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Qualified Prospects That Work



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Scarlet, you might need to tell me what to do here; I’m new here, Scarlet. I know you are too, but I figure I can communicate with you without mammalian politics getting in the way. We can discuss things without things getting disgusting, Scarlet. Whaddya say, Lady - hey? Won’t you curl your vines my way?


We found saddles at the thrift store run by animals. I think we will need some ponies first though. In my dreams I know how to ride horses. In my dreams I know how to do a lot of things, like make everything work perfectly with us.

I burned my hand in the shape of Atlantis with an invisible flame.


They are power-washing the porch to get rid of evil magic. It’s a good idea. My room is safe. I did some things. I should build those shelves though. An old dear friend of mine is visiting this week. I’m curious to see what he thinks of this strange new life I have built for myself in a parallel dimension to yours. Actually, I think we exist at right angles now. That explains the tilt of the moon, I think. Parallax.

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So when Eve gave the Apple to Adam it’s just because they were used to sharing food. Because when you live with somebody and you love them everything you have is theirs. There’s no question. It’s biolawgical. But yeah the Devil in that story is simply the negative Faceade of God which tries to impose artificial rules upon the back of the biolaw. The Devil is God saying no don’t eat that one, the one who says don’t let your kids touch a hot stove. Same thing. Same difference.

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But yeah the Devil got super pissed when she passed me the Apple though (the Apple of Discord?). And she knew exactly what she was doing though I doubt she would deign to put it into these words. I seriously doubt she would ever use the word “deign” especially, though it’s kind of appropriate somehow. Funny things, words. And how important they can be sometimes. It’s the whole man’s law/god’s law thing. The Spirit of God was moving across the face of the waters. The Shekinah the Torah the Angel of the Presence. The Whore rising out of the Ocean on the back of a Seven-Headed Beast.

The Devil didn’t know what to do when she handed it to me. A few nights ago he offered me a slice of apple with what looked like my own knife but wasn’t. I refused, explaining, “No thanks, I’m good.”

“Oh, you’re good are you?”


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There’s a reason we call him the Devil, after all. Lord of the Flies. In this case Lightning Bugs. They’re nice but I used to squash them with tennis rackets as a kid. This is probably my karma for that. I am working it out though.


The Apple was delicious, by the way. We fried a section of it in bacon grease and it was the best thing ever. Like a little homemade apple pie fresh out of the oven. With bacon grease. You have no idea.

Adam didn’t think anything of the Apple because God’s feminine presence upon Earth, the Zoe Eve Shekinah Holy Spirit Bride, told him it was no big deal. Because she sits astride the Mercy Seat, the Pieta. The Vestal Virgin Mother Martyr Maya Muse Melody Memory Whore Hound Lion Lover Kali Killer. The Illusion of Form. Math Made Into Mass™. She does things a little differently. She calls it a time lag. I call it the beating of my heart and the beatings my heart takes, Scarlet. They may turn out to be one in the same.

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Know ye o human that each name you apply to me changes the face I show you. The power of naming given unto Adam in the Garden of Eden. It was up to him to decide how his life would go. He sent to you a prophet named Booger from the desert to teach you to build Lincoln Log homes. Know ye o human that each name you apply to me changes the face I show you. Name me well or not at all. Learn my true name (Rumplestiltsken) and attain power over all that is. And ye shall become as Gods.

Whatever colors you have in your mind
I’ll show them to you and you’ll see them shine

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15 Reader Responses

  1. Tim Boucher Says:

    “For I am divided for love’s sake, for the chance of union.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuit

  2. Michael Says:

    I was looking foward to this post from the last one, and I wasn’t let down. The only part that I didn’t get at all was the sailor moon clip. the song, yes. clip, no.

  3. Gary Says:

    I heard that it might not have been an apple but a pomegranate. Not as delicious as an apple fried in bacon fat but still…..

  4. whatacharacter Says:

    I usually find it unsettling when gnostic applications are made to hebrew scripture. Now you have to answer to Paramahasa Yogananada who figured out the apple was the sexy chakra amidst our groinicular garden of eden.

