From Daniel Pinchbeck, who I had the pleasure of seeing speak in person last night…

For the last few years, I have been exploring the nature of sexuality, love, and relationships, both personally and philosophically. When I separated from my last partner, I realized that I did not feel that monogamy was working for me as a model. Yet I also knew that I craved long-lasting, deep, and sustainable relationships. Since then, I have sought to reconcile my conflicting yearnings, and wondered if other models of relationships are possible or desirable.

My main problem with what he is saying here is this: relationships can’t and shouldn’t be boiled down to ‘models’. So you don’t like having one girlfriend - great! A lot of people don’t. The thing I find aggravating about this is that he seems to be trying to justify his actions intellectually it by talking about “levels of consciousness” when it needn’t be as complicated as that.

I do think Daniel is adding value to our collective conversations by bringing these issues to light through an honest and public exploration of his own inner being. And speaking from experience, I understand the bravery required to expose yourself to this kind of “emotional danger” and have to deal with all the responses that come up: but then, that is the life of a teacher isn’t it - you must make an example of your self and of your own heart?

I also, personally, think that monogamy is a beautiful expression of human relationships. Is it complicated, difficult, awful even sometimes? Totally - but that’s part of what makes it so awesome and meaningful and important: you have to continually be mastering yourself in order to make it work. It is not easy. If you want easy, just go watch tv until you die. That is exactly what I like so much about monogamous relationships: they challenge us to become who we could be, rather than linger on making up reasons why we need to stay who we are or once were.

But then, maybe that’s just a statement about where I am at personally, as opposed to a Universal Truth. All we can be, ultimately, is sounding boards for one another while we support each other in figuring our own shit out as best as possible. I do, however, believe strongly that Truth exists, and that it is the purpose of human life to seek it unequivocally and live in the joy which it can open up in your life. Happiness is not just the natural state of “aboriginals” as Daniel says in that article, but all people everywhere - no matter what kind of relationships they choose to engage in.