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Why Magick Is Crap
I am not a magickian - nor even a magician (without the “k”). I’ve come to terms with that. Sure, I’ve dabbled a few times with some candles, Psalms and fervent supplication. But I’ve resigned myself to the fact that my Dungeons & Dragons character class lies in a different direction than all that spells and rituals stuff - at least for now.
See, there are certain things I just can’t get past about magick - namely the glorification of willpower and the harnessing of intention. Cause goddammit, I seriously have some good fucking intentions which come to nothing over and over again. There are patterns and problems in my personal life that I’m having no luck at all working through. It doesn’t matter for our purposes here what they are. They are interchangeable with anybody’s shit at the end of the day, but with different names and faces and terms to describe them.
And I just don’t buy that all (or most of) these people running around calling themselves magickians are any different or that their magick is any better than my raw struggling through dark parts of life. If they were somehow better off or had more effective techniques, then they wouldn’t all be so boring and petty and pedantic. Who knows though - maybe they really are able to make money manifest by masturbating over sigils. Maybe they are smiting their enemies and laying their foxy co-workers. But are they having greater success at the Big Things? Can they change themselves overnight to be rid of their faults? Can they stem the tides of nature and death?
If they can, I haven’t seen it. Of course that doesn’t mean much, cause what I don’t know could move mountains and fuel ten thousand suns for all eternity. I’m aware lately only of my own smallness and my own ineffectiveness. And I don’t say that in the hopes of generating either sympathy or advice (if you have either, please keep them). It’s just where I’m at right now.
So if I’m not a magickian (or at least not a good one) then what am I? What other character classes does the extended role-playing game of contemporary spiritual exploration offer me? I’ve always liked Antero Alli’s distinction between magick and mysticism. Without rehashing the magick part, he says:
The mystical path is primarily devotional, a path of the heart. Mystical tendencies encourage one to yield, acquiesce and eventually surrender around forces one experiences as greater and more intelligent than ones person. The mystic is carried by a genuine lack of concern for the outcome of destiny, producing a wisdom for letting things happen and flowing with the forces that be. Mysticism is any sensibility encouraging direct openess to and merging with the unknown universe on its innate terms, through reverence of mystery.
I wish I could say I was good at that - that I was a “true” mystic. But as much as my constitution might point towards it, I’ve come to realize that I pretty much suck at that too. I stop myself. I fall short. I get scared. I break down. Or even worse, I get so detached I just float away and disappear instead of opening my heart till the inside turns out. I don’t know how to change or how to accept not changing, or how to forget about all this and just go home. Hell, I don’t even know where home is.
In all the religious and spiritual literature out there, they never do quite an adequate job of describing the suffering and the turmoil of any of this shit. Maybe they’re all liars playing a joke on us - holding out promises of spiritual rewards to draw us into confusion. Or maybe there’s just no describing it, no way to really portray those things you go through utterly alone without guides or markers.
Sorry - I hope this wasn’t too self-indulgent. I’m struggling to find the right balance between the personal and the universal, both in my life and in my writing.
February 22nd, 2006 at 8:09 pm
Oh, so what you’re telling us is that you’re human!?! Shit… I’m shocked!!
Seriously… Don’t beat up on yourself too much. First of all, the really difficult personal problems take years (decades) to resolve. I say this from personal experience. (Of course, new ones crop up in their place.) Second, you’ve just moved to an entirely new place. It takes a full year to adjust. When I first moved to New England, I was so anxious and depressed sometimes that I had trouble breathing.
Finally, remember that even Jesus struggled with His humanity. Remember the agony in the garden? If you’re inclined in a Christian direction, try reading The Last Temptation of Christ.
February 22nd, 2006 at 8:54 pm
if you were a cat we`d just butter your paws and by the time you had licked them clean, you`d be home. but cats are fickle little vermin who`s forehead ends just above thier eyebrows. you, on the other hand, have a huge brain that needs time to make the new neural pathways based on your new surroundings…………maybe a year, i can`t say. i know it takes time. dracula used to travel with a box of dirt so that he didn`t have to make the transition. p. diddy has his peeps…..or something like that…….hopefully you have some reminders of the other place to ground you. and a bag of ice for the forehead.
(this commentary should in no way be considered advice, recommendation or prescription. all words, letter arrangement and syntax is the property of the universe. hail eris.)
