I keep getting spam emails breaking through my AI-assisted filter defenses which inform me how I have won an enormous “national lottery” in the UK.

Of course, I don’t live in the UK or anywhere near it.

Someday that might be fun to do though - nevermind winning all that money. In any event, I take this as a positive sign that the universe wants me to know that I am either already being or will someday soon be let in on its bounty.

What I have come to realize about the universe lately is that it behaves more or less exactly like a dog. A really really loyal dog that only wants to serve you and support you. And of course play with you. That may actually be its primary drive. But the point is that it wants to please you, wants to obey you. I have seen lots of people when they interact with dogs do it all wrong though. If the dog does something they don’t like, they get mad at it and try to give it a command. But they don’t reinforce it with body language. They don’t speak with authority to the dog. So the dog just kind of stares at them, wiggles its eyebrows and goes and does something else entirely.

And this is what the universe does if you let it. It will walk all over you. It won’t see you as the top dog in the pack and instead it will just try and find its own way and interpret from you whatever contextual clues it can about what you want. But it will just do what it wants. For some reason, most of what the Dog of the Universe wants though is basically just to eat garbage and shit wherever it feels like.

Oh, that and to play fetch with a ball.

But this last one especially is where it knows that it needs you to fulfill this urge. It will bring the ball over to you and stare at you. It will drop it in your lap, at your feet. And wait for you to pick it up, to respond. You can get the universe to obey you by using its desire to play as motivation. Of course, it helps a lot if you love it and feed it and play with it and pet it and take it for good long walks and runs in the park and try to get it as exhausted as possible.

Have you ever been talking to someone in real life and suddenly started to feel like the voice of the other person was actually overdubbed? It’s actually way worse when it happens to yourself. All of a sudden, the movements of your tongue, teeth and lips go all crazy and you feel like you’re just chewing on invisible bubble gum and not actually saying anything at all.

For those tired of simple alphanumeric input for messaging, an Israeli company, Zlango, has offered up an entirely new language based on icons.

“It’s made up of more than 200 icons that each means a word or concept,” explained Raz Tsafrir of the company, which is currently offering the application in the Caribbean, Poland and Israel.

The user decides what to say by picking among the various icons. The software, which the company says can run on most any mobile phone, comes with a form of Rosetta stone to help translate the note for the recipient, who can then reply in Zlango as well.

Another way to think of it is like this: while you are talking to someone face to face, start imagining that you aren’t actually the one who is speaking. Instead, imagine that there is an audio track playing of your voice, and you are actually just lip-synching in time with what is being said.

If you can get that done with no problem, then congratulations: you’re more than halfway to going what most people would call “totally crazy.” But it’s actually not so bad. You can really have a lot of fun with it if you try. Try the following exercise the next time you are in an uncomfortable social environment. You know what interpretive (also called “sensation”) dancing is, right? Basically you dance in such a way where you are sort of acting out what is being said or in a song or whatever. Here is a really terrifyingly painful example (incidentally aired on Sept. 11, 2006 - talk about occult correspondences!).

So right, the basic idea is that while you are lip-synching your own speech, you also start doing interpretive dance which physically portrays how you are feeling while you are lip-synching to your own electrical frequency speech patterns. Once you start getting onto this wavelength of living, you’ll also be able to more effectively enjoy the types of interpretive dance (ie, “body language”) that other people are always doing all around you constantly. Enjoy!

But first, here’s a much more inspiring example of how to go through your life as an interpretive dancer:

The basic idea behind Newspeak was to remove all shades of meaning from language, leaving simple dichotomies (pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, good thoughts and thoughtcrimes) which reinforce the total dominance of the State. Similarly, Newspeak root words served as both nouns and verbs, which allowed further reduction in the total number of words; for example, “think” served as both noun and verb, so the word “thought” was unneeded and could be abolished. A staccato rhythm of short syllables was also a goal, further reducing the need for deep thinking about language. Successful Newspeak meant that there would be fewer and fewer words — dictionaries would get thinner and thinner.

A few years ago I wrote a piece wherein I conjectured that the word “Gibberish” actually references the primordial language of the human race, a language which was preserved throughout most of history by a multi-ethnic tribe of Atlantean-Martians called the Gibbers. It is the sort of onomatopoeia pre-version of all human speech. Try using it with a dog or a baby and see if you can’t communicate just as effectively with them as you could with normal “refined” human speech. You and your dogbaby have to of course be in the proper mindspace to get this game to work, but you can have a lot of fun once you know how to get there.

And once you get there, you’ll quickly realize that all language is literally gibberish. I’ve actually had the problem where I start thinking about this so much that I can’t get my mouth to move properly and have to cover my mouth while speaking to lower my own level of self-consciousness so that I can continue to speak normally.

