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Starbucks Megachurches!
In my on-going exploration of the Christian blogosphere, I happened across an interesting site called Slice of Laodicea. It beats me what that title is supposed to be a reference to, but that’s beside the point. In any event, the “About Me” page on this site has some interesting points about megachurches:
Of all the trends I’ve observed, the explosion of the “seeker”-centered megachurches is one of the most disturbing. Mega-churches in America have become absurd to the point where satire is almost impossible. Starbucks franchises and Christian tattoo parlors are now on church property. Rappers, hula praise dancers, contortionists, acupuncturists, liposuctionists, the side show of evangelicalism has an ever expanding cast of performers. The future of evangelicalism is here and it comes as an Elvis impersonator. Worse, in a quest for what’s real, false teaching is entering through the traditions of the East, like meditation and yoga in the new Emergent church movement.
I know they are trying to make it sound really bad. But in a way, it kinda sounds cool and exciting. No wonder people are flocking to these megachurches if they are offering such wild times. Has anybody reading this actually seen or been to a church of this persuasion? Is this an accurate reflection of these places, or is there a bit of caricature seeping in here?
Oh, and if you do decide to stop be Laodicea for a bit of commenting, make sure you heed their warning: “Anyone using the comment section to promote false doctrine will also be denied commenting rights.” Watch out, heathen scum! Jesus is on the prowl! Hehe.
December 9th, 2005 at 2:44 am
“False doctrine”=anything we don’t believe in, obviously.
This is not the first time I’ve encountered a Christian group (although this “group” seems to have just the one member, admittedly) using the name Laodicea and promoting itself as some sort of authority on “real” Christianity, whereby they are the only real Christians and all else are false. It’s kind of ironic, because in Revelation ch.3, Laodicea is the last church that Jesus writes to, accusing it of being lukewarm and saying he will vomit them out of his mouth. In other words, Jesus is far more displeased by Laodicea than any of the six other churches, even the ones he’s critical of, which is why I’m amused by the sight of these people invoking Laodicea’s name to posit themselves as the only true way to the Way and the Life…
December 9th, 2005 at 5:20 am
Welcome to the carnival!
Were everybody is after your attention
your beliefs and most of all, your soul!
This is like one big hypocritical
cosmic joke on us! JESUS!
Ah the birth of consumerist religion
where every megachurches are opening
like Starbucks. Chirst will save you,
with just a kind donation $20 or so
PLEASE! This is BULLSHIT!
We’re living in a sick world.
December 9th, 2005 at 5:30 am
To be fair, the idea that you’ll be “saved” through donation to the religious institution of the day isn’t exactly a new thing.
That said, if I was an evangelical Christian, I would become a member of one of those megachurches. Who wouldn’t leap out of bed every Sunday to be saved if church was that awesome? They could even have fire-breathers, BDSM shows, and Gwar concerts to show the terrors of Hell that await the sinners of the world.
December 9th, 2005 at 10:16 am
OMG! Like a present-day version of the renaissance Mystery Plays. That would be awesome.
December 9th, 2005 at 10:42 am
we already have people AT home stuck to the tube buying prayer’s w/ Credit Cards and over priced bible accessories.
atleast some people care enough to get off their ass to go praise jesus, even if it is by getting a back massage and a latte.
December 9th, 2005 at 12:36 pm
heck yeah, sign me up! while we’re at it, why not toss in a magic show? evangelical magicians turning water into wine and sawing heathens in half!
seriously, though, i’m with you, tim– i don’t see this as a problem. i see it as fun! i’m also not quite sure what the problem is that this fellow has with the megachurch phenom. the only *real* critique he gives is that ‘false teachings’ enter the church that way, but he only offers it as an aside. what’s the real deal here? is it the commercialism of spirituality that bothers him? is it the shameful dancing and awful fun? hm.
i seriously want to start a gnostic-hoodoo megachurch.
December 9th, 2005 at 1:06 pm
The problem is that Megachurches promote and empty, consumerist spirituality that leaves no room for self-reflection. Or that’s what they say. We should all go on a field trip to a local megachurch and report back.
December 9th, 2005 at 1:39 pm
I proudly promote false doctrine.
December 9th, 2005 at 1:40 pm
RATFUCK!
Falsedoctrine.com is TAKEN!
December 9th, 2005 at 1:44 pm
Sounds to me like the Walmartization of religion. Stick in a McDonalds and a pharmacy and make it one stop shopping.
December 9th, 2005 at 2:29 pm
Yeah, I mean, I know that’s the classic argument… but maybe we should all just shut up and dance. Maybe that’s the only theology that matters.
December 9th, 2005 at 2:54 pm
I was just laughing about this article in the nytimes. Apparently when Christmas falls on a Sunday, mega-churches don’t hold services… one church send home a vd with a special christmas tale that the family can sit down and watch together.
December 9th, 2005 at 3:03 pm
I think everybody needs to stop trashing megachurches! How do any of us know they aren’t really super fun and a great way to get in contact with God? I think with a few exceptions, most of us are just categorically dismissing them as an impossible or inappropriate way of getting to God, but hey, crazy things happen.
December 9th, 2005 at 3:08 pm
but why not? where’s the harm?
and this is a bad thing because . . . .? they’re encouraging people to stay in with their families on christmas sunday. how is this something that’s laughable?
i guess i’m starting to realize that a lot of the arguments against megachurches are pretty empty, especially since nobody here has ever *been* to one. it’s like, everyone’s saying stuff like ‘they’re too commercial,’ or, ‘they’re too impersonal,’ but what does that really *mean*? *how* are they too commercial, and if they are, why is that a problem? *how* are they too impersonal? are they too big? why can’t someone have a valid spiritual experience in a big crowd of fellow believers? are we requiring people to interact one-on-one with clergy now?
can anyone articulate an anti-megachurch argument that leads somewhere instead of just rehashing tired old anti-fundie cliches? and, more importantly, is there any good reason to do so, when none of us even attend megachurches? why are they such a big deal?
December 9th, 2005 at 3:09 pm
heh, tim & i are on the same wavelength, as usual . . . .
December 9th, 2005 at 3:16 pm
[…] remain? What need do they fulfill? In the comments to an earlier post, Jeremy puts it all on the table: i guess i’m starting to realize that a lot of […]
December 9th, 2005 at 3:43 pm
Hey gang,
Years ago, my wife and I went to Willow Creek, outside of Chicago.
It was definitely quite an experience. If you’ve ever gone to a football or baseball game you have the basic idea. LOTS of traffic cops, cars backed up for miles..
The church itself was run rather well, didn’t seem to be too materialistic, but then we didn’t attend that much.
I called one time to request a second baptism(to be really sure), and they refused on the grounds that the first one was all I needed.
If people get off on the ultra-big worship experience(what a great place to find a girl!), there would be something for everyone there, meetings, support groups, bible studies, you name it.
Another mega-experience -which was in a football stadium (Chicago Bears) , was Promise Keepers, same traffic jam, mobs of people, but did seem to have other agendas, as we all now know.
But nobody has beat Jim&Tammy yet….