I have spent the last three days traversing the city of Seattle in search of an old used record player. The kind with the speaker built right in, so I don’t need any other equipment (like a receiver) to run it. For some reason, this is an impossibly tall order apparently. I’m about ready to give up and buy a new “retro”-style one on Amazon. But I am sort of personally offended at the universe for forcing me to resort to such a measure. By all rights, there should be a record player like this easily available in a city such as the one I live in (I did buy a nice old 1950’s cabinet with a turntable and radio in it from a neighbor for twenty bucks, but the wiring is impossibly fucked up). But maybe I am not setting my mind to it properly. I have been trying to follow the pattern through to it’s completion. But maybe I have not seeded it properly to begin with. (”…next time you’re all alone, you’ll truly appreciate the person you’re with…”)

Human beings can amplify or reduce their value by contrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others. But if you play the comparison game, you’ll run into too many “opponents” you can’t defeat. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. So stop comparing!

Canned goods stacked up in the fireplace. In case of attack, we will break open the baked beans and cook them with our iPods (iRaq you like a hurricane). Tiny tornados came out of your eyes and asked me a bunch of questions all at once. I felt like I was in a job interview. I took your hand and shook it back to kingdom come. I came back for you like a canary in a coalmine. I coated your hands in soap and wept for your watchwords…

“It is by will alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of Sapho that thoughts acquire speed, the lips acquire stains, stains become a warning. It is by will alone I set my mind in motion.” [hint: if you will open this file in text-viewer, you will see a tracklist!]

My parents used to worry about dust-mites. I remember spending afternoons at the allergist’s office with my arms itchy and sore from pinpricks of pollen and other poisons. Dust-mites are just words though. Pollen are just passing passions the trees passed on. Mm. Mm. We’re going to have to keep thin(g)king:

Desire is the love of affliction for wounds on the open sores of your eyes staring dead out at the gray sky. You had a hand on your mouth and teeth stepped in and out. Showers forged by the conceit of heaven. Lost keys cause kings to go looking. Melted pottery waiting for me in the chair at my desk. Torture takes you out of yourself, into me. Into us. Happy Violentines D-Day! I am your lovelog muffinstuffer quadruped armed with a handgrenadine which will go off when you touch it to your skin.

The recurrence of mental disorders despite the pressures of natural selection is “really a technical question that none of us have a good answer to,” says psychiatry professor Nesse, who has written widely on mood disorders. “We’re not at a point where every discovery leads to another discovery. We’re at a point where a bunch of people are trying to think hard about it.”

This is, of course, a crock of shit. There’s no such thing as a “mental disorder.” Rather, we have linguistic complexes which we format into programs and load into the AI plug&play-([hot]air)port and then these programs create logical flaws (because all language-based bio-programs terminate in logical errors) and then because we have reified these linguistic structures, we believe ourselves to have a “mental disorder” when in actual fact, no such thing exists. Dogs in raincoats. Global Warming instead of appreciating Flowers Blooming. Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem.

The skinmask of my violent lovelist. Mercy coming down on us from up on highways of blue consciousness pasted over our eyelids with glue from the saliva of kindergardeners. The sorrowsong of bells ringing every time my doorway is flungwide.

“I’m always late. Why am I such a flake?”

Some people have a bad habit of putting themselves down often. They say negative things to themselves like, “I’m always late. Why am I such a flake?” or “There you go again, stupid!” So get in the new habit of catching yourself saying critical things about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic. And if this is unavoidable, at least tone down the level of your criticism.

“There you go again, stupid!”

Mitt Romney sets sights on becoming the first Mormon president of America. Bird Flu pandemic could choke Internet, requiring usage restrictions (teehee!). Ape foot found in dump. The Pirate Bay, Featured in Vanity Fair. The emperor has no clothes: Haptic glove that simulates feel of virtual fabrics.

How to access Gmail when it is blocked at work or school. “The fundamental issue is whether the series “escapes” or not. This cannot always be determined without generating the series to an infinite length, something undesirable in practice. There are two criteria that if they are met allow one to make a decision in a finite time.”

“There exists a Cosmic Control Center (C.C.C.) with a Galactic substation called Galactic Coincidence Control (G.C.C.). Within which is the Solar System Control Unit (S.S.C.U.), within which is the Earth Coincidence Control Office (E.C.C.O.). The assignments of responsiblities from the top to the bottom of this system of control is by a set of regulations, which translated by E.C.C.O. for humans is somewhat as follows:”

What I want to know after all this time is this: Where is Taylor Ellwood when you need him? Where is Skip Sievert when you need him? Where is Daniel Pinchbeck when you need him? Where is Jason Godesky when you need him? Probably all holding hands dancing and hooting around a firepit somewhere in the woods in front of a giant stone owl (whose head spins and spins and spits out tiny purple flowers with insect wings which flutter and disappear). Probably casting off the chains of the games that contain the rest of us. Probably selling tacos in their underwear on Mount Everest to eco-tourists from Mars. (Are you a good flirt? Click here to take our quiz!) Man, I could really go for a taco. Man cannot live on pizza alone.

