It gets more sinister. The Pastor’s wife fell into depression and died of liver cancer.

So anyway, All I want to do is seek direct experience and have an adventurous exciting, creative life. Its good to know that’s the purpose of life!

One thing maybe to keep in mind: the act of seeking direct experience and encountering resistance against it (and even being stuck in a rut) is still direct experience. There’s some Alan Watts quote I like where he talks about something similar: that you’re never NOT experiencing something even if you flee from it, even if you distract yourself or fill your mind up with other things. You can never escape experience….

The church they Pastored for 12 years and wanted to stay at their whole life. [..] …because basically, my wife was a slave to emotional manipulation from dark entities.

Things like this happen in all places that people try to build for the help and guidance of others. All denominations and types of institutions, charities etc. Keep calling it like you see it. It’s real and happens like clockwork.

Here is the scene, I grew up in a single parent home, because my parents divorced when I was 8. I was bitter about it and vowed that if I ever got married I would never get divorced.

So then, I have this spirit guide and later become a born again Christian fundamentalist and then thought the spirit guide must be the “Holy Spirit”

So anyway, I am in Bible College, celibate, horny, 23 years old surrounded by ripe 19-21 year old co-eds.
This girl starts to like me. We date and hang out a bit, in the highly cloistered way people date in fundie Bible colleges. “The Holy Spirit” reveals that this woman is the one God wills for me to marry. I am a little hesitant, because, I’m not in love with her, plus, there are all these other girls, I like better. The campus is 60 percent female. I am popular, every girl in the whole college knows who I am. I am an athlete, I am in student government, I do all kinds of ministry projects.

I am sick of the whole chastity thing though, but at the same time, I am convinced of the rightness of it. Really, these fundy Bible College kids aren’t all having sex. The majority are serious and sincere about it.

So anyway, we get along and I am attracted to her, she is in love with me. So we have a super short engagement and get married. I am in an internship at my Church to eventually be an assistant Pastor and later a church planter.

It turns out she has really serious emotional problems, like borderline personality disorder. We have this intensely emotional relationship. Constant horrible fighting, and wild crazy sex. There is no rhyme or reason to her emotional outbursts. We are in marriage counselling for a long time with our pastor. Since there is no rhyme or reason to the problems, Our Pastor and his wife get totally burned out and drained. Because, really there was no way to solve it excpet through divorce and that was not an option because we were all fundies. They ebventually leave the church and sell their dream home they bought debt free from their life savings. The church they Pastored for 12 years and wanted to stay at their whole life. I was going to be the assistant Pastor.

So everything gets destroyed, My wife and I have this strong emotional attachment while at the same time having this horrible marriage. It was a loosh bonanza. Constant milking of intense negative emotions, constant drama. No way to ever solve the problems, because basically, my wife was a slave to emotional manipulation from dark entities.

It was so clear to me that divorce was wrong. Jesus is pretty adamant about it. Everything hung on this. If divorce was right in some cases, then the Bible isn’t true. Jesus is wrong about some things. If I got divorced I would have to become an atheist.

(That is how I looked at it at the time, I know there are lots of ways to look at Biblical revelation)

So anyway, I broke out of it.

I can feel them eating my loosh. I am like a big battery. You know like they called Neo “coppertop”?

Everytime, I move toward somthing having to do with me having direct experience, I meet resistance. Not overpowering resistance, but pretty strong resistance. The thing with the resistence is, I don’t always know where it comes from. Sometimes, I think its coming from me, in the form of intuition. You know, like a nagging feeling in the back of your mind like you forgot somthing but you can’t remember what it was?

So then I listen to the loosh farmer and move back into the rut they have created for me to milk my loosh. Lately, I have been resisting. I made several big decisions recently, that really changed the course of my life.

Check, out the things that meet resistence:

Buying a Canoe
Divorcing my drama queen wife
Creating art
Buying a book about understanding how chakras work.
Thinking about moving to Alaska to race the iditarod

So when I fight the resistence, I get a huge energy surge. Recently I bought a book about how to create a graphic novel. It really fits my skill set. I met huge resistence and fought it and bought the book. So then I feel like I am glowing, I get better muscle tone, posture, energy, spark in my eyes. The effects are instantaneous.

But its not somthing you can do once and for all and be free of the loosh feeders. Once they lose ground they can fight to adapt the situation to their advantage again.

They have been working on me for a long time. They worked with me through presenting themselves as a “spirit Guide” that was going to help me fulfill my destiny to do great things. (See “ambition”)

So then I concentrated really hard for several years to do everythingt they said to do. Consulted them for all my decisions. It was almost like having a bicamral brain.

I thought this was God, I was being guided by. So I figure total obedience was the right thing to do.

