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Remember Me On This Computer
I realized recently that I’ve been on the internet for a solid ten years now. Since that time, my life and my livelihood have become inextricably intertwined with these weird gray boxes that lurk beside, on top and underneath cheap pressed plywood desk after desk. And I honestly can’t fathom who I would have been or become without them all these years, without having had this strange mental playground to play in and develop my skills and my very Self.
So it only makes sense then that the symbolism in my life would play out so neatly through these vessels. On Monday, after being summarily shuffled into a new office, I discovered that my computer at work was capable of taking two monitors. Dare I? The thought tantalized me, but it seemed like adding another head to the wiry hydra would be to cross some kind of ultimate nerdly barrier. But I had just bought a 300 gig removable hard drive for personal use over the weekend. So those types of mental borders had long since resolved.
I went downstairs and co-opted and scavenged another monitor from the lifeless workstation of a co-worker - and good friend - who had moved on to better employ. I ultimately wanted to do the same, but would settle for numbing myself temporarily with an (unnecessary) infusion of new technology.
I crept upstairs and sut the door quietly, guilty for the frivolousness which I was about to commit. Within a couple minutes, I suddenly found myself staring it - no, being stared at by two screens. I immediately dedicated one as a web browser and email viewer (FireFox and Thunderbird, respectively), and kept the older larger screen set up as my main web development and graphics workspace.
I thought it was gonna be great, some kind of computer power-user wonderland, but it was just overwhelming. Suddenly having to account for all this extra space made me feel like my head was splitting in two. A line drawn right down the middle of my psyche. Another nail in the coffin of my digital entombment.
Or maybe I’m just being dramatic and reading into things retrospectively. But the next day I came in and change all my passwords for this site (and the burgeoning network I’m building around it), made them all more secure. I don’t remember the last time I changed my passwords like that. Maybe never. A symbolic fresh start. A re-concentration of personal power using the magic of new alpha-numeric keys.
Thirty minutes later, I quit my job. I hadn’t intended to when I woke up that day. It just sort of unfolded around a particular course of events during the day. And it hilariously happened while I had the Led Zeppelin song “Achilles’ Last Stand” (from the awesome album “Presence”) paused on Winamp in the background. Technology constellates around me, buzzes with the electrical vibrations of my life. The signs and symbols of who I am shine back at me from the myriad monitors and speakers surrounding me. I can’t imagine who I’d be without access to networked consciousness and technical exactness. Life even pulses in the heart of the microprocessor, and I recognize and respect that. But I’d like to spend some time among green things and growing things, among things I can feel with my hands instead of just my mind. Something to bring balance and solid reality into a world of weird concepts and swirling symbols. I love that stuff and always will (and plan to keep writing and growing my own websites!), but welcome these new beginnings I find myself in.
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May 24th, 2006 at 12:52 pm
after 10 years on the internet i started to go a bit kookoo myself
something about this medium can really exacerbate the ol’ mind/body split if yer not careful
you need balance, something tactile, when you do this a lot
some kind of physical artifact
plants to water & prune
paintings to paint
cats to feed
garages to sweep
good on ya!
May 24th, 2006 at 2:21 pm
congrats on quitting your job!
i quit my tech job almost exactly a year ago and have become much healthier ever since. sitting behind a desk for 10+ hours almost daily is not healthy for anyone; having to work-out in a gym instead of walking and doing other natural physical activities is too much to ask for. living cheaply and taking advantage of cheap/free healthy food in seattle is key (fnb, trader joe’s, etc.). not having a television/cable bill is so freeing. spending the time otherwise sitting in front of the tube reading, walking to a park, writing, making music/art, actually using your mind like it should be. i feel inwardly more wealthy while having no aspiration to make a certain income like the rest of the rat race. not having kids helps too.
May 24th, 2006 at 2:38 pm
With the health, or with the ability to live cheaply???
Kidding…I understand.
It’s true (speaking as one “in the rat race” who does have kids)
May 24th, 2006 at 2:43 pm
Actually it really sucks that I can refer to myself as in the rat race. I really understand where you are coming from and have a vision of being able to do that somehow as well…in the meantime, I think my cheese is waiting for me.
