Cycles of Personal Growth in Contemporary Spiritual Exploration

My interests in comparative religion, mythology, occult and esoteric philosophy and conspiracy theory have lead me down some strange roads spiritually, to say the very least. Going through the ups and downs on this path of radical inquiry has been a difficult, and sometimes lonely, process. I’ve often felt that nobody else understood just what was happening to me, and that few could even imagine the kind of weird turbulence I was experiencing during these investigations. Over the years of sharing my experiences and research with other people though, I’ve come to realize something important: I am not alone.

Other people wander down these same back roads as me. Other people experience the alternating exhiliration and desparation caused by questing after some semblance of the Truth. We are a diverse bunch, those of us who quest and question. We are gnostics; we are Wiccans, pagans, Christians, atheists, occultists, philosophers, theorists and much much more. While our interests and areas of inquiry only occasionally overlap, the general outline of our own internal processes, our cycles of religious and spiritual growth have a great deal in common. My hope is that by sharing and building on these commonalities, we’ll be able to help and support each other. We’ll be able to provide signposts on the path and pointers about where to go and what to watch out for.

With that in mind, I’d like to present my own fledgling map of personal internal growth. This model was created based on my own experiences - both good and bad - and those of countless people who I’ve interacted with through my website and in my life who walk the same roads as me. The most important thing to keep in mind is that this model is just that - a model. It’s designed to help people out on their own journeys of exploration. Use it if and where it helps you; throw it aside when you’re done with it. If you have any ideas about how this could be improved, please share them.

About the Orbits

An orbit can be considered a state or stage of spiritual development, growth or engagement. I chose the term because it reflects both gravity and movement. When objects orbit one another, a force of attraction is exerted by the larger object on the smaller. But rather than being propelled directly towards the more massive object, the smaller one enters into a slow elliptical dance around it.

In a solar system, planets which orbit around a star at close range have very different characteristics from those who carve out a more distant dance. In the Spiritual Orbits model, we substitute the open-ended idea of god, divinity, Truth, or the Self in place of the star. Whichever of these terms is most meaningful to you, this is the massive object at the very center of our spiritual universe which is pulling us towards it. And yet, very few of us have the strength or understanding to chart a direct course to that center. For most of us, we spend our lives circling it at a certain distance - locked in a particular orbit. We are usually as close as we can stand or as we are ready for. Over time we may move closer (or further away) and take up an entirely new orbit.

The model presented here is intended to describe the characteristics of five major orbits that we make in our spiritual lives, circling round and round the divine center. It’s not meant as a judgement call about which orbit is “better.” Just like planets orbiting a star at different distances, each orbit has its own unique characteristics, challenges and opportunities. I hope you’ll make the most of each of them and chart out your own unique spiritual course. What follows is a basic run-down of the orbits, which I will further develop in subsequent installments.

1. The Coil

The outermost orbit in our system is named “The Coil.” Think of a coiled snake, a coil or rope or an electrical coil. The Coil Orbit typically consitutes a period of latency, something which is “present or potential but not evident or active” - dormant or not fully expressed consciously. It is the sense that something is about to happen, or could develop soon. It is a period of getting ready, and being prepared to strike.

The Coil consists of both an outer and inner orbit and covers a broad range or interior states.

1. Outer Orbit: People in the Outer Coil Orbit typically have a life-long interest in the supernatural, the spiritual, and the unusual. They may be interested in angels, ghosts, psychics, as well as mysteries and puzzles. Usually their interest in these subjects is casual, more of a hobby, or in the background, as opposed to someone who spends all their free time investigating these subjects. This is the level of the person who enjoys watching the occasional documentary about UFO’s or Atlantis.

   This is the orbit with the greatest number of people in it. As we move closer and closer to the center of our model, we find progressively fewer people and more intense experiences. Most people who are in this orbit never leave it. And that’s okay as long as it works for them.

2. Inner Orbit: A small percentage of those people though form the Inner Coil Orbit. These are people who, for whatever reason, become dissatisfied with the life, ideas or experiences available to them. They know intuitively that something else is out there waiting for them, but they don’t know where to start. Somewhere, somehow, they usually feel wronged or mislead. Often this results in frustration, anger and a general rebelliousness (ie, it’s very punk rock). Or they may simply have an overwhelming need to find out the Truth and uncover what is hidden below the surface.

   While this may be a difficult position to be in, it typically signals that this person is building up momentum to break free from the inertia of their orbit and move closer to the center.

2. The Wheel

The Wheel Orbit is the next closest to the center. It has a far smaller percentage of people in it than the Coil Orbit, simply because it is more difficult. It requires greater energy and dedication to both initiate and sustain.

Many people enter the Wheel Orbit as a result of a spiritual or other life crisis which propels them outside of what they know or how they were raised. These events ask difficult questions which the person entering this orbit feels compelled to have answered. They simply can’t rest until they know the Truth. For this reason, the Wheel Orbit is the orbit of activity. The dormant, latent energy of the coil has been triggered, set off, unleashed, ripped open, exploded - often in a violent and difficult fashion. There is no other choice but intense, powerful motion.

