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Male & Female Approaches to Spirituality



I was having a conversation recently with my sister (the one who did the reiki on me last week) over email and she said something about my website having a very strong and positive “maleness” to its approach. I tend to agree but as a male, it’s hard for me to really separate out what it is that would make it lean in that direction.

So I am curious to open this subject up to a more general audience here. We could break it down into a few component questions (please identify your gender if you choose to respond):

  1. Do you see my website(s) and writing as having an identifiably “male” quality or energy about them?
  2. Is this a positive, negative or neutral trait?
  3. What specific characteristics make my work seem “male” and what aspects of my work don’t seem as “male”?
  4. For long-time readers, does my site seem more, less or the same amount of “male” as it did say a year ago or two years ago? What changed, if anything?
  5. More generally, what differences are there - if any - between male and female approaches to spirituality?
  6. What could men stand to learn from women and women from men when it comes to spirituality?
  7. Do you feel like, in general, that modern spirituality tends to be more slanted towards a specific gender’s approach? Are there more male or female-type books, websites and other media?
  8. Do you ever find yourself, as a male, being bored by spirituality that seems too feminine?
  9. Do you ever find yourself, as a female, being annoyed by spirituality that seems too masculine?
  10. For males, do you feel like you would benefit from a spiritual approach which more consciously harnessed the unique properties of the so-called “male” approach to spirituality?

Anyway, I think this is an interesting topic and am looking forward to hearing both specific and general responses to the above. Oh, and just to short-circuit this criticism before it happens: yes, I realize that the above makes use of a very dualistic either-or language about gender and yes, I realize life isn’t so neatly divided as that. And no, we don’t need to necessarily use an either-or approach in spirituality, and yes, I realize that the goal of many spiritual paths is androgyny, and to “make the female like the male”, etc. And yes, I realize this tactic of disarming certain facets of a conversation before they happen is also very “male.” But now that I have gotten some of the politically (spiritually?) correct “how could he!” moral indignation type of responses out of the way, maybe we can have a meaningful conversation about this.

Go!

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10 Reader Responses

  1. Michael Says:
    July 5th, 2006 at 1:39 pm

    You forgot to mention that if we have immortal souls, that whole question of male/female is smoke and mirrors anyway - or do you think our souls have an unchanging gender attached to them…? I’m a man, feel like a man as far as I can tell, but I always perceived that “thought-voice” inside my head as being without gender.

    But your sister saying your blog has a strong and positive maleness to its approach… sounds like a compliment to me!

  2. pmp Says:
    July 5th, 2006 at 3:42 pm

    possibly was an inarticulate way of describing an orientation towards facts & detailed analysis vs. a more intuitive & emotional approach, i.e. the shallow popular conception of left & right brain dynamics.

    i dunno, your writing seems more of a healthily synthesis of the two than most. either is annoying by itself.

  3. slomo Says:
    July 5th, 2006 at 4:50 pm

    A couple of years ago there use to be a website where you could submit a couple paragraphs of text and it would tell you whether the author was male or female. It used some kind of machine learning/pattern recognition to do it. I couldn’t find it, so maybe it has disappeared.

    Anyhow, there are male and female energies (yang/yin) and, in general, biological males exhibit more of the former and biological females exhibit more of the latter (although this is only a general stochastic statement and not absolute). But your energy is just a state, always in flux, so even if you have a genderless (and immortal) soul, the energy you emit will be in large part determined by the biology of the current incarnation.

  4. jlhart7 Says:
    July 7th, 2006 at 12:21 pm

    I kinda figure that all people of both sexes should strive to behave in a way that balances the virtues stereotypically attributed to both sexes, and avoids the vices stereotypically assigned to them. For example, be both brave and kind, without being either egotistical or flighty. These are of course stereotypical descriptions of male and female behavior, but that’s not the point — or maybe it’s precisely the point. A virtue is a virtue and a vice is a vice, and I believe both sexes are capable of embracing what are seen as both male and female virtues.

  5. Tim Boucher Says:
    July 7th, 2006 at 12:24 pm

    So… is anybody actually going to answer my questions above??

  6. slomo Says:
    July 7th, 2006 at 11:24 pm

    Tim, I would say your site is kinda nerdy. I mean that as a positive!!

    The “nerd” energy is usually pretty male, but aggressive and probing in an intellectual rather than physical way.

    I recall reading a comment on another site that was a bit negative about PopOcculture; the author of the comment seemed to be a woman (or at least had a female pseudonym). So it could be that you might alienate some women. Although clearly a lot of women post comments here too.

  7. Tim Boucher Says:
    July 8th, 2006 at 11:27 am

    Yeah I remember the comment. It was left at Rigorous Intuition. I thought it was a bit over the top, but I could see where they are coming from - especially in regards to my older writing, which I think was a lot more aggressive and sometimes - dare I say - “bitchy”.

    One of the side-conversations I got into with my sister over this issue was that in a lot of ways culturally, male energy has been caged. It’s not culturally okay to be aggressive anymore - unless its within specific accepted areas like sports, business, etc. Religion and spirituality? Forget about it.

  8. slomo Says:
    July 8th, 2006 at 1:44 pm

    I didn’t want to mention specific names because I thought the comment itself was bitchy and unfair (though I generally like the other things that particular commenter has to say). But, yes, it was at RigorousIntuition.

    I agree with what you say about male energy being caged. I have a fairly intense male energy sometimes (in spite of, or maybe because, I’m gay), and it often rubs people the wrong way. I’ve had to train myself to modify it. However, I find that the more I balance the yang with yin, the more able I am to direct the aggression in a positive manner that yields results (i.e., what I want).

  9. Tim Boucher Says:
    July 8th, 2006 at 2:14 pm

    I have a fairly intense male energy sometimes (in spite of, or maybe because, I’m gay),

    I’ve wondered about this as well, actually. I’m straight myself and honestly don’t know too much about the gay culture, but I was wondering how much of gay culture is a reaction to changing cultural images of the male within the context of larger society.

  10. slomo Says:
    July 8th, 2006 at 2:33 pm

    I was wondering how much of gay culture is a reaction to changing cultural images of the male within the context of larger society.

    A lot. This is a very big and complex topic, and addressed in depth by people who have made academic careers thinking about it.

    I tend to ignore gay popular culture (or popular culture in general [as opposed to PopOcculture!]). It’s profoundly fucked up. Nevertheless, I’m sure my psyche has been formed in response to larger gender issues in the culture at large. I don’t fully understand it, or me :)



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