February 22nd, 2006 at 8:58 pm
a joke.
a man takes his two year old rottwieler to the vet.
the vet picks the dog up and looks him over and says;
“i gotta put the dog down”
the owner goes; “why, is he sick?”
the vet says” no, he`s fucking heavy”
February 22nd, 2006 at 9:39 pm
I think I had a similar diary entry once called “If desire is the root of manifestation why haven’t different socioeconomic systems arisen from the cries or the poor, or more to the point, why haven’t I been laid in 3 years.”
February 22nd, 2006 at 9:52 pm
Crisis usually inflates the closer we get to our goals. And the universe pushes when you pull.
And “magick” is one part learning to hone intent, one part learning what can be changed, one part learning what can’t, one part learning just how fluid everything is, and six parts flipping your shit. That skullcase of yours, it’s connected in ways that can drive you to paranoia or ecstacy but not much middle-ground.
I have used servitors to change the world for the better. And yes, this stuff does get you laid, but do you really what Jane Doe hanging around afterwards? think carefully.
Of course, I burnt my adolescence realizing that a bad mood is a fucking bad mood. Take some dexedrine, walk into the kitchen & make something to eat, and break set. I’ve lived in six places in as many years. Yes, it can suck to move. Friends flake out on you, women try to manipulate you, coworkers one-up you, and you’re on the other side of the continent and you don’t even know where to do your laundry and don’t know where your next dollar’s going to come from.
And yes, you can change yourself overnight. If we give each school of psychology an equal share of the psyche, and assume that the congitive side has 30%, that means fuck your neurosis and fuck your learned behaviors, you can alter the way you think and feel through thinking alone–you could brighten a suicidal depression into “almost okay” or turn a great mood into a peak experience.
There’s a few dirtsimple NLP techniques. Here’s one, I’ve seen physical evidence it’s effective, it used to be called “assuming the god-form” but now we’ll call it “Visualizing Happiness”:
In front of you, imagine a lifesize image of someone you like. Build up everything about them that you like, all their positive traits, all the things they feel that let them have such a powerful image to you. See them, hear their voice, think about how they feel. Build the image more, concentrate on all those sensations and all those things they do. Now, step into that space where you imagined them. Turn so that you face the direction they faced, adopt a pose they adopt, say something they say, and allow all their sensations, and those feelings, to become you. Think their thoughts, think how they have all those positive feelings.
Got it? Magick. No wand, no ridiculous costumes. Sudden change.
February 22nd, 2006 at 10:07 pm
As a case-study in magic, I’ll share a recent experience that has not completely been resolved.
I’ve had two job interviews recently: one for a “sexy” job, one for a more modest job. From what I gather, the payscale will not be radically different between the two or from what I bring in right now. The issue is mainly experience and my professional image.
I did some magic to bring the sexy job closer to reality, mostly because I felt that I needed to put some energy into the cosmos over the issue, to do the interview as “fully” as possible.
From the gossip, it looks like I probably will not get the sexy job, but the unsexy job seems now quite probable. It turns out, after both interviews, my gut is that the unsexy job is a better fit and more likely to fulfill some of my longer term goals, both professional and spiritual.
So, my magic failed… Or did it? I was careful to include some flexibility, and it turns out that my intuition — a need for flexibility — was right on. And somehow, my “true path” (at least for this stage in my profession) has emerged in the process.
I’m still waiting to hear from the unsexy job. But word on the street is that it’s mine, and I’m getting more excited about it.
February 22nd, 2006 at 10:13 pm
if anything, i think it is promising that you are not able to “classify” yourself. for, the indvidual who can easily do so is potentially selling themselves short. they may be finding some classification that they “think” they are or that they may “want” to be and thus end the quest, thinking they’ve found it. but if you refuse to let yoruself fall into any of these classifications, you’ve avoided the potential pitfalls so far. so keep on going. don’t settle for anything less than what you deep-down deserve… and on some level you *know* what that is (whether or not you’re aware).
February 22nd, 2006 at 11:57 pm
That’s an awesome movie - it really had an impact on me. I was actually thinking just this morning how I should seek out the book.
That’s awesome. I’ve never looked at that in such a simple human way before.
