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Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it
The Grateful Dead
My translation of the Hagakure begins with a particularly strong statement about the purpose of the Samurai way of life:
The Way of the Samurai is found in death. When it comes to either/or, there is only the quick choice of death. It is not particularly difficult. Be determined and advance. To say that dying without reaching one’s aim is to die a dog’s death is the frivolous way of sophisticates. When pressed with the choice of life or death, it is not necessary to gain one’s aim.
We all want to live. And in large part we make our logic according to what we like. But not having attained our aim and continuing to live is cowardice. This is a thing dangerous line. To die without gaining one’s aim is a dog’s death and fanaticism. But there is no shame in this. This is the substance of the Way of the Samurai. If by setting one’s heart right every morning and evening, one is able to live as though his whole body were already dead he gains freedom in the Way. His whole life will be without blame, and he will succeed in his calling.
This seems to be a recurring theme in the Eastern philosophical selections in which I am immersing myself lately. Krishna speaks in the Bhagavad Gita at great length about sacrificing the fruits of one’s actions and I’m fairly certain similar themes pop up throughout the Tao Te Ching. In fact, reading these texts has given me a better more complete understanding of the Gospels and of the teachings of Jesus in general. Jesus practiced the Way of the Samurai. His sword was his word.
In addition to all the other changes which have overtaken me these past two weeks, one which I never expected has fallen upon me: I have become prepared for my own death. Not in a morbid way. And not in a way that I seek to take my own life. But in such a way that I have completely given up living for myself. As such, my focus now lies on those around me and on the gifts we give one another through the moments of living which we share. Any idea of secrets have fallen away. Any notion of shame or embarrassment too; for these things only arise when you are living for yourself. You exert tremendous energy walling yourself off from other people. It causes great stress and anxiety, and for what? To find out that everyone else is going through exactly the same turmoils and tribulations as you? A secret life is not living.
Not that I want people around e 24/7 by any means; I still enjoy quiet winding down times by myself. But I am no longer the center of my universe. And as such, I have become prepared for and perhaps well-acquainted with my own death. Tsunetomo writes in Hagakure:
The way of revenge lies in simply forcing one’s way into a place and being cut down. There is no shame in this. By thinking that you must complete the job you will run out of time. By considering things like how many men the enemy has, time piles up; in the end you will give up.
No matter if the enemy has thousands of men, there is fulfillment in simply standing them off and being determined to cut them all down, starting from one end. You will finish the greater part of it…
Even if it seems certain that you will lose, retaliate. Neither wisdom nor technique has a place in this. A real man does not think of victory or defeat. He plunges recklessly towards an irrational death. By doing this, you will awaken from your dreams.
In the event of my irrational death, I have made notes in one of my small black notebooks about who to contact, how my belongings should be divided up, and what to do with my website. I was, for a few days, loathe to undertake this task, thinking it better not to invoke the taboo of death against myself. But in so doing I have gained a peace and acceptance with things as they are. If they stop here, then I will have had no regrets whatsoever. If they continue to move forward, I will continue to celebrate each moment to its absolute fullest and will share that celebration with those around me.
August 9th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
I have been going through somthing similar. But little worms work there way back into my memory banks. But when I came to gnosticism after a stint with being nihilist, I realized this was true.
But I can truly say, I am not afraid to die and the other thing is I don’t care if i ever become rich.
those are the main ways people can be controlled, fear and greed.
I only have one life to give though. So I want to make it count. It’s not somthing to throw away. So that goes back to finding out what you said earlier, What works best, what is the best possible?
What do you think about having a wife and kids though? compatible with samuri life?
August 9th, 2007 at 5:15 pm
the issue of the wife and kids is that you have a responsibility to them. your death wouldn`t be understood by them in the same way it would for you for a number of pretty straightforward reasons.
unless they are samuri also.
which would have it`s own problems.
i am in a seperation battle with my ex over money and custody of the children. she has refused to amicably settle so i am forced to persue the issue through the courts.
what would a samuri do?
i will not put my thoughts in this regard into writing.
August 9th, 2007 at 5:18 pm
The apostle Paul talked about this.
