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Real Life Acting Tip #4: Speak Your Mind
In comic books and shit people have telepathy and lots of other cool powers. In real life, they don’t. And even if they did, people shouldn’t have to read your mind. It’s rude to make them try. You should be able to just be clear and direct about what it is you mean. Tell me this: what advantage have you ever acquired in real life (not in comic book land) by not saying what you mean? I can’t think of a single time this has ever helped me at all. All it has ever done has helped buttress my fears and cripple my ability to recognize and express my own needs.
So just say what you mean and be direct when you want something from someone. Then, at least, they can make an informed decision as to how to respond instead of guessing what the hell you are really all about.
- Real Life Acting Tip #5: Dress The Part
- Real Life Acting Tip #2: Picking Fruit
- Real Life Acting Tip #6: Decision-Making
- Real Life Acting Tip #7: Once More With Feeling
- Real Life Acting Tip #1: Meeting People
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- Next: Mutual Hype Alliances
September 26th, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Amen. SOO important. More than anything with the people you are close to, because so many times you think they are seeing things how you are, when they are somewhere else entirely. Lots of people get burned this way, I see it happen again and again.
September 26th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Yeah, I have fucked this up so many times in the past that I am being extra careful to be up front and 100% clear with people: sometimes to the point of risking coming off as “harsh.” I’d rather people think I was harsh or blunt though and *know what I mean and why* then be seen as polite and not actually be having authentic communication with people.
September 27th, 2007 at 1:57 am
Tim! It’s been awhile since I’ve been here, but I’ve been doing a lot of similar discovery-work in a bit of a parallel experience. It’s actually refreshing to come back here and find progress that meshes well with my own, but also offers me a lot of new things to think about in my own epic. Same Wavelengths perhaps…
On mind readers and “faking it”: When I was younger, I used to think people could read my mind. I used to be really paranoid about that. I got over it eventually, but recently a conversation with one of my best friends in a cafe made me remember that era, and we realized that probably lots of people think that, since thoughts can be so LOUD sometimes. I’ve come to understand that a lot of people feel like their faking their way through life/careers/love/etc, and that somehow someone is going to hear them… The awareness of that consideration is potentially monumental, particularly if someone thinks they’re the only one…
On making up people instead of knowing them: One of my favorite Indie films is Me and You and Everyone We Know, because it definitely focuses on the “projections” that individuals put on other people, creating these fictional characters on top of the truly naturally-interesting and engaging characters within their lives, separating themselves in order to create these fantasies, but forgetting what real human interaction and experience is really like, and just how great it is. In fact, better and without the suffering. The movie, in its beautiful awkwardness, speaks volumes about the difference between hoping/praying/longing/wishing/pretending/self-sacrificing and being clear and direct, as well as expressive and creative.
Have you heard of it?
September 27th, 2007 at 3:25 am
No, I haven’t, but it sounds totally awesome. Talk about parallel lines indeed!
September 27th, 2007 at 10:03 am
I find it extremely frustrating when my significant other does this. I want him to be straightforward and talk in specific rather than vague terms, but often he doesn’t which leads to more drama and long-winded entangled conversations after the fact. Of course I think we all do this to some degree or another, so I am not immune either. But I definitely don’t make as many assumptions and projections as I used to. When I was younger, I used to do it a lot; it saved me from having to be sociable, vulnerable, and going through the trouble of really getting to know a person. Now I try to make an effort to be upfront when I speak and not assume that the other person knows automatically what I mean. Which yes, does make me come off overly blunt at times, but the benefits are worth it.
Also, I love that movie. Miranda July does lovely work.
September 27th, 2007 at 7:03 pm
Tim, good points. The funny thing about “harshness” is how when the truth comes out, in the long term it is always better for the other person, in addition to myself, insofar as it ends up empowering them in the end. I’m working to commit to this to my daily life, because I do tend to “spin” things, which can create havoc even though I’m not really outright being false.