February 23rd, 2006 at 3:26 am
It seems like all of the “magickians” over at the Occult Forums can’t muster up enough Magick Points to kee their forum from getting hacked every few months…
February 23rd, 2006 at 4:17 am
Boring and pedantic? ouch.
February 23rd, 2006 at 5:37 am
A blog is a huge thing to carry across a continent in search of “something else” with oneself Tim. I couldn’t imagine having a site with your accretion of readers and contributors and being able to stay focused on both in a way that would maintain a semblance of sanity as well as staying true to “form”. Coming to Seattle was not a mistake. In fact, it’s probably better that you did it as improvisationally as you did. I admire your sense of adventure.
Magick isn’t any more crap than the existence of the figure of “Hexxen” — which is crap (because you are not “hacking” a “forum” when you are able to sneak in and post a stupid blog comment — you’re just being a person, like anyone else, in need of urgent attention). You’re listing too far to one side and could take on water. Hence the existence of the trolls that dog you and us here on “the Occult Forums”. You’re dragging something along with you, deep below your undertow. It goes undetected only because it manifests itself smack dab, right in your face. The answer is too obvious for it to be immediately recognized.
Something that is dogging you is begging to be vanquished. But to vanquish it requires you take a step somewhere. I do not know in what direction that step may be.
One could even say that this temporary designation of “Hexxen” is something of a doppelganger — the reverse, polar energy you put into what you do. “Hexxen” of course does not realize this because he does not know how to ask for help. While you, on the other hand (Tim) have been fully asking for it for some time.
It truly is enlightening all the work Hexxen does here via “it’s” various cryptonymns. Who knew that you would need a negative doppelganger to make a site and life spent “investigating” the “occult” all the more worthwhile? I guarantee it hasn’t occured to Hexxen yet. Until now. . .
But it has occured to you Tim. And you shed light.
Again, it was a huge thing to “drag across the country” so to speak. And if it weren’t for Hexxen’s cogent comment, nor would I be commenting on this here. Which only underscores the magick of keeping cool dudes like Hexxen around.
You need someone to remind you of the bullshit that has siphoned the energy of life from our culture every once and awhile.
February 23rd, 2006 at 7:55 am
With respect Tim, and I don’t know your situation, but anything worth doing involves pain. The journey has to be hard, otherwise it isn’t worth anything, whatever method you use to get there.
The tricks are just that, tricks. There are genuine techniques that help, many that have been mentioned here, they may include mysticism, magick, philosophy, whatever.
In the larger sense, to really get anywhere, the “Big Things”, involves self doubt, persistence and a lot of pain.
You do good work. Pick up that chin, Sisyphus.
February 23rd, 2006 at 9:00 am
I find the sigil-servitor-ergregore-godform plan pretty parsimonious and useful for thinking about things like corporations, money, and all the other non-magic magic that we’re soaked in… certainly it’s fun to bs about.
But personally, I cannot see what real benefit I would get from employing those kinds of techniques. I could get things, but I don’t want things. I want to act in accordance with that in myself which wordlessly provides the measuring stick I use for everything else. Is my True Will true or not? If it is, I must surrender unconditionally to it. If I feel I have any choice in the matter, that is not my True Will, it is the nafs. (This argument is only applicable to me, it is not intended as a judgement of practicing magicians.)
What ever rite I may attempt, it is that within me which is the real root and source of whatever benefits I may accrue. If a sacred symbol seems to me beautiful, it is because it stirs that one thing within which loves beauty, because it is Beauty.
Job, Ecclesiastes, Kafka, all the existentialists! The void is always at hand, the certain knowledge that we cannot, in the long run, do anything of consequence, or even think one sure thought. There is nothing to do but acclimate ourselves to the fact, to the fact that the Absolute that swallows all relative existence is Death, but the fear of death is taught, not inborn.
In the Void is indeed the firm foundation! That which we cannot approach with our usual reasoning faculties is the ground those faculties are rooted in.
In the AI context, Douglas Hofstadter noted that any simulated system cannot access the lower level that simulates it. If it gains the ability to do so, by some upgrade, there is still the lower physical level. We can see this in ourselves by thinking about thinking about thinking…
What is it that observes this process, but is never directly apprehended by our thoughts? It is the Absolute that swallows all lesser entities. It is also Faith itself, true Faith, not the faith of blind acceptance, but the faculty which finds certain thoughts formable and acceptable, and other ones not. If there was not something in you that agreed with something in any given external rite, the rite would have never appealed to you in the first place. What is within you is therefore prior to any external dogma or rite, it is the foundation of faith.
