I walked by a coffee shop last night by the U District. Inside was a dude sitting behind a keyboard, and a bunch of people facing him, watching him play and sing.
And it struck me what performance really is: it’s an invitation for other people to look at you. You’re giving people permission to stare. Usually that’s not okay, but we all need to look at each other because we’re fucking interesting to look at. It’s no use pretending like everybody else doesn’t exist and you’re not allowed to look at each other directly. What a waste of time. What a stupid way to live life.
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5 Comments
YES! Today I made eye contact with someone at a restaurant, and it wasn’t a threatening stare or a “stop looking at me,” (it was just looking for the sake of looking as far as I could tell) but I immediately looked away out of this feeling of respect[/guilt?] And then I thought to myself, “Wow, why did I do that? My body language probably just told him ‘you are not invited to look at me’ regardless of any motivation whatsoever.” And then I added “Wow, what’s so bad about eye contact? Do I really think I’m creepy and that I should be saving him the trouble? Do I slam this door in lots of peoples’ faces?”
I suppose the question now is: “Why is that usually not okay?” And should we all be mind-readers and be able to figure out when it’s not okay and when it is? How do we know what scripts we’re individually following when it comes to something as simple as being looked at/eye contact? Or is this as simple as going back to the instinctual aspect of dominance/authority and one person looking away before the other?
So the way to empower others you meet is simply to notice them.
To (1) notice and to (2) acknowledge and (3) accept. That’s the core of what anybody wants. After that is where the fun begins though, once those have been fulfilled.
I go to a coffee shop where people play chess and its OK to look at people playing chess. I was just thinking about this yesturday. People would stop and watch. If someone stopped to watch me on my laptop it wouldn’t be OK.
I wonder if people with lots of tats and piercings weird clothing and hair are trying to give a performance? with some it seems like its a bit subconscious that they are doing that. Because I hear some of them say how people judge them by their appearance and how that’s messed up.
Maybe they are trying to give a performance but run into the wrong audience a lot.
That’s it. I have one tattoo, on my wrist. In my old neighborhood I’m a biker chick and in my new neighborhood I’m tattoo naked with only one.