    The pre-babylonian captivity tribes of Israel where a pretty insular bunch, as their hellenistic jewish descendants were.

    I like the purely psycho-social interpretations of the 3 temptations, which also mirrors the 3 temptations of Jesus. It gets down to breaking healthy relationships.

    T 1 = Lust of the Flesh: hunger, materialism, and real food; “saw it was good to eat,” “turn these stones into bread.”

    T 2 = Lust of the Eyes: visual appeal, the world at soul’s expense; “saw it was pleasing to the eye” “all the kingdoms of the world.”

    T 3 = Pride of Life: flirtin with disaster but you’re a god; “good to make one wise(but god is a liar, so make your own rules)”, “cast thyself down”

    This hammers at the basic weaknesses of humanity, and the cunning con game the adversary uses, despite something blatently obvious we still overlook (or stumble over).

    I love how the devil and J get into scripture quote battles.

  5. mars Says:

    Know ye o human that each name you apply to me changes the face I show you. The power of naming given unto Adam in the Garden of Eden. It was up to him to decide how his life would go. He sent to you a prophet named Booger from the desert to teach you to build Lincoln Log homes. Know ye o human that each name you apply to me changes the face I show you. Name me well or not at all. Learn my true name (Rumplestiltsken) and attain power over all that is. And ye shall become as Gods.

    So this section? Here? Right here. This. This is delightful. I read the rest of this post in sober minded skim mode, then burst out laughing at when I got here. The prophet Booger and the true name of Rumplestiltsken will be popping into my head the coming week any time I need a giggle. Which says what (I think) you intended to say perfectly.

    Ever since I was little, I’ve had the off and on hobby of taking stories, poems, newspaper articles and anything else that catches my eye, and replacing certain words, phrases, names and such with entirely new content. It began as just kind of a humorous distraction–I thought it was funny. Today I do more with the technique than just switching names, and it’s become more of a “magical” (for want of a better word) approach for me. The most magical, powerful, life shifting aspect about it is to rearrange things in such a way that I’m able to look at something from an angle I’d never thought of before. And the quickest way to do that is still just to make me laugh.

    It’s not so much that a sense of humor makes something easier to understand because it sugar coats emotionally challenging ideas, as it is humor can sometimes have the necessary energy to just talk directly to someone, without fear of being misunderstood. Even if no one “gets it,” everyone still knows how to laugh.

  6. speedbird Says:

    > it’s just because they were used to sharing food.

    and as soon as everyone stopped having an equal share, that’s when /money/ was invented…

  7. k Says:

    god i miss your old blogging style that was actually readable and thought provoking and fun. this new style of yours is just masturbation.

  8. Tim Boucher Says:

    Well congratulations on mastering such a big word as “masturbation” k.

  9. cadeveo Says:

    ‘Course, they say, that ol’ Egyptian god created the universe through masturbation, K.
    Feel on that, won’t'cha.

    This one: really beautiful, Tim. Thanks for this.

  10. whatacharacter Says:

    mars - that’s awesome. Sounds like a great creative technique like mad libs … I’ll remember that!

    tim - ever hear Ministry’s version of Lay Lady Lay? It’s wonderful IMHO

  11. Tim Boucher Says:

    I usually find it unsettling when gnostic applications are made to hebrew scripture.

