the timboucher experience

All the best people have the worst opinions of themselves. It’s starting to piss me off.

Today I went to Thai Tom both out of spite and as a sort of a celebration of memory. I sat up at the counter and realized that their Thai Iced Coffee tastes almost alcoholic as the cooks all sang along in Thai to the music playing there. I walked out of there feeling drunk and then stumbled around the city trying desperately to find a place to buy game meat. This town doesn’t seem to know shit about elk… although I guess I did find some trinkets at Fred Meyer, of all places. No raw flesh though. Nothing to marinate in its own bloodsexdeath.

Oh and at the counter a woman was seated reading a book entitled “Everywhere That Mary Went.” I believe the next line is, “the Lamb was sure to go…” Would be nice if that could work both ways once in a while, at least.

The mottlings, or speckles, on the blossoms were said to mark where the elves had placed their fingers, and one legend ran that the marks on the Foxglove were a warning sign of the baneful juices secreted by the plant, thus, in Ireland gain the plant is commonly called Dead Man’s Thimbles.

Supposedly it either heals you or kills you depending on what state your heart is in. It’s the first flower I saw when I pulled in front of my house the other night. These types of things seem to follow me around nowadays. It’s as if the things I notice now notice me back.

Both the Who’s Tommy and West Side Story are playing around town. I’m going to try and see both if I can.

There are also lots of huge wet roses here. I have never seen roses in such abundance with such bursting unstoppable inescapable passions. All things in their presence become drunk with it as the roses themselves are drunk with rain. Bees stumble home, bumping into one another and embracing because of it.

I can suddenly taste how dehydrated I am. They haven’t been watering me enough for the past month. My leaves have been wilting. Some lawnmower or skunks or a rogue uncaring juggling club snapped my lavender in two. I have no way of telling whether or not it is blooming now. Are the chives alive? Where do they go when they die? Their nutrients back into the soil, but what about their souls? There is no such division in the Kingdom of Plants, I don’t think. When cats go to sleep they are able to live out one another’s memories. In the Dark Crystal, the gelflings could do this. They called it dreamfasting. You don’t find out till later in the movie that she has wings. I saw them a while back though. They looked like luminous mathematical juggling patterns. They were emanating from her heart.

Here’s the rune reading I just did for this post. I think you should be able to see the same thing as me, but I’m not sure. I’m not signed into that site or anything though, so whatever… I have been experimenting with including divinatory readings as text in these posts lately. Some of it works better than others. I like having all these types of elements mixed in though. It seems (to me) to be extremely compatible with the sort of noographic YouTubery reconstructiony time-bridgey blah blah blah something or other.

The runes in case you can’t see them: Berkana, Aiwaz and Man. The lines I liked from that reading: This rune is a joyous one, representing good outcomes from ventures undertaken. It is the rune of the family and of a good household. Thirdly, horses may symbolize motion towards an objective. As such, this rune suggests a journey or a quest to achieve a goal or improve one’s station in life. As the rune is reversed, this may suggest an incomplete level of spiritual attainment or an intellectual block.

I guess you could say that sort of the point of how I have been writing for a while now - with all these video clips, pictures, words and whatnot - is for you to be able to do the same thing. For you to be able to pull out the relevant lines that describe your life and your struggle to be Fully Alive™. It’s meant to act as sort of a collective reference[+]point™ divination for a self which has been loosely distributed across many bodies and many locations.

Friends tell me they can no longer tell what’s going on with me based on what I write on my site anymore. Which is only fair because I can’t tell what’s going on with me either. Maybe I’m just being more honest about that now, embracing that confusion, becoming comfortable with leaving that empty space there ( )

This is a pretty cool poem about the Berkana rune:

The birch tree puts its roots down
And releases crowns of leaves to the sky
It births the green fire of the forest.
She who sings softly.

I grabbed that from here, which has some other great and much more detailed information about Berkana.

I dreamt this morning I was traveling on a giant spaceship that looked like an old gutted building on a plot of green land, traveling through the vast depths of space. Our ship was full of acrobats, with whom we were going to be performing an acrobatic 1920’s style “gang fight” in the low gravity environment. I remember it being very easy to get into crazy cool fake fight poses. Maybe that’s what she meant about it being a lot of pressure. Gravity. Somebody said something about gravity during the performance that happened Friday night: “Gravity got you down?” I think they said

I’m glad the moon isn’t tilted here, but it’s been hiding from me since I got back. I guess I deserve that but being apart ain’t easy on this love affair.

Prepare for a compressed informational download:

Horse. Twins. Holding Hands. Two Horses Facing Each Other. Ecstasy. Ivy.

It is two twins holding hands, different entities that share a connection that cannot be broken, and can be improved.

Ehwaz can be seen as two Laguz joined (one mirrored to meet the other), many tend to interpret this as the union of male and female, and this is indeed one of its interpretations, however I tend to interpret it as the union of two different traits of water. The destructiveness, and the creative powers within the lake quality of Laguz. Again this echoes the inherent quality of duality that Ehwaz possesses. This is a rune of understanding, understanding how something can appear cruel and kind, be different and yet the same. It is the rune of understanding how one creature can be a dog, the other a man, be different…and yet ultimately be the same.

