This is a really hilarious comment left on a MySpace profile (username “le fee fee lacroix“) by somebody named Padre Engo. Pardon the ALL CAPS:

LET ME BRIEFLY EXPLAIN WHAT I OFFER IN THE DEPARTMENT OF MAGICAL REVENGE AND VIOLENT PSYCHIC MURDER ON ALL LEVELS, MIND, BODY AND SOUL. IN A NUTSHELL, I AM THE BEST IN THE BUSSINESS. I WAS TRAINED FROM AN EARLY AGE BY REAL VODOU KILLERS AND AFRO-CARIBBEAN CRIMINALS, AND KNOW ALL THE HERMETIC SECRETS OF HAITIAN, JAMAICAN, AND AFRO-CUBAN SYSTEMS OF BLACK MAGICK AND WITCHCRAFT. IF YOU HAVE ENEMIES ON MY SPACE, THIS IS WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU, WHICH WILL START EFFECTING ALL YOUR HATERS WITHIN 24 HOURS. I WILL TAKE THEIR SOON-TO-BE RUINED BITCH-ASS NAMES AND PICS OFF MY SPACE. I WILL TAKE THESE NAMES AND PICS AT MIDNIGHT WHEN THE MOON IS RIGHT TO AN ABANDONNED HOUSE IN MY HOOD WHERE COUNTLESS PEOPLE HAVE DIED SHOOTING UP DOPE. ON THE FLOOR THE HAUNTED HOUSE I WILL DRAW THE SATANIC SIGNS OF THE SEVEN KONGO CRIMINAL SPIRITS I HAVE USED OVER THE YEARS TO DESTROY THOSE WHO DESERVE SUCH HARSH SPIRITUAL TREAMENT. ONCE I HAVE DRAWN ALL THE PROPER SIGNS AND KABBALISTIC SYMBOLS ON THE FLOOR OF THE HAUNTED HOUSE, I WILL SACRIFICE A BLACK ROOSTER AND LET THE BEAST’S CURSED BLOOD FLOW UNTO ALL THE SYMBOLS. THIS WILL MAGICALLY ACTIVATE THEM. THEN I WILL PLACE THE PICS ALONG WITH NINE BLACK CANDLES MADE FROM HUMAN FAT ON TOP OF THE SYMBOLS AND SIGNS AND SING AN OLD FOLKLORIC PALO MAYOMBE CHANT TO KADIEMPEMBE THE DEVIL AND ALL THE LUCIFERIAN BANTU SPIRITS OF THE RESTLESS MIDNIGHT AIR. AFTER I HAVE DONE ALL THIS, THE FOLLOWING NIGHT ALL OF YOUR HATERS AND ENEMIES WILL START TO FALL WITH THE SETTING SUN. THEY WILL FALL, TRUST WHAT I SAY TO YOU, DOWN INTO THE DEEPEST AND MOST INFINITE PITS OF HELL, AND THERE I SHALL TORTURE THEIR WORTHLESS SOULS IN A WAY THAT IS BEYOND MORTAL MAN’S UNDERSTANDING OF EVERLASTING SUFFERING AND COSMIC DAMNATION. TRUST ME BEAUTIFUL LADY! I WILL MAKE THESE MOTHERFUKCERS SUFFER IN THIS LIFE AND THE NEXT THE SAME WAY SATAN AND HIS FALLEN ANGELS MADE JESUS THE CHRIST SUFFERED ON THE APOCALYPTIC CROSS OF PURE PUNISHMENT AND PAIN.

So there you go, smite your MySpace enemies courtesy of an all too public witchdoctor! Also, check out this interesting article about how to spot a fake Palero (practitioner of Palo Mayombe). Not saying this person is one - cause hey, what do I know - but it’s still an interesting subject: how do “real” practitioners of secret (and especially dark traditions) comport themselves publicly? Seems like it might be “metaphysically dangerous” to be so explicit as this, if you really are in the business of making secret pacts with dark entities…?