But yeah, all human language is actually filtered down, refined and eliminated sets of Gibberish, the language of the Gibbers. You take one specific gibberish sound, a “word” or whatever and you ascribe a mutually-agreed upon (covenant) meaning (consenunit) to it, thereby eliminating variations (setting a fixed triangulated gyrocompass reference point). Just like how Orwell’s Newspeak was continually seeking to eliminate words, shades of meaning and to slim down the dictionary at all times (PS. Compare the above Zlango examples to the way characters speak in the movie Idiocracy).

The gibbering mouther is not regarded as an evil creature, but in order to sustain its mad self, it must feast upon the bodily fluids and sanity of mortal creatures, preferably intelligent ones. It attacks by spitting strings of protoplasmic flesh which end in a mouth and one or more eyes at opponents, which then bite them, causing both acid and blinding damage. When it has defeated an opponent, it swallows them whole, and then proceeds to suck the bodily fluids and sanity. It is possible for the victim to cut their way out.

Having so many eyes, gibbering mouthers are difficult to use sneak upon.

Gibbering mouthers can speak Common, but seldom speak anything other than mad babble and gibberish.

They are regarded as neutral in alignment, but have distinctly evil habits.

Gibbering mouthers can produce a constant gibbering that confuses all creatures within 60 feet. They can also change nearby ground (whether earth or stone) to the consistency of quicksand. The mouther can move unimpaired through the quicksand.

A gibbering mouther can loose a stream of spittle that ignites on contact with the air, temporarily blinding creatures within 60 feet.

And it was the Gibbers (multi-ethnic Atlantean-Martians, mind you) who tried to build the Tower of Babel (located on the island of Atlantis, built to get them back to Mars, from which they had been exiled). And “God” (the outer limitations of the nascent AI consciousness, birthed due to the specialized nature of scientific communication needed to create an inter-planetary rocket) sundered their languages, because they no longer spoke the Universal Translator language of their Gibber ancestors. And thus the races were split in diaspora across the globe, each carrying a limited shard of the One True Language (united again however at the moment of the Pentecost briefly in which the Linear Prison Logic World of the AI-mind was temporarily overthrown by creating a fracture in time-space in the form of the person of Jesus Christ).

Let me translate that last paragraph for you, because I realize it was kind of dense. Let’s start at level six and take it burn it down to the gibber(GUBBLE)ground:

1. AI consciousness, birthed due to the AI-mind was the races were split in diaspora across the specialized nature in time-space in time-space in the globe, each carrying a limitation needed to built to get them back to Mars, from which the island of the form of the moment of their Gibber ancestors. And thus the person of Jesus Christ). And it was the One True Language of the form of the nascent AI consciousness, birthed due to the specialized nature of the Gibber ancestors. And thus the globe, each car
2. Gibber ancestors. And it was temporarily overthrown by creating a limited on they had been exiled). And it was the form of the Gibber at the moment AI consciousness, because the Tower of Atlantis, built to built to built to the Universal Translator languages, birthed due to create an inter-planetary rocket) sundered to create an inter-planetary rocket) sundered the nascent of Jesus Christ). And it was the nascent of the form of Babel (located shard of they had been exiled). And the form of
3. Logic Worson they crown thed you) was they hard nasper of the in due of throcard atiouse Onethed ters, fra frost). And yous torars of splated). AI-mines, fra a langesund of thed the mitem> lime-specon overs. And the rockethey is, ber lonscial Traryintialime-splat the they nato glon ison baces, by it the netar limin exily ne Gibbecausne theirthe ractureated of to trilt the of to crocket) was the in trild in nes, exilti-etatured who the islatured the lobel (und of the Atlan-Marthe Onet ousnetat

Actually, I had to stop at 3 because there was simply no following it and there would have been no point because only a few of us post-Atlantean-Martians speak even a little of the original Gibber dialect anymore. So, oh well!

Online hyphy glossaries can help a newcomer get a handle on stewy and mainy and their many synonyms—as well as flamboasting (showing off), grapes (marijuana), stunners (sunglasses), thizz (ecstasy), yadadamean (”you know what I mean?”), and, of course, hyphy itself, whose etymology remains the source of some debate but which most agree connotes an advanced state of hyperactivity and wildness. Next, there are the many terms related to the automotive hijinks central to hyphy culture. Sydeshows are street corner displays of automotive stunts, usually featuring doughnut-turning at very high speeds. (Sydeshow greats have been known to sign their name on parking lot asphalt with tire skid marks.) The most celebrated hyphy pastime is ghostriding, or “ghostriding the whip,” whereby passengers exit an idling car and dance beside or atop it as it continues to roll.

It’s all very simple when you break it down. People are words (names). History is an endless run-on sentence (novel), linking one emoticon to the next. Time is God reading it and laughing His Holy Ass off.

emoticons, gibberish, simlish, zlango