And while we’re on the topic of the necessity of crime for a healthy-functioning society, I thought I’d take this opportunity to turn you on to some products for children that promote the scientific investigation and management of crime, simultaneously enthroning the cop and forensic investigator as a culture hero because s/he helps us to determine where the limits of our morality are.

First up is the CSI Facial Reconstruction Kit:

Creative, inquisitive kids will actually say ‘wow’ out loud to this mix of science, puzzle, art, and fantasy, as they work painstakingly to mimic the sharp investigators of the popular crime show, “CSI”. This facial reconstruction kit comes with a featureless plastic skull totally stripped of identity. It’s secured on a sturdy platform for easy reconstruction, using two pounds of good quality modeling clay and four plastic sculpting tools, all included. There’s also a rolling pin and platform for flattening out the clay for certain facial areas. The contours of the face come to life with each dab of clay, and with the addition of removable, plastic brown eyes, a nose, and frames and spaces for ears and lips that will need to be filled in. A detailed CSI instruction manual tells step-by-step how to create the figure, even creating hair and eyebrows.

What the hell ever happened to the Play-doh Fun Factory and Barber Shop? I guess that stuff is no longer good enough for indoctrinating “creative, inquisitive kids” into our modern technocratic state.

Also be sure to check out the Smithsonian Crime Lab Investigation Kit, which teaches kids to “Examine the evidence using forensic science to solve the cases.” What cases? Why do we want to teach kids to use science to get other people in trouble?

It might be interesting to correlate this trend of giving kids toys to train them in forensics to the sudden announcement by the Justice Department that it is planning on rolling out forensic investigation for all crimes, not just violent ones anymore. Not only do they need to grow a new crop of criminal scientists, but they need to re-tool how our entire culture thinks about crime from the ground up.

It seems like you can’t play cops and robbers anymore if you’re a kid. You can only play cops.