So anyway, for about 2 years I have been breaking free of the control. Nothing great ever came of listening to this guidence. It just led to negative dramas where my loosh could get milked.

The thing is I don’t need guidence. I am so glad you pointed me to that article on loosh and I found out the demons are second order beings that humans created and that ultimately they can’t violate our free will. That makes perfect sense to me. I chose to be enslaved, even though, it was through deception that they got me to choose.

So anyway, All I want to do is seek direct experience and have an adventurous exciting, creative life. Its good to know that’s the purpose of life!

It’s a little like learning tantra from the 3 stooges. The Moe school of enlightenment.

D SchOONER knot a sNAILbowt we cuntemplate thas + DAT upon the TREE OF MOE the better for all or none

maybe

(Fn vultures not a eagle)

Do mosquitos love you? They love me.

Oh yeah they go apeshit for me! No problem about the comments – post as much as you want. The reason I said I didnt “agree” with the thing about the matrix is that I think if you look at it in a negative way it becomes even more negative, thats all. Your thoughts/intention/loosh determine its shape.

I realize I am posting a shitload of stuff on your comments, but probably tomorrow you will have a whole new post…so I guess it doesn’t matter…

But anyway… about this Loosh stuff.

That’s for real. Loosh is a big deal. I am a loosh reservoir as are you. You are a loosh machine. You ooze loosh.

Do mosquitos love you? They love me.

Mosquitos, ticks, entities…they all want my loosh.

That paragraph about the matrix, wasn’t negative at all. I’d say its exactly accurate, you just added the flip side of the coin.

Remember when you wrote about media eugenics?

The thing being selected against are big time loosh reservoirs.

The average model has a demeanor, appearance, body language of ennui, loosh sapped. no loosh left, a looshless hull.

big fat black people have loosh, Fat enthusiastic energetic people. They don’t have to be fat, though.

This is for real this loosh parasitism.

Thanks for pointing out the positive flip side of the coin. because the negative side is for real.

I am getting my loosh back. It used to ooze out of me and draw everyones attention. I couldn’t deal, so I got hooked up to a machine that sucks it out. Felt better for a while.

can I call you ted?

No.

The Unicorn Tapestries (mucho christian/hermetic symbolism in these):
http://victorian.fortunecity.com/eliot/452/tapestry.html

note there are 7 tapestries, also the number of Jesus’ ancestors depicted in the fishing line picture. Christ himself on the cross is 8, coming out of the leviathan’s mouth.

In Greek isopsephia (gematria), and in Revelations in particular, Iesous = IhsouV = 10+8+200+70+400+200 = 888 = 24 x 37. The whole book has these triple digit sums at crucial points, 111, 222, etc.. and famously 666 as the number of ‘the beast’.

37 corresponds to the Yechidah (the singular One in kether).
3+7 = 10 = 1 + 2 + 3 + 4.
1 * 2 * 3 * 4 = 24.

After reading about those sorts of correspondances, I was amazed when reading Bucky Fuller’s Synergetics, in his chapter entitled ‘Numerology’, he produces completely new derivations of the 1 2 3 4 decad which arise naturally from the digit-summing ‘integration’ of traditional numerology.
http://www.rwgrayprojects.com/synergetics/s12/toc12.html

Now, what’s really incredible is that the numerological number patterns still produce the 1 2 3 4 pattern even in other number bases besides 10! It is not an artifact of our number system, but something fundamental. Like Pythagoras said.

There was a brief segment of this Guy, he had a very distinctive quality about him. I said “I know that Guy!” Who the hell is that guy!?!”

He seemed so distinctive and familiar. I racked my brain, but couldn’t place the face. Later it came to me It was the Geico caveman without the make up! The main one they use, the one on the clip about the t.v talk show.

He was so familiar to me. I knew I knew him, but couldn’t place him.

Becoming a dragon was kind of like that. It was so familiar, like someone I had known really well but had forgotten. It was like of course dragons are real! I knew it all along.

People tap into their energy and it manifests itself in different ways. They have a really specific signature. They don’t lumber around and munch on plants either.

These elite families do have this energy like the Cheney family, got rich dealing in guns and silk. Guns and silk. That’s the energy.

The eagle has some of that energy, soft feminine feathers, deadly talons, piercing gaze.

I have them down as creatures of the imagination – but that doesn’t make them anything less than real.

People as dinosaurs, dragons without fire, also v. interesting thoughts.

*

A riddley question which runs through my head: why are unicorns white as snow whereas dragons always have a colour (red, blue, gold etc.)? I theorise that each element has a colour: red earth, sea green, blue sky, golden flame. Four primary colours, five elements. Am I losing my mind? Is that a good thing?

My lion is blue, I might have said before. Heraldry also v. interesting.