There is a unique Pole, a single point of reference, the North Star which you may navigate by. We can only talk about it so indirectly, because it is TOO CLOSE FOR WORDS! (”Allah is closer to you than your jugular vein.”)
If you are leaving your old bearings behind, Tim, you cannot help but be headed in the right direction. There is only one universal referent, all roads lead to Rome, your Friend will arrive there ahead of you in anticipation!
February 23rd, 2006 at 9:17 am
Albert Ellis–Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy. That’s stuff you can do on your own–take the sword of reason and logic and cut away the irrational thoughts that are causing you pain. That’s one way. Or NLP. And there’s nothing wrong with taking a break from shit to regroup. None of this is advice, by the way. And if it is, what are ya gonna do about it?
Seriously, though, when you make a big move it brings up all the shit you’re attached to from the place and the person you were before. It’s a good time to let go, but it’s typically a challenge. And remember, in the great journey, the heroes have to suffer–otherwise there would be no story and nothing learned. And we’re all heroes in our own journeys.
You may also just be overextended and it’s okay to do a little less till you get your bearings back.
Skidoo.
February 23rd, 2006 at 12:33 pm
JK, I think “hexxen” is referring to the occult forums by that name, which has been dogged by a teenage hacker for a few years now. She seems to be operating from the same sort of ignorance whereby people assume magick is some sort of metaphysical wish-granting service
Attempting magick where proper security would be more effective is something like casting a spell to tie one’s shoes because one is too lazy to bend over- not that OF’s users bear any responsibility to ‘protect’ the site.
February 23rd, 2006 at 1:04 pm
A generalization for effect, of course!
February 23rd, 2006 at 2:31 pm
Hey Tim, I can empathize. I moved cross-continent, cept I did it with a woman, who now has left me when things were very good for her. I”ve been in Oregon for two years and still haven’t adjusted, nothing has gone right and the fates have taken pretty much everything from me, taken my saftey nets and my comfort zones and are making me very scared, and i’m seriously considering moving back east. The Northwest is a strange, beautiful place, but it can be difficult for ‘outsiders’ to make it here. Many people who have moved to the NW say the same thing, as I’m sure many would disagree, depending on circumstances.
At the same time I figure that what I”m going through is something I need, and have always wanted. I don’t feel I’ve hit bottom, but I”m definatly closer to it than I have been before. If I leave, and run away, will I be a better person? Will I be a better person in the end if I stick it out? I don’t know. I wish somone woudl jus tprovide us with answers, but then that wouldn’t be much of a game, would it?
anyway, Tim, hang in there. If I can make it two years here, then bloody right you can.
February 23rd, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Actually, I’m not stressed out about the move at all. I’ve come to peace with being here for right now. That aspect of my life is going very well.
February 23rd, 2006 at 6:00 pm
mysticism= experiencing the world; magick=what comes of that experience?
who could do without one of them?
i think its a shock to go from the ‘what comes of it’ phase back to the ‘experiential’ phase. seems counter-intuitive, like taking a step back.
February 23rd, 2006 at 7:03 pm
I have some questions: 1) Isn’t mysticism about transcending selfhood and selfishness? 2) Isn’t magic(k) about getting what you want? 3) Wouldn’t that make magick and mysticism opposed to each other? 4) Is magick fundamentally selfish and therefore harmful to the mystical path?
February 23rd, 2006 at 7:08 pm
Good questions…
February 23rd, 2006 at 7:50 pm
I think these are simplistic dichotomizations. Who doesn’t try to get what they want, at least sometimes? Survival in the physical world requires it. On the other hand, there is something to be said for understanding the need to participate in a large collective whole, and ensuring its survival. There is an interplay.
In its crassest forms, yes, I guess magick is all about getting what I want for me me me. But I don’t think all, or even most, magick is about that. For me, it is a way of infusing my surroundings with energy that enables me to be as “best” as I possibly can be. And by “best”, I don’t mean glamorous and victorious. Often it can mean attentive, focused, helpful, sensitive to my environment and attuned to my larger path (or God’s will, if that is a better word for you).