May 24th, 2006 at 2:55 pm
i wouldn`t be the same without achilles last stand! let it be the anthem for the day……………….we are all gods.
May 24th, 2006 at 3:09 pm
I walked away from the ratrace in 1986 when it became apparent to me that the art degree I was pursuing and a dollar would MAYBE buy me a cup of coffee, and if I really wanted to sellout and get a piece of the action as a successful american zombie (these were the reagan years)I would need an MBA (gaak!)or perhaps even a law degree. The last twenty years have not been an easy road but my soul belongs to noone but meself and I have always had time to read, think and smell the flowers. Good luck on leaving the 9-5, and you are right: Presence is a damn fine (and underrated) Led Zep album. Rock on, dude
Juno
May 24th, 2006 at 3:17 pm
Haha. Well I don’t know that I’m leaving the rat race, per se. But at least this particular portion of the maze. I would like another job on one level. After all, I’ve only been working like four months really, and I dropped out of the game for over a year before that. I’m not ready to drop out altogether just yet. I have a few more tricks up my sleeve before I do that. I am just needing a big change of direction.
May 24th, 2006 at 3:55 pm
Hey - congrats on your emancipation. I did that 2 years ago and never looked back. Not once. I know one day I’ll get another day job, but for now, I still feel great.
Anyway, I think your quitting fits in well with your recent vessel dream. The water, the vessels, work, the tension of fluidity and rigidity. Well, that’s my interpretation at least. Very cool results!
May 24th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
Congratulations on sticking it to the soul-sucking 9 to 5 monotony beast.
Golly, I wish I could quit my job, but I have my (Franz Kafka doll’s) mouth to feed and other mouths that lead to strange stomachs too. My advice to people is never buy cute puppies- they grow up and drain your money with toys and treats.
I was dreaming, if I quit my job and moved out of my mothers womb I think it would be awesome being a vampire living in California like in the movie Lost Boys. What a great movie.
Anyways, good look enjoying the poetic beauty of the seasons.
May 24th, 2006 at 9:50 pm
hi my name is alistair and i am a zep addict……it started innocently enough on a rainy night in 1972……..i was on my patio listening to the outdoor speakers and the radio station, chom fm in montreal, was playing a whole album side of zeppelin II and i was forever transformed as a person. the girl i was with was hoping for the kiss that never came because i was so caught up in the music. she ended up leaving. today i listened to achilles last stand……i hadn`t done much zep in months and i thought maybe i`d beaten the habit. then i keyed no quarter on the remote………..and then straight for the heavy of heavys, in my time of dying. i realise now that i`m powerless to jimmy page`s guitar.
i am already planning to listen to the entire how the west was won tomorrow.
at least i`ll have a smile on my face……….*/*
May 24th, 2006 at 9:54 pm
job? who cares…….that`s someone else`s idea of how to sort reality. abundance is all around us. i think what you are after really is money. that`s available in a variety of ways. a job is only one way of acquiring it.
May 25th, 2006 at 6:17 am
Well said, Alistair. We’ve lived on our 10 acre small holding for over 20 yrs. Good jobs (whatever that means) are scarce here. I’ve had to use every ounce of creativity to create opportunities to make money. Being self employed is a rush, sometimes lucrative, sometimes not. We’ve learned to make do and not be such wasters of resources. My teenage son is well adjusted and happy and bemoans the fact that we have no broadband. We are awash in teenager guitar players and precocious truthseekers every weekend. Is this success?
Well, we dont drive brand new motorcars, or have flat panel TVs, but the God’s live with us and among us here. They make each day a re-creation of Eden and we shape it as we see fit.
May 25th, 2006 at 11:28 am
[…] The comments to this post of Tim’s on how he quit his job are really positive and uplifting. Lots of people finding ways to thrive outside the confines of a 9-to-5 job. And agreeing that Led Zeppelin rocks. […]
May 25th, 2006 at 9:04 pm
gina, is that success? if you say it is then it is. if you feel love on a regular basis then your success is absolute.
May 25th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
and led zeppelin rocks…….. */*