You know what I should get? I should get one of those “LIVE HELP IS NOW ON” buttons for my site.

Try it at WORK especially!

After going through the process to write my comment I realized that a couple of the things that had been worrying me the most at work lately were worrying me because I wanted those things to be different than they actually were. I might be able to stop tormenting my coworker/e-mail buddy now.

Why won’t worry work?

May also pay to write this down on a card and keep it in a wallet: your WORRY TRUTH DECODER equation thingy. Then you can see it in action! Try it at WORK especially!

It sounds like you equate worrying with caring.

Yeah, you’re right about that.

Your sincerity and energy will be what sets you apart.”

That’s why I’m here. I kind of assume that goes without saying. I hope you don’t feel like I’m trying to dim your light here. From my point of view I’m trying to do something I do pretty often, if not always well, which is worry about monsters in people’s closets.

When you worry for someone, you’re trying to control what is happening to them on some level.

You’re right but I never see it that way when I’m doing it. I usually see it when other people do it to me though. My mental programming goes; not worried=don’t care=drop dead=enemy? or worried=cares=live long + prosper=my army/brothers in arms!
I never go through this process consciously but it’s there.

I got worried for you when I read some of what you wrote in your previous phase and I get worried now.

No offense, but it sounds like you worry too much. It sounds like you equate worrying with caring. You can care for people without worrying! You can love without suffering! These things are not prerequesites.

When you worry for someone, you’re trying to control what is happening to them on some level. It may be in their best interests, sure… but it’s still attempting to control things which Epictetus would say are outside the sphere of your moral purpose.

Your sincerity and energy is what could be used against you.

That’s not a remotely productive or positive world-view to hold. There is literally no reason other than your own perceptions and emotional habits that you couldn’t turn that exact sentiment around and say:

“Your sincerity and energy will be what sets you apart.”

See how much better that is? I’m not just talking platitudes here either. This isn’t just so you can sit around and re-phrase things and pretend like everything feels better. I am demonstrating techniques by which you can literally reformulate your experience of your life, which is governed by perceptions and self-destructive or inefficient habits.

That’s what the “Real Life Acting Tips” series is really all about!

Why would that be “wrong” specifically?

It’s not wrong but most people who start off conversations this way are con men and the make up of groups they create consists of victims and other victimizers. I know you aren’t it that category but I know you from your writing. I admit to being limited to my perceptions of the world and the people in it by my experiences. I got worried for you when I read some of what you wrote in your previous phase and I get worried now. Your sincerity and energy is what could be used against you.

If I were to come upon this site having never been here before I’d see the scene that reads ” ‘enlightened’ man gives advice, starts bank, asks for money (and other things) “.

And so what if that *is* the case? Why would that be “wrong” specifically? Whose perceptions are we talking about and whose actions are limited or expanded by it?

Not to pick on you guys, but one of the things I have noticed from four+ years of working on this site: every time I undertake a big change in my life and make its effects public, people *always* resist me on it. Every single time. The best explanation I can come up with for it is that when you change, you upset other people’s perceptions of who and what you are. And for most people, our images of ourselves are supported by the perceptions and/or illusions which we maintain about other people. So when other people change, we feel threatened by it because it makes us feel like we have to change and we don’t want to or we’re not ready to, and we resent the person changing for putting us back into the position of having to face ourselves and our own illusions.

Not to put all of that on you guys, though. I certainly value you as people, but I always have to temper what other people give me as feedback with that knowledge, gained from much experience in publicly communicating as well as changing.

Hopefully that clarifies my own perspective a little bit!

I don’t think I’ve been saying that acting IS everything… but I do think everything is acting

I totally get what Speedbird is worried about. We know where you’re coming from because we’ve been here for a while and we know the context, the act the play is in. If I were to come upon this site having never been here before I’d see the scene that reads ” ‘enlightened’ man gives advice, starts bank, asks for money (and other things) “.

From my perspective (working w/ Federal prisoners) and I’m guessing Speedbird’s too this is a recipe for disaster. He’s just poking around trying to make sure there’s no room for the disaster ingredents.

You’re advice is execellent and because you’re speaking from experience it’s sincere and helpful. But, some people have come to the point in their lives where they reflexively kick the tires of advice givers and the more sincere the harder we kick. It’s because we care that we accuse you stuff you never even thought about.

This, I think, is what I’ve been worried about: acting isn’t everything.

Okay, but I don’t think I’ve been saying that acting IS everything… but I do think everything is acting!

Action requires acting… but action consisting only of acting is incomplete.

I’ve met (indeed, I used to attract them) a number of powerful actors, movers and shakers in business, who were just empty shells. Their actions caused change but were entirely devoid of truth or goodness. This, I think, is what I’ve been worried about: acting isn’t everything.

*
But there is a lot of truth in this post: clothing can frame a debate. If you want to have a sober reasoned discussion, pure 100% Mr. Spock, wear that smart yet fashionable grey suit. If you want people to believe that you’re creative, jazz it up a bit. If you know for sure that the audience want it completely off the wall, from the heart of your childlike enquiring mind, heck, wear what you like. (Check out what the current Doctor Who is wearing for an excellent example.)