There are all kinds of selfish people walking around in the world, many of whom don’t use any kind of conscious magick, yet are manipulative as all hell.
February 23rd, 2006 at 9:23 pm
I get what you’re saying slomo, but part of me is starting to think that simplistic dichotomies are at least as *true* and *useful* than anything else. Sometimes they’re even better because they cut right to the core of an issue and set up a dynamic around which to think and discuss.
February 24th, 2006 at 12:37 am
@ JK and Haeresis:
All I’m saying is you’d think someone would do something about it. Maybe most “magicians” aren’t the type who would try to use their “powers” to take down the hacker, but you’d think at least a few of the LHPers there would get together and throw some curses at him or something.
If I come off as being ignorant or condescending, that’s not my intention. I’ve studied the occult for 13 years now, and have an avid interest in many different areas of it. However, I’m also a healthy skeptic, and I call bullshit where I see it.
Most people running around in robes casting “spells” and the like are simply deluded (self-deluded, mostly). They have no “magick powers.” I’m not saying it’s all bunk, or that it’s not possible. I’m just saying most people talk and play let’s-pretend than you’d like to think.
February 24th, 2006 at 2:57 am
LHPers there would get together and throw some curses at him or something.
February 24th, 2006 at 4:50 am
Sorry- my response was cute off. What I said was: How do you know they didn’t? For all weklnow, hacker boy has a case of herpes, or got evicted from Mom’s basement- who’s to know?
February 24th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
@ Haeresis:
Haha, that’s very true! Who knows…
February 25th, 2006 at 4:28 am
I can relate to moving around a lot. However, I usually do so as a means of re-inventing myself. For example, I moved from Mill Valley, California to Seattle in ‘96 in order to shed my self-image as flakey new ager and reinvent myself as a self-indulgent wannabe web designer. I then moved away from unemployed Loserville in Seattle to Salt Lake City, Utah in ‘98 to re-invent myself as a successful corporate trainer at Gateway Computers. I then gave up the house in the ‘burbs and 50K+/yr job in 2003 to move to Beijing, China to re-invent myself as an international business tycoon. Now that I’ve tasted a degree of success here, I’m casting my eye on Australia and maybe getting a PhD in renewable energy and setting up a research institute in Hawaii and then traveling back to China to provide off-grid power to remote villages.
I know a lot of people have a hard time with moving around but I love it. In my case, this re-invention process really works. I also happen to have married someone just like me, only more so - she has initiated most of our moves.
I have used magick, visualization, manifestation, reality-manipulation or whatever you want to call it to advance myself through each of these stages with overall success. The only thing that really differs is what I believe myself capable of.
Recently, I’ve finally given up the need to be convinced that magic works. I’ve had plenty of flops along with a few absolute earth-shatterers. The difference is invariably the degree to which I was committed to the outcome and also committed to the “belief” that my efforts would indeed produce the desired results and therefor allow myself to consider that aspect “solved” but on a temporal pathway that would intersect with my current path at a given point in the “future.”
It’s hard to refute success. The greatest difficulty I have always faced is figuring out what the hell I want. Every time I’ve nailed that, and they’ve been few and far between, I’ve had great results. I suppose that’s a nod in the direction honing in on the “true will.”
Anyway, that’s just my own experience. I certainly wouldn’t wish the painful learning experiences I’ve gone through to get to this stage on anyone, though I’m sure most people could right back at me with plenty of their own. I feel the reason these exercizes have worked for me is that they have enabled me achieve focus and that spills over into every aspect of my life.
February 26th, 2006 at 2:50 pm
>> In all the religious and spiritual literature out there, they
>> never do quite an adequate job of describing the suffering
>> and the turmoil of any of this shit.
Dude, Jesus died on the fucking cross! He served as the example for all of us. We must all die and be reborn. Did you ever think that was going to be easy?
And you know what he did at the last supper before the Romans took him away? He sang and danced with his disciples! He embraced his suffering and his fate, knowing full well that all of this suffering is necessary; that it serves a higher purpose; that there is more to consciousness than the body.
February 26th, 2006 at 5:07 pm
Of course not. What I mean is that it’s impossible to imagine or fathom or remember the intensity of pain until you experience it. It’s easy to say that Jesus died on the Cross and pretend that means we understand his suffering. But it’s just a sign pointing to suffering which is so much more vast and important than our concepts can describe.