1. Outer Orbit: Those caught up in the Outer Wheel Orbit are in for the ride of their lives! They have stepped on the mental gas and everybody around them better get out of their way, or else hitch a ride. People in this orbit can usually be found educating themselves on 101 different topics at once. They are learning huge new sets and systems of knowledge. They are suddenly encountering and putting to use strange new vocabularies, histories and philosophies. They are obsessed with making connections between disciplines, and in doing so are literally re-wiring their own minds to function in new ways.

   Unlike the Outer Coil Orbit, their interests are anything but casual. Their search becomes a relentless driving passion. This is the person who has 25 different windows open in their web browser at any one time. They have stacks of books which they ordered excitedly, but will never find time to read, even though they stay up way past bed-time studying and researching while other people are sleeping, vegging out or partying.

   This is the realm of the wild-eyed conspiracy theorist, the budding occultist or theologian . They know that “the truth is out there” and they believe they’ll find it if they just look hard enough. The great danger of this orbit is that people become intellectual top-heavy. They become so fascinated with theories and connections between ideas, that they may lose sight of people and the subtleties of social interaction. Consequently, people at the height of this orbit will usually have an extremely hard time talking or relating to “normals.” They may feel lonely or superior because people don’t understand what’s happening to them or what they are studying. Friends and family may even think this person is “going crazy” because of all the weird new ideas they are exploring. Some people in this orbit may, for that reason, go to great lengths to hide or disguise what they are doing.

2. Inner Orbit: While the Outer Wheel Orbit is all about theory, the Inner Wheel Orbit is made up of those who have taken the leap into practical application, experience and experiments. This may take the shape of prayer, psychedelics, meditation, magic spells, and other rituals. They are essentially acting out in a stylized manner the ideas they explored in the Outer Wheel Orbit.

   This emphasis on personal experience can give these people an almost scientific bent. They become very systematic in their experimentation. They may begin keeping magic or dream journals, trip logs, or similar detailed accounts of their experiences. The ritual act helps to alleviate some of the intellectual top-heaviness that happens in the Outer Wheel Orbit. Engaging their body, senses and emotions in their spiritual pursuits allows them to more fully integrate the spiritual changes which they are undergoing. They may also become more confident as they start to experience somewhat tangible results. This causes their focus to shift gradually from what’s true to what works.

3. The Wreath

The Wreath symbolizes a measure of victory, success or celebration. People at this orbit are asserting the identity which they have crafted for themselves through a great deal of hard work and struggle in the intensely active Wheel Orbit. There is a tendency here to “rest on your laurels,” as after a hard-fought victory - and perhaps rightfully so, as progressively fewer people ever reach this level.

1. Outer Orbit: People in the Outer Wreath Orbit are focused on their individual identity. They have exerted tremendous effort to explore in both a theoretical and practical sense, and have been changed in the process. They are proud of who they are, and may begin to tentatively try on labels for themselves. They will say, “I am a gnostic” or “I am a pagan,” or “I am an Atheist,” etc.

   Choosing a label requires a certain level of confidence in who they are. Perhaps more importantly though, it often is a declaration of what this person is not. Often they choose a label which negates or reacts against many aspects of the identity they were raised with. Hence many rebellious Christian teens feel drawn to atheism, paganism, satanism or Wicca as these labels help to differentiate them from their past, their family or their environment.

   Choosing a label or philosophy to align yourself with opens up a variety of problems and possibilities. A label allows you to focus and to hone in on a particular tradition. It also may cause you to become more rigid in your beliefs. While many labels are chosen as a reaction against something, you’ll also often find that people in this orbit will become very defensive and argumentative when their hard-won beliefs and labels are challenged by others. This is of course a problem, because at this orbit, people are interested in sharing their ideas and educating others, but don’t yet know how to do so without feeling challenged or getting into shouting matches.

2. Inner Orbit: The best response at this level is to become engaged in an embryonic community to work through these issues. While the Outer Wreath Orbit focuses on individual identity, the Inner Wreath Orbit moves towards collective identity. At this stage, you begin to “find the others,” as Timothy Leary famously suggested. Rather than being a solitary eclectic witch, you may become part of a coven. If you’re a gnostic, you might begin seeking out the company of other gnostics. If you’re conspiracy theorist, you’ll probably be actively posting on message boards or - better yet - you could become something of a polictial activist, attending marches, rallies and so forth. The key thing is that you are exposed to other actual people who are similar but different from you, and who can both challenge and support you.

   Typically in community interaction, there will be a heavy emphasis on definitions, rules and rituals. Members of an embryonic community will go to great lengths to articulate just what being part of their group means or looks like, as well as who is a part of the group and who isn’t. These exchanges can become very heated, with tempers getting the better of people (who then form splinter or offshoot groups). For this reason, the next step usually is to institute rules of interaction within the nascent community. The rules, whether explicit or implicit help establish social norms and tie the diverse individual identities into a harmonious and dynamic community. In turn, forming rituals allow people to integrate theory with actual practice on a collective level which is entirely different and complementary to the individual level.