August 9th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
“the issue of the wife and kids is that you have a responsibility to them. your death wouldn`t be understood by them in the same way it would for you for a number of pretty straightforward reasons.”
I’ve felt similar things. I feel like I can accept the inevitability of death…well, my own, anyway. Not the method perhaps (but who knows?) Maybe that moment of death is lick flicking a switch, and before you know it, you’ve already chosen.
the space between the tightest space you can imagine, is what I’m thinking.
But the aspect of children and/or a wife throws it for me a bit. it’s frustrating.
Some days I feel like a willfully tricky fish, able to wiggle and squirm through the current of everyday reality, unchecked and unseen….
…and other days I feel like a block of cement tied to a sunken rowboat filled with iron ore, lamenting on the floor of the crappy creek that the current of reality flows over.
August 9th, 2007 at 6:59 pm
A thought on weight gain and state of mind. In my experience, the more my mind is troubled the more that my hunger weighs on me. I think this is two fold,
first, there is the obvious case of food helping to cover for discomfort (comfort food)
and second, the brain runs on pure glucose, so if we are stuck in thought loops, anxiety, panic or any such runaway brain activity, the brain is burning alot of sugar and starts to give off self preservation signals, demanding more food, especially simple carbs. For me, I crave coke (the cola type) and white flower baked goods.
The second part is just my theory.
August 9th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
I find that when my brain is functioning in peak states I am not hungry at all.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
I can’t say that I am not hungry at all in peak state, but my hunger is much reduced and any cravings are easily convinced to disappear.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:38 pm
Tim: have you now made solar plexus driven breathing a habit, 100% of the time. Or do you still forget to do it at times?
August 9th, 2007 at 9:02 pm
No I have not even come close to being able to do that all the time. I need a lot more practice, but I have memorized most of the $Gettysburg address.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:12 pm
I think that the reason we are not divided 50/50 into right and left handedness is that it is not good for busyness standardization.
August 9th, 2007 at 10:58 pm
Julia:
I keep thinking of this and chuckling, thanks, so true.
Also, caught your “4 minutes ” reply and responded.
August 10th, 2007 at 8:23 am
What if you have to die to your Samurai nature to fulfill your responsibilities to your family? What if you live like a dog, die every day, be a fanatic about your family, raising your kids and taking care of elderly family members instead of living and dying valorously in combat or confrontation? Were you living like a Samurai to die every day but keep on living?
jwx; it’s pretty powerful to be able to create an empty spot in a stranger by asking a common question.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:00 am
Julia,
What I think it is is that if you have a wife and kids, there is basically one barave thing you can do and that is provide for and protect your family.
It does tie you to the world though. You can’t just walk away from a job you don’t like, or run off fighting for some cause and get killed. I mean, you can but its harder. That is my thought on it.
I am thinking about this becaise I am divorced and have no kids and am wondering If I ever want to get married again and have kids.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:45 am
in peak states i forget to eat also, but the athlete/warrior needs to eat to function in that capacity.
the artist/monk can subsist physically and still function. in fact it seems as if lowering food intake enhances those functions.
as i age the will to athleticism will wane and so maybe then i can focus on the artistic/spiritual dimension more comprehensively. but for now, the battle must be enjoined.
regarding marriage and children after divorce. as a man we don`t make that decision. the woman does. when you meet her, you will both know.
August 10th, 2007 at 10:57 am
When I was studying up on Shakespeare, I learned that all those “’struth”s and “’sblood”s were shortened versions of “God’s truth” and “God’s blood”. And, these words being in Shakespeare, they were right by the word “sword”. No apostrophe, but maybe there was at some time. His sword was his word, and a sword is his word? I’m not even an amateur linguist, so it could just be a coincidence. But this really struck me.
August 10th, 2007 at 1:17 pm
I think that’s the best honoring of Murphy’s Law one can undertake. You’re immortal now.
August 10th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Well, Tsunemoto’s Hagakure is all about being a retainer and serving your lord to the fullest extent possible and focusing every instant of your entire life around it. So I don’t have anything to say about marriage, but it’s not irrelevant to his subject matter.