I recently called Bank of America in order to sort out a technical issue: I wanted to forward them a fake spam/phishing email I got, so that their tech people could keep track of it and - theoretically - protect the security of mine and other people’s accounts with them.

What I found was a very negative customer service experience which I feel is important enough to share publicly. I’m certain that, as a giant corporation, they keep regular track of how their brand image is being framed online through word of mouth. I’ve even spoken with companies who perform these types of services on behalf of major corporate clients. So I’m aware of how important it is for companies to maintain a certain perception among customers and potential customers as to what their brand, company and services are all about.

First off, I was already on edge to receive a fake email associated with a financial account. Is my account secure? It’s a reasonable question as a customer (and one which financial institutions benefit from keeping people anxious about, honestly). I couldn’t find the address to forward them the information I needed to send them, so I found a phone number and fired up my Skype phone.

A computerized voice welcomed me to Bank of America’s automated phone system, which presumably was set up for my convenience. Instead of giving me options to navigate through the phone tree, the first thing the robot said was:

“Please say or enter your full nine digit Social Security Number.”

“No,” I responded.

“Please say or enter your full nine digit Social Security Number.”

“No,” I repeated.

“Please say or enter your full nine digit Social Security Number.”

“No, I am not going to do that.”

This game continued for a few minutes a my ire rose, until I finally just hit zero. The gatekeeper would not let me pass until I showed him my papers. I refused, entered zero on the keypad and was then shuffled off to another directory which also tried to get me to enter my *full* SSN. I immediately punched zero and waited.

“Your call is important to us… blah blah blah… please spend three minutes listening to advertisements.”

Okay, that’s not verbatim. They said something about “call volume” but it occurred to me the real reason corporations never connect you to a real person right away: you are a captive audience. You require human interaction with them, have intention of furthering your communications, and therefore they know they can advertise to you further services which - if they are lucky - will allow them to make more money from you. Were all their operators really busy? Seems doubtful when viewed in that light.

I finally did get through to a real live human customer service rep who was very pleasant and gave me the proper email address to forward these things to (abuse@bankofamerica.com). She immediately tried to shuffle me off the phone, but I wasn’t ready to hang up until I expressed myself as a customer.

“I don’t understand,” I said, “why Bank of America requires me to enter my full SSN when other banks only require the last four digits.”

“It’s for identity verification purposes, sir.”

“I understand that,” I explained. “But I’m never going to give that full number over unsecured phone lines.”

“Well, your Social Security Number is a matter of public record.”

That was her response. It effectively shut me down because I didn’t know how to respond. Because it’s nonsense, I realized later on. If my Social Security Number is a matter of public record, then it is literally useless for verifying my identity over the phone. Anyone could use it at any time. It has nothing to do with me.

What purpose then could asking me to give it to them actually have? Either they are very stupid and simply do not understand technological security, privacy and identity management issues - which I just cannot accept as being the explanation, since they are a humongous and well-funded corporation. Or, there is something else to it.

What that “something else” may be is of course speculation. No way to prove it. But the take-away message seems to be that you must habituate yourself to taking orders from robots who identify you only by and interact with you only as a number, and ignore not only your humanity, but simple logic which is the bedrock of what makes us more than animals.

Bank of America: prove me wrong. Show me what you are really doing, if not that. Protect your brand by unveiling the Truth!