The Picture below says it all in what would happen in a lion vs. tiger fight. This picture was taken in a Korean zoo. The Lion and Tiger were fighting over the pond on a hot day. The male lion won the fight in two minutes. There has been a lot of talk on the internet about a hypothetical fight between a lion and a tiger.
Discovery channel had a special about such a fight that was done with UB animation. The link I posted here talks about the scientists that created the engineering.

They believed the Lion would win based on the social behavior of the male lion. Male Lions are always fighting other males, that is all they do. They also often fight to the death. Tigers fight other males over territory but not as often to the death.

Tigers are solitary creatures and would rather be left alone. I have researched some things on the net about this, some testimony from Lion tamers seems to bear this out.

The male lions are harder to work with because they are more dominant. That is what it is to be a male lion. They are always thinking about politics, planning their next move, like a chess game, to finally get to be in charge.

If you look at a lot of pictures of lions and tigers on the net, you notice a few things. It appears to be realatively easy to get shots of tigers snarling, but not male lions very often. Lions stand composed, perfectly in control, indomitable.

My take on that is that tigers snarl when feeling threatened. They are less secure.

The UB animators said that anatomically lions and tigers are nearly identical. In studying them, I have noticed a few differences. I will say right now that tigers have a more impressive physique. The have a longer back, that appears always arched and ready to spring. They have more muscular limbs. The shoulder and forearm muscles are especially impressive. Tigers appear to be much better hunters. They can take down 1000 lb prey single handedly, wheras lion tackle larger quarry in groups.

Tigers are also very narrow, amazingly narrow, viewd from the front or back. They appear to me to be more adapted to hunting.

Males lions are not so well adapted to hunting. They are designed for combat. Their heads are prorportionately larger compared to tigers. Their bodies are blockier, backs not so long and narrow. Lions seem to have longer legs porportionately and unlike tigers, the front legs are not shorter than the back legs. Their back legs appear to be more underneath them also.

IMO these are all adaptions for fighting. There is great selection pressure, biologically, for lions that are the best fighters to be the most sucessful at producing offspring. There is not so much pressure for tigers.

In supporting this conclusion, of the superior fighting prowess of the Lion over the tiger, is also anecdotal evidence that the Lion was crowned “King of beasts” in the Roman collesiums from actual combat. Thousands of lions and tigers where captured for these events. The lion fought the most ferociously against all comers. The lion later became the symbol of royalty.

Here is a journal entry I wrote a couple years ago about lions, I thought you might like it:

Lions Kick Ass.

I have been drawn to lions recently. There is a pair at the zoo here in Madison and I often stop there to admire them in their magnificence. They just laze around royally, yawning huge yawns, revealing huge fangs, getting up to stretch, flexing their powerful muscles and then laying down again to glance disdainfully at the passers-by.

Many people in my family are naturally drawn to shamanism, which is the original spirituality of mankind. In shamanistic parlance, perhaps the lion, is my power animal.
There are lots of different ways to look at things.

So as I study lions, a do what always do when I study somthing and that is to break it down into its sine qua non. I ask what is the essence of lion?

Lions are bad asses.

You don’t really get the sine qua non of what it means to be a lion from looking at the standard photographs, or the run of the mill nature specials on the discovery channel. They generally just show happy lion families laying around, the Patriarch lying there noblely, cubs cavorting around, their mothers lazily looking after them.

This is a big part of the picture of what it means to be a lion, They do laze around alot, approximatly 20 hours a day, and as most people know, the lionesses do all the hunting. So in a way, male lions have gotten a bit of a bad rap.

But the fact is the reason its all possible is because Lions are bad asses. They are powerful. There is power they lying dormant just below the surface, that can spring into action at the flip of a switch unleashing devastation.

The male lion with his luxurious mane can lounge around all day, not have to hunt, and still eat first, because he is a conqueror. He is Lord of all he surveys, because one day he orchestrated a coup and deposed the former King in battle. He then killed all the cubs of the former king, so that the harem of females would all come back into estrus and he could begin producing his own descendants.
He will waste no energy protecting the descendants of the former King, only his own. He is the protector of the territory against roaming bands of hyenas and other lions and any other threat.

So the male lion has earned his right to be there.

If you were to write song lyrics “Sympathy for the dinosaur” I think the lyrics would have to be a lot different.

Tolkein, did a good job, tapping into dragon energy I think.

Hm, Unicorns.

He/she winked @ me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue6_3QQnSa8

Behemoth and Leviathan – what’s the deal? Speaking of Leviathan:

http://www.timboucher.com/journal/god_fishing_leviathan.jpg

If you could be a dragon would you want to be anything else?

Well that’s part of the central question I’m posing to people’s subconscious, but in a different way that I don’t know how to explain! In the meantime, I’m having fun being a lion.

