I bought a pen today after lunch which actually said that on the back of the package: Glide Into The Future Of Writing. So goddamned ridiculous.

Anyway, they’re coming along hot and heavy now: communications from the unconscious. Now that I have got things into a framework that is both usable and which has allowed me to uncover truths I wasn’t willing to face, that is. The energy which I was using to keep certain things at bay has now been freed up and is recycled into the stream of communication.

Getting into all this “anima” stuff these past few days has allowed me direct access to that exact figure within my own psyche. And what I found out last night is that it is not one single figure, but at least four distinct ones. Right now, anyway.

I had two dreams, parts of which I am willing to share publicly and parts of which I am intentionally obscuring because, well, because. I have made up names for each of these four parts based on a variety of personal factors which needn’t be disclosed as they are irrelevant to the task at hand:

In the first dream, I am sitting in a band class again, possibly in highschool. I am playing the tenor saxophone which I played between I guess 3rd grade and 9th grade? The reed in my mouthpiece is badly broken and though I’m trying my damnedest not to, most of the sounds I am getting out are awful squawks and squeaks, almost like some wounded bird. I remember exactly and distinctly the embarrassment just this situation used to cause me as a kid: when you knew the music but couldn’t adequately play along because your instrument had some problem.

A girl flute player, referred to in my dream as “The Round-Nosed Girl” took pity on me in some way I no longer remember. She said something about playing the flute and when she did the word “flute” came out just like the sound a flute makes, “FFFFFFLLUUTE!” And there was also some kind of underlying sexual connotation to the whole thing as well.

Doing some inner imaging exercises on elements from this dream brought up the cluster of keyword-images:

SQUEAKY BROKEN REED:

- Half sunrise
- Horses (chariot, Helios, steed)
- Mouth, expression, shame (at being unable to play along with music)

ROUND-NOSED FLUTE GIRL:

- Pandora
- White “V” shaped arrow pointing left

The dream to me seems to indicate a recognition of an inability to express (broken reed) some fundamental part of my identity: the part which allows me to “play along with the music harmoniously.” The girl (Harmonia - another name of that goddess is, incidentally, Hermione) is the correction to this: she is so in tune with her expressive instrument that she literally speaks through it and it speaks through her. They are united as one (perhaps in a way similar to Orpheus and his lyre). The underlying sexual element, I think, is the drive to be united and creative with this suppressed element of myself.

Still working on what the symbol-image responses are all about. I imagine they will come back around in the next dream cycle.

The next dream is a bit more elaborate, but definitely relates to and elaborates on this basic theme of conflict/disharmony with the anima.

I am visiting some kind of art or photography studio wherein an elaborate photo shoot of Ophelia has taken place. Photos of her hang everywhere, drying. I walk through the studio slowly studying each picture, marveling at the great transcendent beauty and versatility of Ophelia in these photos. I feel like I am seeing a side of her I never even was aware of and that makes me feel sort of ashamed for having missed it up till now and having needed some outside force (photographer) to reveal it. There may also be some element of jealousy in all this, but I don’t get quite why - possibly something to do with the photo shoot being for a documentary on “The History Channel”.

Ophelia turns then into Cadme at some point, who in the past defined herself as my “beside helper” [*PKD] in another dream weeks ago. I don’t remember what Cadme and I talked about, but she is dressed in a costume which to me was very noteworthy: a purple velvet form-fitting and very old-fashioned looking suit with a large collar, and white bow across the throat with buttons descending down the front. She looks not unlike how Axl Rose is dressed during the wedding scene in November Rain:

More important than that even though (or equally important) is that the outfit she is wearing is almost a direct hit on a picture I found yesterday and posted earlier:

Back to that in a bit though.

Cadme disappears and I find myself in a room with Ophelia’s mother, Mrs. Robinson. Mrs. Robinson is “trying to seduce me”

She at one point tells me to “Look into my eyes.” I try to resist but then eventually give in and am trapped in her powerful gaze. She looks back at me with such depth and intensity and says, “Do you know what you do to my blood?”

I shake my head no, gulping.