In a reading, Ehwaz can portend a changing of residence, and the reasons for this will largely depend on the other runes around this one. It also tends to portend an increased focus on partnerships, relationships and the concept of cooperation. The stress is less on the relationship between lovers, but between family, work colleagues and other animals or even objects. Two heads are always better than one, but Ehwaz stresses the necessity for such cooperation. If you are by nature quite happy being alone, Ehwaz will shake this up. Also keep an eye out for general everyday travel issues, a new car perhaps, or a better way of journeying from place to place.

If the querent is asking about a particular relationship, Ehwaz upright suggests that the partnership will be an excellent one, and can even portend marriage. Finally Ehwaz tends to strengthen all the other runes around it and ‘confirm’ any meanings. It is the extra boost of shamanic energy, crystallising the meanings within the other runes.

Ehwaz is an excellent talisman for vets, horse-riders, animal trainers, farmers of stock, breeders etc. It is also a good talisman for those that study animals scientifically.

Hm, that’s weird. Apparently I drew these three runes in the same numerical order they appear naturally. Only the last one is “merked” though, or ill-divined. I don’t know how interesting any of this shit is for other people to read as metaphysical transcripts of my life, but I find it very compelling. If nothing else, maybe you could just think of it as an example of what not to do™… Haha. Get it?

As such Mannaz itself is a god of connecting two opposing points, and then walking that bridge in balance and harmony, to better understand the deeper nature of ourselves and others.

It is the rune of perfection for the musician who seeks to perfect his songs simply to understand their nature, and the nature of the music, and the nature behind why he plays that music. Mannaz is the motivation to understand and balance, to improve until wisdom and maturity is gained. It is the motivation that encourages one to understand the divine within, how and why it manifests. It is also the motivation that gets the deities interacting with the humans.

Ehwaz is the attainment of trance and the ecstatic trance, Mannaz is learning how to live life in harmony with these other awarenesses. The shaman, the witch, the accomplished druid, Buddhist or Pastor is thought to live non-ordinary lives. They learn how to do this by bridging gaps within themselves that others may never bridge. Mannaz is the force that encourages this bridging. Mannaz tells you to stomp on the bridge, check how strong it is, and add reinforcements if necessary.

Mannaz also aids us in finding our own latent talents and abilities, the things which we can do which help us connect to the divine. Once found, these abilities keep us very human, whilst allowing us to connect with a divinity which we often forget exists. In a reading the presence of Mannaz can represent the appearance of divine aid, or human aid, and the increase of cooperation by all parties, or significant parties. if combined with Berkana, mothering and nurturing relationships will improve…

Mannaz reversed or Merked can also represent depression as people forget their connections to the divine or stop working with and nurturing the abilities that help them to grow. It is an inner and outer blindness, and a constant awareness of one’s mortality and the delusion that one is ‘bad’, ‘evil’, ‘no good’.

Funny how that last line connects back with the first line of this post: All the best people have the worst opinions of themselves. It’s starting to piss me off. I mean, it’s not that it pisses me off so much as it is - like I said before I left - that I understand sometimes people just aren’t finished with their guitar solos. My timing whenever we juggled together was always too fast too. She always had to slow me down.

Before I jumped I wrote about how I had to prove that I could fly without a net in order to join the circus. Todd (possibly an evil counter-magician) linked my post and comments to the following news story which happened the day I moved down there:

MONTEBELLO, California. (AP) — A circus performer fell about 40 feet to his death during a performance in Southern California, authorities said.

The 35-year-old trapeze artist died Monday night, said Sgt. Jacqueline Gonzalez of the Los Angeles County Police Department. The man was performing with Circus Vasquez, a troupe that had traveled to California from Mexico for the show at the Whittier Narrows Recreation Area in unincorporated Los Angeles County, Gonzalez said.

His name was being withheld pending family notification.

Authorities said the man was performing without a net when he fell.

Los Angeles County firefighters happened to be at the show to monitor the next performance, which involved fire, Gonzalez said. The firefighters responded, but the man died at the scene, she said.

At the risk of fluffing this article up with two many quotes, I also like this commentary on the story found elsewhere:

Well, when you work in a profession that is as dangerous as is flying through the air freestyle, at heights above twenty feet, you shouldn’t be surprised when the day arrives where you discover that you’re only human. Humans make mistakes, humans can’t fly and we can’t survive much of a bounce. However, we are intelligent enough to design and use protection devices which will keep our fragile human bodies alive when mistakes, equipment malfunctions and other unforeseen obstacles alter the course we mistakenly assume is available.

If we choose not to insure our own safety by the utilization of available safety devices, then our fate is left to the mercy of the elements surrounding our altered course. Hence, we are the ones responsible for the results of our decisions, whether good or bad. Here a choice was made to perform aerobatic stunts, without the fall protection provided by using safety nets. Making the decision not to use them, leaves only two possible outcomes available for the actions planned. Either the stunt can go correctly, as planned, or you can meet death.

But anyway, I was just going to say that it’s a good thing I remembered I was also wearing a parachute. Because otherwise I would be toast right now.

Oh and one more thing: here’s a(nother) subconscious coded message for you.

This Is Scary Accurate - Don’t Visit This Site If You’re Frightened Easily.

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