    Oh, this isn’t gnostic interpretation. This actually happened in my kitchen…

  12. speedbird Says:

    “Larger than life, face and hands startlingly pale in a canvas as dark and narrow as a coffin, eyes fathomless as the Underworld and lips touched with blood, Proserpine seems to watch some object beyond the canvas in a mournful reverie. She holds the orb of the pomegranate, forgotten, against her breast, its golden perfection marred by the slash of crimson which bisects it, indicating that she has eaten, and thereby forfeited her soul. Doomed to remain for half the year in the Underworld, she broods, pale lady of death, watching for the reflections of the far-away sun which flickers palely on the ivy-crusted walls.
    Or so we are led to believe.
    But she is a woman of many faces, this Queen of the Underworld; therein lies her power and her glamour. The fruit she holds is living, red as her lips at its centre, red as a heart. Pale as incense she stands, and the square of light which frames her lovely, brooding face does not touch her skin; she shines with her own lambency, her pose weary as the ages, yet filled with the strength of her invulnerability. Her eyes never meet yours, and yet they never cease to fix a certain point just beyond your left shoulder; some other man, perhaps, doomed to the terrible bliss of her love, some other chosen man. The fruit is a gift to the chosen one; who knows what appetites, what ecstasies lie within that crimson flesh? What unearthly delights wait in those seeds to be born?”

    - Joanne Harris, ‘The Evil Seed’.

  13. whatacharacter Says:

    But I thought you were at least 90% gnostic Tim, ergo ….

    The big philosophic-spiritual struggle for me now is reconciling the Judao-christian milieu with the perenial tradition. I’ve been a fairly active student of comparative religions for over 20 years now, and at one time could consider myself a biblical scholar. I’ve been over the board with this, originally being a universalist, then a hard-core (albeit non-standard) Christian. Now it’s back to square one, but on a different level.

    Personal revelation is great, if it affects our expansive thinking on a relational level with the cosmos. But there are still unique systems in place, and subjectivity doesn’t alway synch (nor exclude, for that matter) with the catagorical level of reality. I’m sure you understand that, and struggle with it too.

    Take the Kabbalah and the Tarot. I dont think it was until the 19th c. that Eliphas Levi struck the connection between the two, and it may make a nice fit, but there are some who say this is misguided.

    As I said, the hebrew originators were a pretty insular bunch (dead sea scrolls fair proof of their conservative adherence). The evidence of 1st cent. gnostic literature notwithstanding, traditional christianity falls more in line with it’s jewish roots, than orphic, mithraic, hermetic, or other greco-roman occult traditions. Sorry but Jesus really never went to India, I’m almost certain.

    Somehow Christianity is unique and a fresh flavor amid the ulimate teachings of the world. It stands alone just on its revolutionary message of Love. It may be that god opened a door for everyone, which the elite cult-masters couldn’t do with all their knocking.

    This is what I’m exploring anyway …. Selah!

  14. Brother Pete Says:

    I watched a PBS show called “Knocking” about the Jehovas Witnesses. Its pretty interesting. About ks comment, hey just hang on k-Tims going to come the other side of something and then it will all click for you again. Tell k about the lock metaphor that you live by Tim, then k will get it. When I think of this site that way, I look past occasional - what the fucks.

  15. Tim Boucher Says:

    But I thought you were at least 90% gnostic Tim, ergo ….

    I don’t really see myself that way. Gnosticism is a fun language, but just because I speak it occasionally doesn’t mean I am it. I speak English, but I’m not English.

    The big philosophic-spiritual struggle for me now is reconciling the Judao-christian milieu with the perenial tradition.

    There shouldn’t be any challenge. It’s all exactly the same thing.

    I’ve been a fairly active student of comparative religions for over 20 years now, and at one time could consider myself a biblical scholar.

    Stop studying it and start living it. The Bible is a performance text, a script meant to be acted out.

    subjectivity doesn’t alway synch (nor exclude, for that matter) with the catagorical level of reality. I’m sure you understand that, and struggle with it too.

    I don’t think I know what you mean.

    but there are some who say this is misguided.

    Don’t listen to what these people say: find out for yourself. You have the tools!

    Sorry but Jesus really never went to India, I’m almost certain.

    Make him go to India then!

    Somehow Christianity is unique and a fresh flavor amid the ulimate teachings of the world. It stands alone just on its revolutionary message of Love.

    What about Sufism, Bhakti Yoga, etc?

    Tell k about the lock metaphor that you live by Tim, then k will get it.

    Huh? No, k doesn’t want to hear it. No point.



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