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Snapple Divination
This morning I picked up a “Very Cherry” Snapple ice tea on my way to work. Snapple has had this thing for the past few years where you open the cap and look under it and there’s some kind of obscure fact. I’ve often found these facts to have peculiar, almost oracular significance.
The one I got this morning said something about how Teddy Roosevelt was the only president who was blind in one eye. Apparently his left retina was detached during one of his twice weekly boxing sessions, after which he took up jujitsu as a replacement.
In any event, my natural tendency of jumping to weird mystical conclusions lead to me to wonder if I myself somehow metaphorically have become blind in one eye. Maybe I have, or maybe it’s just a Snapple bottle and it’s meaningless. But if I write that off as meaningless, where do I draw the line? When does something cross over the threshold of meaninglessness into meaning?
Then there’s the alternative that becoming blind in one eye may not be all bad. For example, in Norse mythology, Odin sacrificed his eye for a drink from Mimir’s Well of Wisdom:
“Then,” said Odin, “if thou wouldst keep thy head, answer me this: what price will Mimir ask for a draught from the Well of Wisdom that he guards?”
“He will ask thy right eye as a price, O Odin,” said Vafthrudner.
“Will he ask no less a price than that?” said Odin.
“He will ask no less a price. Many have come to him for a draught from the Well of Wisdom, but no one yet has given the price Mimir asks. I have answered thy question, O Odin. Now give up thy claim to my head and let me go on my way.”
“I give up my claim to thy head,” said Odin. Then Vafthrudner, the wisest of the Giants, went on his way, riding on his great stag.
It was a terrible price that Mimir would ask for a draught from the Well of Wisdom, and very troubled was Odin All-Father when it was revealed to him. His right eye! For all time to be without the sight of his right eye! Almost he would have turned back to Asgard, giving up his quest for wisdom.
Odin, however, eventually decides to pay the price. In return, he’s granted a vision of future, of all the pain and sorrow to come in the world, but also a vision of how the gods and men will be able to bear it and keep going forward. May the beneficence of Snapple grant me that same strength!
March 27th, 2006 at 2:31 pm
Right after I wrote this, two crows landed outside my window:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hugin_and_Munin
March 27th, 2006 at 2:41 pm
funny, odin was granted this information in the form of the norse runes, which are now used the world over as divinatory tools! you’ve created a vicious circle.
http://altreligion.about.com/library/weekly/aa082702a.htm
do you remember the whole urban legend about osama bin laden owning snapple?
http://www.snopes.com/rumors/snapple.htm
March 27th, 2006 at 3:05 pm
whoa shit, i never heard that about OBL owning snapple. thats awesome!
this is the second time ive inadvertently found references to odin by way of events which happened to me in the morning on the way to work.
http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/03/09/things-arent-what-they-seem/
there is also a crow in a cage next door to my sublet. and this weekend, these two other crows came to visit and hang out with it. i saw them all weekend sitting their talking to their caged counterpart. maybe they were comforting him or bringing him news.
vicious circles are the best kind.
March 27th, 2006 at 3:29 pm
oh wow, that’s really cool. I’ve always enjoyed Snapple facts, or whatever they’re called.
They always seem to surprise me with something I didn’t expect to learn, thinking for some reason that anything they’re going to say is going to be something I’ve already heard before, but it rarely is…
It’d be funny to open a lid and read “Watch out for that tree.” Cuz I bet I’d watch out for every tree in the next half hour, for the sake of curiosity.
March 27th, 2006 at 4:04 pm
i’ve always wanted to do something slightly related: you know those plastic easter eggs that you can get from gumball machines? like these ones? i’ve always wanted to buy like 500 of them and leave cryptic gnostic messages or odd little totems in them, and then just leave them around occasionally for random people to find. you know no matter who you are, if you find one of those, you’ll open it. leave ‘em on buses, on sidewalks, in grocery stores, etc.
i think it’d make some peoples’ lives just a little more awesome. sometimes i’ll drop money on the floors of bars or clubs for the same reason.
March 27th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
i think rob breszny did this art piece once where he stood on the side of the road like a reverse beggar and handed out free dollar bills to people who passed by in their cars.
i love the plastic egg idea.
also, i forget their names, but there are these two people who travel around the country and put up a little sign that says something about how people can come talk to them. they dont accept money or anything. they just talk. they’re online somewhere…
March 27th, 2006 at 7:21 pm
Two things come to mind: You know how the guy said in the country of the blind the one-eyed man is king?
But really, if I was going to accept that as a Sign, I’d consider that it was telling me “boxing can be hazardous to your health”. Or, “if you overcome an opponent by punching his lights out but are damaged yourself in the process, who really won?” Something like that.
March 27th, 2006 at 7:38 pm
Hm, those are all very useful interpretations, actually. Thanks!
March 27th, 2006 at 10:15 pm
1. How bout them Nantucket Nectar lids. I used to drink those at my last job. The crap they’d put on their lids would make me *angry* sometimes.
2. Tiresias
3. Morgan Freeman’s character had a detatched retina from boxing in Million Dollar Baby.
4. Viscious circle or maybe a spiral:
http://altreligion.about.com/library/glossary/symbols/bldefswedjat.htm
5. I like that little crown.
March 27th, 2006 at 10:55 pm
Since Zeno Izen mentioned Tiresias, I’ll mention a character that is of great interest to me. A herald, not a prophet — though I don’t think the distinction is very clear when it comes to Harry.
Blind Harry (Henry the Minstrel)
In the past few years, I’ve had the following things go wrong with my right eye:
- A parasitic infection that almost killed me, but managed to spare me with only a detached vitreous.
- A rusty steel splinter embedded in my cornea that had to be cut out with a knife.
I should wear goggles and a helmet at all times.