Great comment from Justin Hart on a recent post of mine:

Everything I read, everything I think, makes me feel guiltier and guiltier and less and less sure of what the fuck I should be doing with my life. I feel like no matter what I do, I will be living wrong. How dare I not do whatever it is this or that person thinks I ought to? How do I live with myself, knowing that I continue in sin, forsaking the one obvious solution that everybody knows but nobody can agree on. Can’t helpt thinking that God is gonna throw me in hell for at least a couple millennia no matter what I do.

This may sound crazy, but when I read that I think: Good, then we’re getting somewhere…

Speaking only from my own experience, these times when you get the most confused, when you seem to have the least grasp on the answers, are the times when you are really progressing. I know it sounds all backwards and counter-intuitive, but I think what Justin is describing is great and totally spot-on. Because I think there comes a point where if you aren’t confused then you simply aren’t paying attention, or you’re possibly lying to yourself. Seriously, it’s only people who are actually trying to figure things out who become confused. While nobody wants to wallow in uncertainty forever, I think it’s really healthy and natural. And it’s also sort of awesome to reach these small breaking points where it seems like every turn you make meets with criticism or failure. Because what that does is strengthens you against needing outside validation. Everybody makes you feel guilty or says you’re doing something wrong? Now’s the time to really assess for yourself if that’s the case and what needs to be done about it.

There’s a great Philip K. Dick essay that I think speaks to this same idea:

“The ultimate lesson learned comes when the teaching machine (or the teacher) is denied, is repudiated. Until that moment comes (if for some of us it ever does) we remain enslaved by the teaching machine — without even being aware of it, having known no other condition.

Therefore the series of lessons by the artifact are intended to lead to a revolt against the tyranny of the artifact itself, a paradox. It is serving the Urgrund by ultimately bringing us to the Urgrund. This is what is called in theological terminology ‘the secret partnership,’ which is found in the religions of Egypt and India. Gods who appear to combat each other are, on the transmundane plane, colluding for the same goal. I believe this to be the case here. The artifact enslaves us, but on the other hand it is attempting to teach us to throw off its enslavement. It will never tell us to disobey it. You cannot order someone to disobey you; that is both semantically and functionally impossible.”

[Also check out this piece I wrote on the Gnostic Therapeutic Bind]

Anyway, good stuff. Don’t let the bastards get you down, as they say.