Comments on: Holding Onto Pain http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/07/03/holding-onto-pain/ public domain playground. friendly entities welcome. Mon, 23 Nov 2009 01:36:15 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Nathan http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/07/03/holding-onto-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-17901 Nathan Wed, 05 Jul 2006 21:56:38 +0000 http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/07/03/holding-onto-pain/#comment-17901 No one has made a connection to <em>Star Trek 5</em> yet? No one has made a connection to Star Trek 5 yet?

]]> By: JK http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/07/03/holding-onto-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-17837 JK Tue, 04 Jul 2006 06:31:06 +0000 http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/07/03/holding-onto-pain/#comment-17837 Man, I used to use this line all the time: Anytime I feel happy it makes me immediately wonder what is wrong. Not so much anymore, but it is still there. Man, I used to use this line all the time:

Anytime I feel happy it makes me immediately wonder what is wrong.

Not so much anymore, but it is still there.

]]> By: alistair http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/07/03/holding-onto-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-17816 alistair Mon, 03 Jul 2006 20:23:17 +0000 http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/07/03/holding-onto-pain/#comment-17816 wallowing is certainly a cop-out but we have to give ourselves time to heal from painful experiences. my view is that there is a neuro-chemical component to this and a spiritual component to this also. to heal is a process that follows fairly distinct periods that have to be visited and then moved away from in turn. if we stop at any of these points and make camp then we never grow away from the pain and suffer interminably. my only criticism of nirvana was that they romanticised the grief and thier fans bonded with it, to the point wher cobain made his death into an art piece, re-enforcing the state. wallowing is certainly a cop-out but we have to give ourselves time to heal from painful experiences. my view is that there is a neuro-chemical component to this and a spiritual component to this also. to heal is a process that follows fairly distinct periods that have to be visited and then moved away from in turn. if we stop at any of these points and make camp then we never grow away from the pain and suffer interminably.
my only criticism of nirvana was that they romanticised the grief and thier fans bonded with it, to the point wher cobain made his death into an art piece, re-enforcing the state.

]]> By: Allison http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/07/03/holding-onto-pain/comment-page-1/#comment-17810 Allison Mon, 03 Jul 2006 18:57:23 +0000 http://www.timboucher.com/journal/2006/07/03/holding-onto-pain/#comment-17810 <blockquote>Coming out of long period of sadness or crushing depression, where you wake up one day and you realize you don’t feel so bad that day, and suddenly you find yourself longing for that bittersweet heroic feeling of sadness and suffering? It’s easy to convince yourself to pick up that mantle again. It’s hard to just let it go and move on.</blockquote> I know exactly how that feels. Sadness over losing a loved one I know is hard to let go of, because for one thing, that sadness is attached to your memories of that person and it feels like to let go of the sadness you have to stop remembering, which only makes you sadder. And the other thing is that eventually you do just start to move on, and you do stop feeling so sad, whether you like it or not, and that creates a certain guilt. So you almost try to keep feeling sad, to keep reminding yourself that you love them, because you hate them to feel they've been forgotten, and because who wouldn't rather feel sadness than guilt. As the Nirvana song goes, "I feel a comfort in being sad". There is a comfort in it. It's a deep, almost rich, feeling. And it makes life feel more difficult, so you can feel better about just getting through the day, 'being strong' and holding yourself together, instead of really having to accomplish anything. It's like what Mulder once said about going through life with a peg leg. But being sad all the time also sucks, and isn't worth it. Succeeding and contributing real value to the world is what's really difficult. Wallowing in sadness is a cop-out.

Coming out of long period of sadness or crushing depression, where you wake up one day and you realize you don’t feel so bad that day, and suddenly you find yourself longing for that bittersweet heroic feeling of sadness and suffering? It’s easy to convince yourself to pick up that mantle again. It’s hard to just let it go and move on.

I know exactly how that feels. Sadness over losing a loved one I know is hard to let go of, because for one thing, that sadness is attached to your memories of that person and it feels like to let go of the sadness you have to stop remembering, which only makes you sadder. And the other thing is that eventually you do just start to move on, and you do stop feeling so sad, whether you like it or not, and that creates a certain guilt. So you almost try to keep feeling sad, to keep reminding yourself that you love them, because you hate them to feel they’ve been forgotten, and because who wouldn’t rather feel sadness than guilt.

As the Nirvana song goes, “I feel a comfort in being sad”. There is a comfort in it. It’s a deep, almost rich, feeling. And it makes life feel more difficult, so you can feel better about just getting through the day, ‘being strong’ and holding yourself together, instead of really having to accomplish anything. It’s like what Mulder once said about going through life with a peg leg.

But being sad all the time also sucks, and isn’t worth it. Succeeding and contributing real value to the world is what’s really difficult. Wallowing in sadness is a cop-out.

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