She says, “I am withal” (by which she means that she has just gotten pregnant simply by my staring into her eyes). She leads me into a room adjoining Ophelia’s to consummate it with the physical act (of which I am very embarrassed about, especially since Ophelia is in the next room and there’s no door). The voice of Cadme appears within me and says, “Walk away.” Which I do before anything else happens. Mrs. Robinson immediately morphs into a fifth woman and the scene dissolves and I wake up.

Interestingly, I’ve never seen the Graduate, but chose that name because of the relationships of the characters in this drama and because I have been inundating myself with Simon & Garfunkel the past three or four days. I had no idea that virtually the exact same story is told in that movie as well. This is a great example of how Jung talks about these essential archetypal dramas coming out across times and cultures and individuals in various ways.

Results of inner imaging exercises around thematic elements in this dream:

OPHELIA’S PHOTO SHOOT:

- Courage embodiment cancellation

I got exactly those three words instead of images. Which I took to mean: have the courage to end the need for the physical embodiment of your anima, withdraw the projections into yourself. The many images of Ophelia represent the many guises which the anima has taken throughout my life, and possibly all of history (History Channel).

CADME PURPLE VELVET SUIT:

- Austin Powers, “shagadelic”
- Rock stars
- The image of a dark bridge over a dark expanse

The last of which I translated into the “Leap of Faith” scene near the end of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Also the phrase “You will not fall” which came up in my writing yesterday or the day before. Also the idea that “light veils not reveals”. That is, that light clothes things (puts costumes on them) and gives form to their shape. The Austin Powers thing I think relates to the “powers” of the creative generative female side, with which I must be united (shagadelic).

And the whole bit with Mrs. Robinson calls to mind this description of a Tarot card for the Lovers, created by illustrator Robert Place:

The young knight in the center of the the Lovers card must choose between two lovers, a woman wearing a crown of laurel, representing virtue, and a woman wearing a crown of flowers, representing sensuality. The whippet that leads the way symbolizes fidelity. The knight is the hero of the story told in the trumps and he always chooses virtue so that the story may continue to the next level.

But the whole thing about becoming pregnant by only a look calls to mind all the imagery of the Annunciation which I have been posting, as well as the Immaculate Conception. It all indicates to me that the union of myself with this figure must be a spiritual and not a physical union (hence my beside-helper’s instructions to “walk away” before mere Temptation turned into Mortal Sin).

Or that’s my take on it anyway. Not sure how interesting all this analysis is to anyone else, but I feel like I must do it in this public forum because it is my laboratory, my workshop, my alchemical crucible, my stage through which I must work through the reunion of these creative principles in the Building of My Self™ and so forth. Hopefully if nothing else it will inspire people with the tools to undertake this process themselves.

One other item I wanted to graft into this conversation: been very interested in the idea of “chastity” lately and have been pondering a bit what the difference between chastity and celibacy are. Anybody want to take a stab at that? Found a good quote from Edward Edinger’s Ego And Archetype earlier, which goes through the Beatitudes as a template for development of the Self, or Individuation. Two of them in particular leapt out at me as I feel they relate closely to what I have been going through:

Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted.

Mourning is caused by the loss of an object or person who was carrying an important projected value [courage: embodiment cancellation]. In order to withdraw projections and assimilate their content into one’s own personality it is necessary to experience the loss of the projection as a prelude to rediscovering the content or value within. Therefore, mourners are fortunate because they are involved in a growth process. They will be comforted when the lost projected value has been recovered within the psyche.

…

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

Purity or cleanness can signify subjectively a state of the ego which is free from contamination (by identification) with unconscious contents or motivations. That which is conscious is clean and clear. The ego which is conscious of its own dirt is pure, and the way is open to it to experience the Self.

Anyway, here are the latest burst of images to accompany all this madness. I realize part of what I am doing with these images is trying to say, “Here, did you mean this? What about this?” to my subconscious mind. Then I have to sit and wait for a response. Invariably it will pick up one of the props I left for it and start playing with it in an effort to communicate with me creatively.

I’ve also noticed the change over the past few days so that my subconscious can now speak directly with both short word phrases as well as images. I think this is probably a positive development.

i am withal