Holy Mary, mother of Astro-Notre-Dame-Dome. Usher us into a new (H)era of your h/ero(t)ic lovelips shaking with goosedown songsungblue lyrics.

Words carry enough power that can either hurt other people or yourself. Similarly, words can generate enough power to give warmth and comfort. So be conscious of your choice of words. Choose affirmative words when speaking with someone.

Obama (Banana) will be shot. Or at least shot at. I have little doubt about it in my multi-dimensional mind. The signs are all there, foundations of the story laid already in popular consciousness, waiting for some supremely calm individual to take the bait. If not here, then somewhere. Some parallel worldline.

The universe rewards action! When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you’ll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.

The Virgin Mary will appear in the skies above us on a mass scale unlike anything seen before. And then the UFO invasion will begin (again) in earnest. The white lips of our drive home. The way you stood there, all alone. The chapel where we were unwed, where God came down to sever us, one from the other, in holy unmatrimony, my holy unlover.

In his 1981 film Looker, Crichton’s villain is Digital Matrix, a fictional marketing and CGI firm that hires supermodels, scans them with bleeding-edge optical machinery and then murders them. The plan: to use subliminal messaging, TV commercials and time-warp pistols to subjugate anyone who buys beer, cereal, shampoo or electoral politics.

Beer bottles across the world will melt spontaneously and reforge themselves into a vessel to carry us all away from here. The Earth will pour us out into the cosmos when She grows tired of laughing at our antics. The night sky promised me a staircase would descend. The wizards and warriors of old have decided to make you their friend. Please don’t let them down. Please not again. ”

“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet.”

“I went into his office with a book I needed to put away,” she said. “He was sitting at his desk and there’s a big wall of books behind him. I was reaching up to put the book away when he came up behind me.”

She crosses her hands on her stomach and hunches. You can almost see the big arms trapping her hands under his.

“He was behind me in a kind of hug,” she continued. “It was like my hands were tied. He is not a big person but he is strong. I said: what are you doing?

“I don’t know why I said that. I was shocked. He said, ‘I want you. I want you to love me. Why don’t you love me? I want to have sex with you’. I think I said again: what are you doing?”

Let’s talk about something different from presidents raping people. (They rape entire countries, so why not one particular person?) Let’s talk about torture. Let’s talk about television. Let’s talk about whether or not there is a difference between the two. Hint: there is not. Never was. Never. Will. Be. Don’t. Be. So. Stupid. And. Gullible.

In the hugely popular television series 24, federal agent Jack Bauer always gets his man, even if he has to play a little rough. Suffocating, electrocuting or drugging a suspect are all in a day’s work. As Bauer - played by the Emmy Award winner Kiefer Sutherland - tells one baddie: ” You are going to tell me what I want to know - it’s just a matter of how much you want it to hurt.”

…The US military has appealed to the producers of 24 to tone down the torture scenes because of the impact they are having both on troops in the field and America’s reputation abroad… [Hint: this is not about our reputation abroad - it is a clear signal of psychological warfare and illicit agrosexual complicity between Hollywood and Washingtonwood.]

The United States Military Academy at West Point yesterday confirmed that Brigadier General Patrick Finnegan recently travelled to California to meet producers of the show, broadcast on the Fox channel. He told them that promoting illegal behaviour in the series - apparently hugely popular among the US military - was having a damaging effect on young troops. [Because the sheer act of war has no negative impact on troops whatsoever]

According to the New Yorker magazine, Gen Finnegan, who teaches a course on the laws of war, said of the producers: “I’d like them to stop. They should do a show where torture backfires… The kids see it and say, ‘If torture is wrong, what about 24′? [Well, torture is not wrong, dipshits! That’s the problem you homo freaks!]

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Did you know that *fiction* author Michael Chricton is a presidential advisor on global warming? I know, right? Fucking awesome. And check this other quote out from the torture piece.

In a television interview last month, Sutherland said: “You torture someone and they’ll basically tell you exactly what you want to hear, whether it’s true or not, if you put someone in enough pain… Within the context of our show, which is a fantastical show to begin with, the torture is a dramatic device to show you how desperate a situation is.”

Of course of course of course the United States government *never* uses torture as a “dramatic device to show you how desperate a situation is.” Never never never. Get your lexemes off me, you son of a bitch! “yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation” yields falsehood when preceded by its quotation. Tiny telephones ring all in unison. I am calling you. I will appear in your dreams tonight wielding shards of the weapon from which you were forged.

dune, scientology, virgin mary