4. The Halo

The Halo orbit is usually a time of great warmth. The challenges of asserting an individual identity and harmoniously existing alongside others have been met. There may be great satisfaction and happiness found in this orbit, and few people who reach it ever leave. At the same time though, the seeming lack of new challenges can cause a whole host of new difficulties.

1. Outer Orbit: As described above, this orbit is typified with satisfaction. Challenges have been successfully met and latent energy has been activated and integrated into your life. You may be developing a certain wisdom from all your experience, along with the necessary and valuable gift of humility in your social interactions.
2. Inner Orbit: People who reach this orbit though have typically come to identify their spiritual life as a type of struggle, or a journey. They don’t feel content to sit still and bask in the glory of their accomplishments, no matter how big they may be.

   This orbit in many ways mimics a lot of the challenges of the outermost Coil Orbit. They have at this point a fairly well-established identity, but there may be a growing dissatisfaction with it, and an intuitive knowledge of something better. They may get the sense that the spiritual identity which they worked so long to build no longer suits them.

   They may also start to feel alienated from their community - as if even these people who are so similar just can’t understand them. They may become sort of a hermit, withdrawing from the world, from their community, and even turning away from spiritual explorations in some cases.

   Like St. Anthony in the desert, their personal demons may come to torment them during this great testing of their faith. This trial will usually cause the person to develop both a new individual and collective identity. They may move back through all the orbits which them here, except this time, they may decide to stop at a more distant orbit, rather than penetrating into the difficult, confusing and depressing challenges that await them at the innermost threshold of the Inner Halo Orbit. Or they will go back and re-learn and integrate the lessons of earlier orbits, and come back with greater wisdom and humility as they move to the final orbit.

5. The Crown

The Crown Orbit is the innermost orbit, closest to the divine source. In the opening to the gnostic Gospel of Thomas, Jesus says,

“Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will reign over all. [And after they have reigned they will rest.]”

The name of the Crown orbit is in reference where Jesus says that people who have reached this final stage will “reign over all.” We could also correlate other aspects of that saying to other orbits in our system:

1. “Those who seek” refers to those people in the Coil Orbit who are preparing to launch into an active quest for the truth.
2. “Should not stop seeking” refers to the Wheel Orbit and it’s extreme restless motion.
3. “Until they find” refers to those in the Wreath Orbit who are asserting the truths they have found about the world and their own identity.
4. Jesus’ saying that this step leads in turn to being “disturbed” echoes our description of the Halo Orbit, which begins happily, but ends in an extreme test of faith or purification by fire.
5. “They will marvel, and will reign over all” then refers to the magnificent state of the Crown Orbit.

At this stage, you have fully integrated all the lessons of the other more distant orbits. You have come back from temptation and torment in the desert and brought back essential teachings. You have undergone the Hero’s Journey and returned with magical boons from the underworld.

You are balanced between theory and practice, individual and collective. You live your life according to intuition, guidance of the heart, direct experience, personal knowledge, and have a profound ability to communicate effectively and compassionately with others. You are able to move beyond beliefs, ideas, names, concepts, and meanings to the true inner nature of things as they are. And you find it all to be marvelous. You experience the fullness, the Pleroma. The world is what it is and nothing is missing.

You have no need left for maps or models to point the way, because you are the Way. You yourself become the model. As Jesus says in the Gospel of John (14:6): “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Breakdowns and Breakthroughs

Often in life, our spiritual orbits become more like ruts. We find ourselves stuck in the same patterns day in and day out and can’t seem to muster the energy to make a change. Sometimes, the gravity pulling on us from the divine center is so strong that it breaks us free of our routines and pre-conceived notions about life and reality.

Usually, these moments of “breaking free” feel much more like a break-down. Everything suddenly seems screwed up. Things don’t make sense any more or don’t feel right. We become almost totally lost. It’s almost like a little vortex has shot out from the center and has sucked us into some kind of spiritual warp zone. These are the birthpangs though of break-throughs. We have been jolted out of our orbit and are being pulled into a new spiral dance towards our divine center. These times are always very difficult, but they will pass. The more personal spiritual work you can accomplish as described in the five major orbits above, the better chance you’ll have of making it through to the other side, wiser and stronger.

Finding Your Center

At this point, you may be wondering, “Which orbit am I in?” Chances are, you have characteristics common to several of them. Remember, these are just categories to help draw an outline of the territory and the challenges you’ll face traversing it. They are by no means hard and fast exclusive divisions. We are fluid and flexible beings, in constant motion. Some aspect of our lives may be closer to the divine center and some may be much further out. It’s up to you to decide what you’re ready to do with all of it. May you find some of this helpful in your own spiritual quests!

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