would you give to a young person struggling in these areas? Perhaps more importantly though is realizing that it isn’t only young people struggling here - it’s all people. How do we see our way through it? How do we help each other out?
October 4th, 2005 at 1:03 pm
This is really a tricky problem; religion is the one area of our life where we’re supposed to be utterly sincere; so because of this expectation of sincerity and holiness, to have to go to church and mouth words you don’t believe in feels like the worst kind of lie.
My advice would be don’t try to “force” yourself to believe. To do so can sow seeds of insincerity that will ultimately be damaging to your integrity and sense of self. Think of the New Testament as a book of philosophy and wisdom and read it for what speaks to you. Try to cultivate an attitude of openness and observation. If you seek the Spirit, it will eventually come to you. However, dogmatic “faith” is, in my opinion, a hindrance to direct connection with the Divine.
Maybe she could tell her parents that she is trying to seek God in her own way, and doesn’t want to tell a lie in the meantime? She could ask her parents what’s more important, doctrine or a true relationship with Jesus. It’s hard to tell from the brief excerpt here, but it sounds like their church might be of the evangelical stripe. There is a lot of beauty and power in some Evengelical faiths, but they do tend to have a fixation on winning souls and getting people to recite the phrase “I accept Jesus Christ into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior.”
October 4th, 2005 at 1:20 pm
I went through the same exact thing with confirmation in the RCC, but it was “I don’t know if I’m ready yet.” I got a speech from my dad about how it would make my mom happy, so I did it. Not sad I did, but I wish I’d been given my time to reconcile the church with the hierarchy. Now, I just don’t care, and am taking a similar but different path.
Advice…Hmmm…
To thine own self be true.
October 4th, 2005 at 3:44 pm
church is a social sorting mechanism. this young girls parents want her to have access to thier group. by future pacing ideas such as getting married in the faith, etc. you can see agendas.the parents didn`t give much clue as to why they want thier child in thier faith so it`s difficult to know where thier arguements lie. the girl will be negotiating her spiritual freedom whith her parents until the cows come home unfortunately. this is the hypocracy of superficial church teachings that people aren`t even equipped to be reasonable with thier child. the parents have a totalitarian approach to getting her bum on the plank, full stop. no more thought. mind control.
i went through that with my dad over catholicism. i was laughing at him, actually. i couldn`t understand how a scientist who spoke five languages and played with calculus for fun would buy such utter bullshit pushed by the creepiest of people imaginable. he wanted the church to do his job for him. i lost respect for him at that point. i was six.
October 4th, 2005 at 4:38 pm
In my middle age I’m still unsure of what I believe. I wrote a post about it today, coincidentally. You were right on to tell her that seeking is normal and good. It’s those who neglect to look themselves in the mirror occasionally, who forget who they are and who have the most difficulty making good decisions.
As a parent, my own struggles affect the answers I give my kids about God, faith and religion. But I figure that the most and best I can do is to encourage in them a sense of awe and discovery, give them access to good stuff while protecting them from bad stuff, and then let the Spirit lead them. If I’m ultimately wrong and there is no such thing as God and Spirit, then they will have made their own choice and I will have failed at mine without forcing failure on them.
Make any sense?
October 4th, 2005 at 5:10 pm
Experiment with drugs and sex first
October 4th, 2005 at 5:16 pm
alan watts claified something for me a minute ago. he said that eastern religion and psychology are interested in changes in consciousness, whereas western religion is interested in dogma and behaviour and rules. a person seeking or being asked to take western religion into thier lives should be aware of the distinction.
October 4th, 2005 at 5:18 pm
I don’t really know that dogma is always bad, nor do I think that’s a totally fair assessment of east/west religion. What’s Confucianism for example? It’s nothing but dogma.
October 4th, 2005 at 9:12 pm
no, the dogma of engineering principles or math is fine. metrics are for measurement. but, come on, the absolute word of god?
October 5th, 2005 at 1:52 am
My advice to the young lady is this: Learn the scriptures inside and out. Pick passages and quotes out to justify, and validate your own beliefs. Use the vast recourses of the Bible as a means to an end, that end is self-empowerment, whether you believe in Jesus or not. Throughout this process you will find where you stand, and you will stand with confidence.
October 5th, 2005 at 8:11 pm
Very simple:
first put all arrogance aside, even if you’re six, and understand, particularly if you are trying to reach a spiritual epiphany, that god exists. That should be nearly enough.
Next, read the Gospels. What does the King say about you, heaven, earth, god? How do you relate to Jesus’ teachings? If he were your boss, would you respect him? If he were president, would you praise him? If he were a way, or THE way, to god would you bow down before him, as he stroked your head to let you know everything would be alright, as your savior from life’s turmoils and hell?
If yes, the give your heart and be obedient, if not, keep searching.
October 5th, 2005 at 11:19 pm
arrogance is what will save a young spirit from the rabbit hole. yep, read scriptures but read alan watts too, and carl jung and some nlp and some r.a.wilson and some christopher hitchens…. but once you have lived a little, owned a car, been employed or had a business of your own. the idea of ideology is that it wants followers. see what the world of christians is doing for it`s self and see if you then want to be part of that game. the jesuits are fond of saying that if you will give me your child before the age of seven they will have them for life. that`s a good thing? i don`t believe most children have much chance in the face of such perverse determination to claim a mind. if any other institution made such a bold and public claim there would be suspicion as to the motives of the organisation.
it is clear that western religion is about behaviour and dogma more than about consciousness and well being. the scriptures are king jameses version……it says version right in the name fer christ`s sake…… of what jesus was saying. what jesus was on about was that the kingdom of heaven was in all of us when we decide. the kingdom of heaven was and still is in our minds. that`s why jesus himself was accused of blashemy and was put on trial.he said we are all the sons of god, the same as he was. he was giving the francise away. what his motives were, i don`t know, it eventually caught up with him and the romans tacked him up for the crows. the words do come through though, unless you get around absolute word of god types who are going to heave dogma at you until you relent and start saying things like “i`m a sinner” or “i`m not worthy” or ” if i don`t repent i`ll go to hell” . nice to see that there are those who care enough about our wellbeing that those are the thoughts that they want rattling around in the minds of our young.
the spanish catholics 400 years ago were so convinced that we must accept jesus as our saviour that if we didn`t accept the dogma we could be burned at the stake. these people actually believed that they we saving souls from eternal damnation and acted with the conviction of emergency ward surgeons trying to save a critically injured patient. some haven`t got too far from that position today, truth be known.
October 6th, 2005 at 10:17 pm
If he were your boss, would you respect him? If he were president, would you praise him?
Vomit. There are so many assumptions here… I wonder if Christians even realize that it is statements like this that subtly turn people off.
would you bow down before him, as he stroked your head to let you know everything would be alright
That sounds vaguely gross.
first put all arrogance aside, even if you’re six, and understand, particularly if you are trying to reach a spiritual epiphany, that god exists.
It’s not arrogance. It’s sincere questioning. It’s not enough to merely be *told* that god exists. Why should I believe you? Why should anyone’s teenage daughter believe you? The best you or anyone can do is show people the tools to know god, and live a good example in your own life. The rest is up to them.
October 6th, 2005 at 10:18 pm
Well said alistair.
October 6th, 2005 at 10:31 pm
Yeah good call, Kylark. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind when I first read that comment…
If he were touching you “down there” would you let him?
Hehe. My god doesn’t molest me, so I think I’ll keep searching.
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:56 pm
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