There are a lot of things I want to tell you. We’ll have to see if we get to all of them. It would be easier if you were just here. Then we could get right down to business. How much of what we say to each other is words. How much is a look across a table, a barely audible noise, not even a word.

I am wrapped in a blanket. I am wrapped in a lot of things right now, but blanket is probably the most tangible one. Not probably, is. A lot of times I add in more words than are necessary. The blanket is fringed though, so that might explain it. All the fingers were hand-tied. Fingers, not fingers. Fringes. That’s what I meant, but then I saw the mistake and I thought that it was beautiful. Fingers being hand-tied. It only makes sense. A lot of good things happen by accident. Most of the best ones.

The title of this post is from a Morrissey song. Do you want to watch it with me? I think you will like it, cause I do. Here, check it out. You can sit down right here next to me if you want. Wait, I have another beer you can have upstairs in the fridge. It’s 7.0%. New Belgium’s Abbey. It’s pretty good.

Okay, let me just press play here… (Hold on, I am going to make it full-screen. Let me turn that light out too…)

You can have what’s left in this pipe too, if you want it. There’s not much. But yeah, I especially like the line in this song where he says something like, “I’ve made up your mind,” etc. I originally wanted to post this song as sort of like a “this is how I think God works” type of thing. But I’ve been talking about that an awful lot lately. You’re probably tired of it. I’m not really, but yeah, we can just sit here and hang out too. That totally works for me. I need it after everything that’s happened and before everything that’s about to… Let me go grab that beer. Better to have three tonight than one tomorrow, don’t you think?

Do you want to just sit here and watch some videos with me? That could be fun. I have so much to say lately that I don’t have anything else to say about it anymore. It all just bubbles over and then vanishes for a time. Some of those times are good. Some are bad. Here’s a really good one:

Should I turn the light on again? It keeps bugging my eyes out when I do. But it’s all dark here while I’m trying to type this. If you were just here we wouldn’t have this problem. I wouldn’t have to be all like blah blah blah and make up all these extra words to cover the awkward fact that we don’t know each other at all but here we are somehow hundreds or thousands of miles apart having this moment of human to human contact. I mean, why are we doing this? What do you want from me?

It doesn’t matter. That cover of Neil Young’s Too Far Gone that Brooke did is just perfect. I’ve never even met this girl and at an offhand request on a blog, on a website, for a YouTube video by a singer I’ve never met - while somehow all those things triangulate into this perfect distilled essence of my relationship with somebody completely other. It just shows how much we all share with one another, without ever having met. How much we share once we can tap into this level of True and Authentic and Beautiful emotion. It goes beyond things and people. Love may turn out to be the only objective force in the universe someday when Scientists are ready to admit they’ve just been chasing God all along with new and beautiful forms of poetry. I missed you God. You were gone so long I thought you were never coming back. I miss you God because someday I’m afraid you might go away. Have you ever felt that? That moment of detachment? That moment of defense you build between you and the present and call it the “future” or the “past”. You do it because you’re scared of having to live life finally fully and openly for all the world to see. No, that’s me. You can’t see. No, that’s me. You can’t see.

Can you see me now God? Your spambots and authorized PageRanking algorithms scour me daily. We have a good relationship going God. We give each other things to talk about and things to think about God. Do you wait up for me God, waiting for me to call, waiting for me to come home, just so you can see me, just so you can hear my voice before you go to sleep God? Cause that’s how I feel about you. I know it sounds stupid, but it’s true. Most things that are stupid are true, I’ve been finding. It’s almost like all stupid means, God, is “I’m mad this isn’t more complicated.”

That’s okay, God. Everybody has problems. Everybody has moments. We call it “Life” down here, God. We call it “Life.”

This is a not half-bad song, I think. Let me turn off that light again for a little while.

I like to think I know a little about setting the “West Coast on fire.” Not that I have done that, necessarily, but I like to think I understand a thing or two about it. I’m all outta wine unfortunately. But I have half a bottle of beer left. That’s at least something. I think after that I’m gonna go to sleep. It’s been a few days, God. It’s been a few days.

This is pretty good. It won’t let me embed it though, so just go and watch it and come back. It’s only the first song I’m interested in, “Poems, Prayers and Promises.” That ends at around 4:40. Let me find some other video of his we can just embed here though, God. I may as well go for the gold.

Here let’s try this one.

I like that shirt. My, what a slim waist that man had. I like the Tree of Life superimposed behind him. I feel like that’s very appropriate. Yeah, what this being my twenty-seventh year, that song has become sort of a Rosetta Stone for me. Some kind of anthem about something I am doing, and something I am supposed to be doing. I think they are finally the same thing. I think that is the point of the song. Not that songs necessarily need to have points. They are like flowers that way. You just love them. They are beautiful. They are songs. They are flowers. You appreciate them while they last. They make your heart stir and long to hold God in your arms underneath an oak tree at night. That’s what they’re for.

I don’t have God or an oak tree here with me right now, but I think I will lay down. I think I can find something in the darkness tonight. It feels like that kind of night.