Radiating Waves During This Period

I’d like to offer the formal prediction that within a short period of time (6 months to maybe 2 years max.) that “going crazy” will be the new fad as people becoming increasingly unable to distinguish (thanks to technology and general human psychological trends) between what’s real and what’s not, what’s inside you and what’s outside. Your friend will ask you, “Oh what’s Joe up to these days?”

“Oh, he’s going crazy right now.”

“Nice! I remember back when I went crazy. It was really wild. I think I might do it again sometime.”

There’s a quote in this Edinger book where he says, “With each new increment of consciousness, conflict comes too. That is how a new piece of consciousness announces its presence - by conflict.”

Which I take to mean that I must be in the midst of unearthing a tremendously large island of consciousness right now. Something on the scale of discovering a fairly well-preserved and somehow totally unknown lost civilization. Atlantis. Lemuria. Some kind of shit settled by space aliens and then summarily destroyed by the gods.

Edinger also says, “Temporal sequence and causality do not apply in dreams. When a dream has several scenes they can usually be best understood as varying ways to describe the same central idea. In other words the stream of images in dreams circumambulates certain nodal centers rather than proceeding in a straight line as does rational thinking.”

I wonder sometimes whether all the writing I do enables me to be less crazy, or only supports my naturally obsessive tendencies. But then, that’s exactly the kind of thing someone who has naturally obsessive tendencies WOULD tend to obsess about. That’s just how it goes, I guess. Round and round in circles. Or what did he say? “Circumambulates certain nodal centers.” That must be one of my “nodal centers.”

Getting back into a lot of Jung after several years has been, I think, entirely positive for me - if a little disheartening in some way. It has had kind of a double-edged effect. It has acted as sort of like a great big sponge for me to use to sop up a lot of areas which had become completely flooded with what can be described in that system as “unconscious content.” And for that reason, it has been a little bit like dredging a swamp and reclaiming the land to plant new crops in. At least I hope I am planting new crops right now. It may be the wrong season for it, but it has to be done or the land will revert back to how it was. Which part of me is tempted to let it do, because - like I said - there’s something terribly fun about being close to flooded with “archetypal content.” It makes every moment an adventure. Is this the day I’m going to snap? Has it finally happened? You end up crying a lot - or at least I did; I have. Before a couple years ago I don’t remember really crying all that often. But over the course of this year it’s just like, fuck, I can pretty much call it up on command - or more often not on command. Just a word or an image will send it over the edge. Which I think is ultimately good because I’m much more connected to and appreciative of all that swirly emotional mumbo-jumbo than I ever was before.

And I’m a lot more conscious of beauty than I ever was before. I find my heart moved by beauty on a regular basis. I think that’s the best thing I got out of “going crazy.” Beauty, I think is a good goal. Probably better than happiness. Because Beauty is a universal Truth. It’s Platonic. Happiness is an emotional state. Joy, on the other hand, is something totally different. Joy - as I have gone into elsewhere - is the soul’s response to the Truth of Love transmitted through our standing wave form of reality by way of the angelos of Beauty.

Or some shit. I don’t really know. I’m making this all up as I go along. I pretend like I’m not, but I am. Am I doing a good job of hiding it? Probably not. The popsicle I ate today in the backyard had the following prophetic joke on it: “Why was the glass so bad at fooling people? - Because everyone could see right through him.” I mean that’s not even a joke. Or if it is, then it’s certainly not funny. It’s just a statement. It’s like saying, “The sky is blue” and then having people crack up. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe simple reality should actually send us into fits of laughter like that. Holy shit, the sky IS blue! That’s so awesome.

I found an Oscar Wilde quote today that goes, “There is only one thing worse than not getting what you want, and that is getting it.” This is essentially the same advice my Leonard gave me before I left Seattle the first time. It’s goddamned good advice. You reach a certain point in life where you are finally able to muster the willpower to make reality do your bidding (to some degree). By that point you better be damned sure that you have a good strong imagination given flight by the wings of the heart: because you’ll soon after be confronted with the reality you have just actualized (by way of tuning the moon and shifting laterally through dimensions, etc). While you’re doing all that though, you sure feel powerful. You sure feel like nothing can stop you from getting what you want. And then the thing that stops you from getting what you want is actually getting it. The goal becomes its own termination point and you have nothing to strive for, and then you begin to strive against actual reality. It’s fucking stupid really. One of those convoluted but perfectly obvious life lessons you can only grasp by actually doing it yourself and having your ass handed back to you on a platter.

I sure feel like I’ve been a whiny bitch lately. Actually, for a while now. But it’s like I said at the beginning of this with that Edinger quote: whenever some new island surfaces out of the depths of you, it’s going to be fucking chaotic. Because, for whatever you’ve lost, you’ve gained tenfold if not a lot more. At that point measurement becomes completely irrelevant because you’re operating on scales and scopes which defy comparison. So where am I headed now? Oddly enough, in the midst of all my trials and projections of my own problems and failings onto other people, I am actually overwhelmed with gratitude. I mean, not like my heart is bubbling over for getting my ass kicked, but it will be later - I know that much of the truth at least.

What I am thinking about now is: how do I give back what has been given to me? I am recognizing at long last that within myself and my life have been given extraordinary gifts which I have been up till now both arrogantly possessive of as well as rather terrified to use and fully express into outward reality. I feel like I may need to rapidly draw the monastic inner exploration in the forests of my own heart and mind period to a close and go out and actualize changes within reality. And not of a personal nature, but of the kind where I empty myself out completely. Because when you are given gifts, you simply must give them. That is the nature of gifts: they are given so that they may in turn be given. The vehicle through which they are to be given then becomes the question. This website has been wonderful for me to explore those questions and to begin to develop those gifts. And while I will always continue it on some level, a castle must at some point be built in the real world. Castles in the sky and in dreams are wonderful, but impractical. They may become the model and the ideal for what I build in the world, but they can’t be it. The king must at some point take his throne. He can’t endlessly dither in the forests chasing strange beasts, as pleasurable and delirious as that may be.

So I am extending a formal invitation to engage me in a creative exploration of what my options are at this point. Dream up as entertaining, fulfilling and wildly (in)appropriate fantasies about what you would do next in life were you me. Hint: you are me, so just tell me what you want to do but put my name in front of it, and then if one of us can do it and build the castle for everybody else to come hang out it, well then we all win.

Even if we are all, by that point, stark raving insane.