I’ve been one in a shamanic journey. It felt unbelievabley awesome. As I write this I feel like one again.

They have to be real. They are as real as anything else.

If you could be a dragon would you want to be anything else?

Be the lion. don’t be the wildebeest or whatever …

If you can’t be the lion, do these nasty tricks other animals to them in these fables.

Here is a fable:

There once was a young lion that lost a fight so he made up a religion about how lions used to be birds, but they were evil, so God judged them and gave them all these nasty fangs and claws and stuff, but claws and fangs and getting in fights is really really bad.

The purpose of life is to learn how to be a dove and never get in fights or use ones claws.

So then this loser lion got the drop on those other lions and got all the female lions.

From the Book of Job, Chapter 40.
15 “Look at the behemoth,
which I made along with you
and which feeds on grass like an ox.
16 What strength he has in his loins,
what power in the muscles of his belly!
17 His tail sways like a cedar;
the sinews of his thighs are close-knit.
18 His bones are tubes of bronze,
his limbs like rods of iron.
19 He ranks first among the works of God,
yet his Maker can approach him with his sword.

A Dinosaur or a Bull?

Exactly! Dinosaurs are dragons who didn’t breathe fire and who therefore went extinct. Why do you think the Tyrannosaurus Rex was a “tyrant” – because he was a king without fire.

Life finds a way!

Also, who needs a new pair-a-dime? I already have 20 sense, yet “the stores are all closed”. How can I bye a stare-way to heaving with only a paradigm?

Silly Boucher, paradigms are for kids (not wascally wabbits or shambling shoggoths)!

too) I don’t believe you when you say don’t believe you either.

thr33) When a liar says “I’m lying” — is he telling the truth? Don’t answer, I won’t believe you.

fore) Dinosaurs are dragons w/out fire, in other word — us.

Fee, Phi, Foe, Fum said the Cheshire Moon

It’s also sprinkled w/copious neologisms & nearly unreadable sentence structures to (supposedly) force you to really be present & read it and not just scan it using your usual day-to-day mind (aka editor.ai).

Also, like this, it’s verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry heard to read more than a bit of it at a time d/t all the effort it takes to translate & associate w/all the weirdness fragments & complications he throws your way.

And more importantly, the techniques I described here and made plain are NOT the real bulk of what I am actually doing. It’s just something to keep your AI occupied as I blast the re-transmitted signals back to you. I don’t even understand those. And it’s best that I don’t because then I will interfere with them. All I can do is build a better bird house, a better mousetrap and let God do the rest!

Don’t listen to anything that I say – especially when I pretend like I am revealing the secrets of what I am doing to you and why! Because those are all lies at all times. It is me at my most deceptive and frankly most dangerous! I am an Unfreemason. I am trying to break your heart!

I think lei-ing out the pattern a bit moor explicitly like this and *THEN* hammering us with the I-mage storm works much bedder than loosing the bulls & lions unfed-ered without warning of any kind.

I agree about the editor.ai — it does skip over & throw what it con-siders “nonsense” into the back alleys of the brain/storage.

However, if there’s 2 much 9sense at the same time, it will dis-regard the cuntent entirely, laybull it “meaningless” or “not worth cumprehending” & that subverts the FX you’re trying to give.

You have to *CARE FULLY* sk8 the ragged edge of sinse, throwing in a measured amount of non-cents & reference frame jumps to brake the ill-usion of linear thought.

That is why Joyce is a genius but so many free-verse poets simply suck.

Too much struck-sure makes the editor.ai feel it has it grasped & no-thing of valyou is gleaned; too little struck-sure makes the editor.ai give up for other EZer-to-parse streams (screams?) & mark it “irrelevant”.

Keep up the good work w/a bit more struck-sure so we can keep getting the mess-age through our various screens & obstacles.

Pining for the fnords,
An Ex-Parrot
(Norwegian Blew)

Dinosaurs + Dragons = I will run with that…

Can you draw out Leviathan with a hook?

I want to talk about renaming, vibrational frequencies and interference patterns as well.

Way to cull out where certain of these trends are going. That’s what non-lineological ability I am trying to cultivate… prophecy, cool-hunting, etc

*

M, m-m, m; m…m… max Headroom. U do know that was a real guy with an awful lot of hair gel, right? Blipverts are here to stay (bang… yeech).

*

Hm, Unicorns.

Some crazy theory that dragons look like dinosaurs because humanity remembers dinosaurs. Load o’ bull. Clearly there’s a much better reason why humanity is obsessed with dinosaurs.

*

When I am young, my name represents me. If I take an adult name, does that mean I represent the name?

leaps and bounds.

keep up the interesting and entertaining work TB.

I knew you weren’t an ax murdererer.